Why People Lie & Deceive | Dealing With Liars

Why People Lie & Deceive | Dealing With Liars

Why do people lie, compulsive
lying? And how can you deal with these people? Find out now. [Autumn Asphodel] Hi everyone! We are going to
discuss lying, why people lie, and how to deal with people in
your personal life that lie. We all lie. Every single one of us.
I’m guilty of it. You’re guilty of it. We all do it. The
severity and length we go with our lie is a different story,
however. It’s completely natural to lie and exaggerate. We may
feel ashamed of it at times, but we all do it for a variety of
reasons. I’m sure we’ve all heard the story when we were
younger that when we lie that our nose would grow. That may
have scared us, or even tempted us to see if it was true. While
it’s not true in the dramatic sense that is often portrayed,
we do end up, theoretically, hanging ourselves with constant
lying due to it getting to the point that we may no longer
be able to keep up with it and others begin to figure us out.
What about minor lies, or white lies? This usually applies to
small lies to avoid hurting someone’s feelings. For
instance, a friend tries on a piece of clothing they want your
opinion on, but to you they look a bit chubby in it. You may
avoid telling them this, and if they ask, you simply deny it
and say they look fine. You know that if you were to tell them
the truth that they may feel hurt and less confident, which
you feel is your job to make them feel the most confident
they can be. A lie about that is not necessarily a big deal. So
we mostly will be discussing severe lies that keep getting
deeper, like digging your own grave of lies. The lies we hold
within us may haunt us as they begin to pile up, one on top of
another, and turn into something scary that seems unmanageable.
We may realize just how deep we are in when we have to keep
up with lies. We have multiple people to inform about our
lie, perhaps all with different versions of the actual story. It
will become impossible to keep up with all of it if you
continue to fabricate the truth. Just why do we lie then?
There are many reasons and I’ll discuss them now. People lie for a variety of
reasons. Let’s start back at childhood. Perhaps we were
raised and conditioned to lie to impress our parents. How many
of us when we were younger faked being sick because we didn’t
want to go to school? I’m sure quite a bit of us have. Or what
about when that continues to be something we do today with
work. Well, it all begins in childhood. Perhaps we see what
we can get away with, that our parent’s believe, from lying.
If we can get a free day from school, what else can we do with
just our words? Other reasons for childhood lying include
conditioning. Specially what I am referring to here is that
perhaps your parents told you not to share what was going on,
even if it was a serious matter. Even going so far as abuse being
done to you that you are told to keep secret and not tell anyone,
or else. The ‘or else’ is key here since at a young age, we
tend to fear our parents and consequences that may ensue if
we act up and go against their wishes. We try to impress them
and be on their side. So, when we are deeply affected, and even
traumatized, by something that occurs at such a young age, and
we are told not to tell, then we will repress what happened and
not share. If we share, we may feel shame. Shame is another
reason for lying. As was with childhood, we feel obligated
to keep what happened a secret because we fear the
consequences. As we age, we begin to feel that we have to
lie because we are trying to cover something up. That thing
being covered up, is shame. Let’s say, for example, you
don’t like something about yourself. Perhaps you spend too
much time on your computer, or play too many videos games, or
some other activity to deal with problems in your life since it
helps you escape from them. If a friend or someone asks you what
you spend your time doing when you are at home, perhaps you lie
and say you go out with friends, have a good time, and are very
popular. The reason you have lied is because you may not
want to expose the fact that you don’t have those things, which
deep down you desire. You desire to have friends and connect with
others, but you don’t have them. So then, you feel ashamed
when you are thinking about your lonely life at home. In other
words, it’s avoiding the real problem here which is to face
your shame and problems you feel so you can work on achieving
what you truly desire. Another reason people lie is for shock
value and sympathy. How many of us have heard people fabricate
a story to make it seem more important than it actually was?
It just doesn’t seem legitimate to us, and the person is making
up the story often to impress other people because they may
feel alone. As with the previous example, the person all alone
at home may come to work and lie about their weekend with
friends. They have to one-up everyone there because it boosts
their ego. That is how they feel better with themselves. This
leads us into the next reason why people lie, for personal
gain, as in antisocial and sociopathic personalities. You
will often find this behavior in the cluster B personality
types, which are antisocial, borderline, histrionic, and
narcissistic. Usually those that exhibit compulsive lying, as
in lying just for the sake of lying, often fall in
this category, specifically antisocial and narcissistic
personality types. There is often a lot of stigma associated
with people in these categories, as they may be viewed as
psychotic and dangerous, which certainly is not the case
with everyone. Often people who exhibit these traits also share
many if not all of the previous reasons why people lie bundled
into one. They may have been raised to lie and it became
conditioned within them. They may feel shame as a result,
and they feel the need to lie to impress people. But they may
also take it a step further and lie and commit fraud to scam
people to improve their own life, disregarding other’s
emotions and feelings, which tends to be not something they
show interest in as they are portrayed as being
self-involved. While we all lie, dealing with those that lie,
especially when we know they are lying and won’t
confess, is a different story. Dealing with people who lie
in your personal life is a challenge. If you don’t know
that they are lying, then they could take advantage of you and
the friendship. Otherwise, if you do know they are lying and
they deny it, then that can pose a different set of obstacles.
The first thing is to try and understand the reason for their
lie. Perhaps it’s one of the things in the previous section.
Perhaps they are conditioned to lie and do so at any
opportunity. Perhaps they enjoy keeping things a secret and
don’t want you to know, or are ashamed. Whatever it is, there
is a reason that will give you a clearer picture into their world
of lies. Next, don’t give into them. By feeding into their
lie, believing them, and even praising them or backing
up their lie with them only validates their behavior. They
view in their mind that it’s okay to lie, and with your
support and giving in, they have more validation to continue
doing so. If you give them attention and sympathy for their
lies, then they will use that to take advantage of the situation
when it gets rough. Rather, give them a chance to confess and
admit the reasons to determine how to proceed next. Approach
them and say that you know what they are saying or doing is
a lie and that you will not support it or back it up. If you
are the liar, realize that the truth will set you free. The
truth outweighs lies because it can get you farther than lies
can. Almost like going down two roads. One being the path of
lies and the other the path of honesty. The path of lies looks
easier and with less obstacles, but just out of sight there is a
dead end. The path of honesty, however, may be challenging, but
at the end of the road you are rewarded. The truth will always
give you a sense of relief and satisfaction, despite how
difficult it is. The truth will allow you to go places you
are unable to go with lying and fabricating the truth. Again,
if you are the liar, it will be difficult, and maybe even
impossible, to regain the trust from others. Some people will
want nothing more to do with a liar, even after they have begun
to veer away from lying and on the path of honesty. This is not
something you can control. If you’ve been lying for many
years, it’s natural for people to doubt you and never give
you trust again. Honesty builds trust, so when you violate that,
it’s hard for people to stay by your side during rough times.
Understand this on both ends, whether you are the liar, or the
ones having to deal with them, because it’s hard for both sides
when someone is deceitful in a relationship or partnership. So in conclusion, people lie for
a variety of reasons, including shame, conditioning, and even
attention. Dealing with people who constantly lie mostly has
to do with not giving into their lie and understanding their
reasoning for deceptiveness. The truth will set you free and is
the only way for people to begin to trust you again. I hope
this video was informative and helpful. Thanks for watching!

Comments (67)

  1. I am currently dealing with a situation, where I have found emails, texts, dating/hookup websites all from 2009-2015. When asked why, or how did those things happen if you want to be with me he shuts down and doesn't want to talk about it. More recently, a woman on facebook dm him and asked for his number. I ask who she was he said he didn't know, after he text her back he realized this was someone from his ex's family. The ex had the family member find him and ask for his number. When I asked him to ask the woman for his ex's number, so he could tell her what it was. He refused got mad defensive and tried to make me feel like then I had to prove myself. I don't know what to think but my guy is telling me he's hiding alot more than I expected. Will I ever know the truth?

  2. why dont you have hair eyebrows

  3. I was 23 when my mom finally told me that I was adopted. That means she's been lying to me all my life. I don't know what type of a lie that is but I'm thankful for it because I know that if she told me I was adopted let's say like 10 years ago then my reaction would've been very different. I would probably shut myself down and would feel pity for myself, I would have been depressed and who knows how that could affect me.

  4. My brother will do things in front of our eyes (not always super bad) then when confronted will completely deny it even if he knows we saw him. He will deny and deny and deny to the point he makes himself angry and erupts into throwing and breaking things. He is a massive problem in my family and he has hurt us before in his angry fits and rages. He hates being accused of lying even though he does it all the time. Even if I lightheartedly say something like "did you eat my food" and he did eat it, he will scream "NO!" And then punch me and becomes overly defensive. He is thirteen nearly fourteen so I'm worried about him. Just yesterday he threw and smashed a ceramic plate at my sister.

  5. I'm that friend who always tells the truth when asked how a friends outfit/makeup/hair looks. There's nice ways to tell someone that their new jeans aren't very flattering, for example. My friends know that if I give a negative opinion, it's only because I care about them and don't want them to look bad…Personally, I'd rather hear the truth, even if it's not pleasant, than have them lie to me and say I look cute when I really look ridiculous. Lol. Great vid, Elle! Thank you 🙂

  6. we all lie it's true but I hate it when people pretend to be something they're not…currently in the situation where I thought my friend was a real deal friend turnes out she's not…funny how you feel stupid for believe crap they tell you and for being so generous it feels like it's all a joke…I hate being the one that care all the time but I can't help it…being an optimistic person isn't always easy…deception hits you hard

  7. Lol this could be interchanged with catfish and it works. Most annoying type of liars

  8. Yes, make-up again! 🙂 Autumn without black make-up is like ZZ Top without beards.

  9. There are so many situations where extensive lying is better than telling the truth, and almost required (ex: an LGBT person lying about their sexuality to everyone – if they do not lie, they may get kicked out of their home, ostracized, and even killed in some places).

  10. Your voice is so relaxing. I swear you should be a therapist (if you already aren't one!)

  11. I used to lie to avoid hurting other people's feelings (especially since they were extremely sensitive), but it made me feel unclean because I generally hate lying. Now I don't care if the truth hurts someone's feelings because it's the truth, and if people cannot handle the truth then it's their problem.

  12. Are you feeling better? Are you ok? I am always happy to see a new video of yours

  13. How bout this Friends….
    maybe focus on her message or the fact she wants to help others….instead of blabbling about her makeup…or medication intake.
    Thank you for your videos Autumn…they have helped me.

  14. Mother used to lie to me and my sister about our father, that he called us everyday when he didn't really care. Years passed and we grow up thinking our father was one thing but to me this mask dropped already, my sister still believes in this lie, we are all adults now, I fear for her reaction when she realizes our father isn't the caring type. Sorry my english sucks.

  15. thank you. maybe talk about crushes, infatuations and such things? just an idea

  16. Love it. Keep going!

  17. I caught my sister in a big lie she randomly showed up with a dog one day said the owner was going to put it down so she had no choice but to take it in and at that time she was living with my father and he did not want any more pets. I found out that she contacted the person herself on Craigslist, and so I confronted her with her lie my family believed her and turned on me.

  18. See, for me, if I were to lie, I'd feel a great amount of regret and guilt and it would eat at me until I confessed… So now, even what someone asked what I did "last night", I'll tell everything from doing homework to even masterbating. xD it feels better to freak someone out than to lie to them. It's funnier too lol. Great video btw. Always love your well written psychology vids as well as any other you post! Keep being beautiful and awesome. ^__^

  19. I love your voice. doesn't matter what you talk about. love to learn from you ♡♡♡

  20. Sometimes you remind me of Floor Jansen.

  21. Excellent discussion here. Thanks.

  22. Good to see you. Love all the work you do

  23. Do you know anything about Bio-Idenical HRT for transgender. Or better yet, would that be a good subject for a video.

  24. You make some very interesting videos! You are one of my favorite youtubers😊 Keep up the good work🙂🌈💎

  25. I only LIE when I feel like the person is only going to attack me with some nasty words. I use LIE for defense. Otherwise I hate lies. Some people just judge us and only option they leave us is to LIE so that they dont judge us.

  26. what about black lies? lol

  27. I want to know your thoughts on having a Tulpa. I've heard people describe it as having another personality, except i don't really think so. I hear so much on it and I felt you were the best person to get 0.02 from bc you're kinda good at phycology stuff.

  28. Who needs to legalize marry ju wanna when you can just watch all these videos. Lol

  29. Hi Autumn, my name is zara. i just wanted to let you know that I tried to message you on Facebook yesterday but it didn't go through. I've tried a few things my end to see if it was my tablet not sending it properly, but no success. it might be an issue your end. If however you have blocked me then please accept my apologies for what ever caused you offence. If i have caused offence then please let me know so I can have the opportunity to rectify the situation.

  30. I am a liar I know it is because i'm ashamed I have fears of being bullied or punished so I lie instead of facing it. I don't lie anymore but only because I don't talk to anyone anymore other than my family because my friends left me after I graduated high school. What do I do in this situation? I just want to make things better

  31. Saw you on Little Women LA

  32. hope you dont get mad but….at times your voice sounds a bit like. the late Michael Jackson's voice here n there…..maybe you heard it already? If you never been told that yall have similar voice im telling you now. Oh I'M NOT LYING NOW!!!!!

  33. the truth is out there

  34. I find your voice and way of speaking just so soothing and lovely for some reason. Your videos are also great💖

  35. Hey I really need help with this because I can't find this info anywhere but how many holes does a post srs vagina have? Like I know a cis woman's vagina has 2 so does a trans woman's vagina also have 2?

  36. Hello! Brazil kisses you!

  37. i realy Love your videos😍 and your mouth

  38. The truth is easier to remember.

  39. Hi Autumn! I really appreciate your videos and thank you for sharing. It's always interesting to listen to what you have to say. I study nutrition and I noticed that your skin is yellowish around your jaw/mouth area. Is this due to high cholesterol or an excess of the antioxidant beta-carotene? I've experienced health issues all my life due to psychological issues due to my childhood and have found there is a spiritual/energetic reason to any physical symptom. I was wondering if you would like to comment on that? You are beautiful, so please don't take it as criticizing your appearance. Sending you love!

  40. Good remarks! You look like a smart Guy but I have noticed that you are playing the psychiatric.
    Lieing and deception is an action not a mental state.
    You tell a lie.
    You deceive somebody.
    Fear is something else and ego as well.

  41. One of my big problems is that I can read liars like a book. But some other friends can't do that. And keep "reading" this person and the others are just playing the "good friend" that gives benefit of doubt, just because the liar it's a friend.
    I'm sick of it, sometimes I feel like I should trash all…

  42. You honestly have the most perfect bone structure a human could possibly ever have

  43. She's on point and clear about examples of lying. One thing I disagree with is what she said about honesty or truth. There is no reward for being honest and trustworthy other than maybe a clear conscience of self. It seems that ppl praise the liars and shun the honest, in general. I've lost count of how many past relationships have deteriorated or simply ended because I chose to be honest. The sad truth is that ppl have been conditioned to lie and accept lies as the truth.

  44. You remind me of Amy Lee!

  45. I'm so hurt and sad, I was lied and lied to by a man and at first I was trying to ignore it because I cared so much for this person 😞😰😓
    Eventually I had to cut him out of my life which was very hard and I feel like an idiot because I still think of him. Ultimately it was for his personal gain to use me, I'm too naive and always want to think the best of people which always ends up in me getting hurt so I don't know how to break this pattern?

  46. your eyebrows are lying to me right now. explain?

  47. If a friend is trying on am outfit and ask how it looks, you should tell them the truth! I can't stand when "friends " lie to me. It makes the relationship weak.

  48. Isn't it obvious? People aren't aloud to fucking be themselves that's why! All this politically correct bullshit!!!! Its utter nonsense!!!!

  49. The truth gives you growth, most of the time! Yes. 👼
    Thank God someone else has their head screwed on right in this world.

  50. I want to expose a chronic liar who abused someone dear to me. But I just can't get through to the people he brainwashed.

  51. I don't want to sound ignorant I really don't because I think you're absolutely gorgeous and very smart and very pleasant to listen to, I was just wondering if maybe you're transgender? Not that it matters at all I'm just wondering that's all thank you

  52. What can you tell me about a person who is saying that if someone is manipulated, is the manipulated person's fall for alowing to be manipulated not the one who manipulates. For me this is narcisistic behaviour. I hope I made myself undestood. English is not my mother language. Thank you (for reading/responding) in advance.

  53. I think you are ghe one that needs your fucking head checked dumb bitch

  54. love this kind of videos, very useful !!

  55. Big fuckin eyes….but a nice fuckin fish!!!

  56. Do you believe that God lied to?

  57. Aha….you said you lie…..would that be about your mother???

  58. I dealt with a group that would come to an event in my area then takes the event down like I told my mom about it so then they take it down shame on them with why would they do that it hurts me should I hate and not support them anymore I lost passion

  59. The worse part about liars
    Is they're the main ones that search for truth and facts about everything on Earth
    At the same time they re stealing and lying

  60. I hate people who lies.!!!!! I can’t live with people who lie.

  61. Wrong eye make up for you. Sorry, I’m telling the truth.

  62. Miss, a woman in authority lied on me and I received a write-up I didn't deserve. She seemed to have used her position and friendship with her and my superior. It really hurt me emotionally and caused me to uproot my life suddenly. I wish I could see when Karma catches up with her because I believe that it doesn't miss anyone. Pardon my venting. I hope you empathize. I appreciate your honest, realistic educational video, Autumn.

  63. Work are biggest liars.

  64. I remember your story ,and your struggle to change . You live in ny somewhere . Lol we talked years ago . I cant believe you came across you ! Autumn G.

  65. I know a guy who I figured out is a compulsive liar. He tells me one thing and then another time his story is changed. He has done this so much I don't even know if I can believe anything he says. It makes me not even want to talk to him. He's a neighbor but I will always stay friendly with neighbors and just accept it that I can't trust anything he says.

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