Shifting from Fear to Love (Dealing with Unsupportive Parents/Family)

Shifting from Fear to Love (Dealing with Unsupportive Parents/Family)

Hey guys! Welcome back to Lavendaire. It’s so good to see you again. I feel like I haven’t done this in quite a while, so it’s nice to catch up after my trip to China. So I went to China, hung out with my dad and my family, and I got inspired to talk about this topic,
shifting from fear to love, because this something we can do in every
aspect of our life, and it will literally change your life for the better, learning to shift from the mindset of fear,
to the mindset of love. For example: I was just reflecting on
my relationship with my dad. I think when I was younger,
both of our relationships were set in fear. For example: His fear –
and this is a fear of a lot of parents – is he didn’t want his child to be a failure. He wanted this child to succeed and do all this stuff. And that’s why, when I was going through
a lost phase, it was really frustrating for him to see
and frustrating for the both of us. This is what happens when parents try to tell
you to not pursue those crazy dreams. They’re saying it out of love because they care for you, but it’s out of the fear in that love, meaning they love you and care about you so much that they’re afraid that you’re going to fail. They’re afraid that you’re going to have some
bad experiences in life. They’re afraid that things are going to happen to you, and so they try to protect you from those things. That’s why… I know a lot of us have that
issue of not seeing eye-to-eye with our parents. I mean, they’re coming from a place of love
but it’s covered in fear. And also, on my side, I used to have such
fear of the future, fear of uncertainty, fear of failure as well, and that fear of
not knowing what’s going to happen, that fear of not being able to control what’s going to happen that gave me a lot of anxiety and overwhelm. And I still kind of deal with that now, wanting
to control things more than I can. So instead of really focusing our energies on that fear and letting that manifest in our lives, it’s so much better for all parties to shift
the focus to love. So in my case, shifting from fear to love is learning to let go of having to control things, and learning to embrace uncertainty, learning
to trust the universe. Trust is the big word. If you love something or whatever,
you just let it be and you trust. You embrace it. I think of it like this: Imagine you have a butterfly. Fear is wanting to hold that butterfly so tight because you love it so much and you want to protect it. But the more anxious and fearful you are,
the harder you’re gonna grab onto it. And eventually, you’re gonna harm that butterfly
and it might die. But love, with that butterfly, is really just
like letting it be on your hand. Open hands, open arms, letting it be, letting it exist, and loving it and supporting it for what it is, but not trying to control it or take it for yourself. Love is letting something be free as it is. When I think back at my relationship with
my parents and myself – and this applies to a lot of parent-child
relationships I know out there… The parent’s job is learning how to love and
let your child be and support them, and not try to control them in any way and
don’t act on that fear. Don’t impose your fear onto the child. And then on the other end, the child end of
the relationship is learning to live without that fear
of wanting to impress your parents or fear of not making your parents happy or fear of failing, fear of all of the things that can go wrong, and instead, live based on love: loving yourself, loving those around you,
just focusing on the love that’s there, and trusting the universe, that whatever happens
is for your greatest good. I think that’s the hardest part for us to do,
is learning to trust the universe, especially if you’re kind of a control freak
and you want to control things to happen in the exact way that you want it to happen. It’s just learning to embrace the uncertainty. Also understanding that, if you follow this
love and see everything through the eyes of love, and have this mindset of love rather than fear, then the universe will guide you to the greatest
possibility of your life that could happen. It’s something greater than you could
ever even plan for yourself, something that is beyond
what you could have imagined. So yeah, learning to shift from fear to love, and you could apply this to any other area of life. For example, in romantic relationships. If you really love this person and you want
to stay with them, but you live with the fear that this person’s
going to leave you or the fear that this person doesn’t like you
for who you are – there’s just so many fears that you could have – if you act and live from those fears,
you’re just gonna be crazy and you’re going to drive yourself crazy and your partner crazy, so it’s important to focus on the love. Another example can be your health. If you really want to be fit and healthy,
and yet you go about your exercise and diet plan being afraid of gaining weight ,
having fear of weight gain, that fear leads to anxiety,
which leads to eating disorders because what you should be doing instead is
not focusing on the fear, but focusing on the love:
learning to love your body. And if you love your body, you’re gonna want
to nourish it and take care of it. And there really is a distinct difference,
acting on fear vs. acting on love. Whatever you’re going through in your life,
whatever situation’s challenging you right now, ask yourself: Am I seeing this through fear or love? Or: Am I acting on this through fear or love? Just remember that you can always make that shift, from fear to love. And I know that it’s scary, but that’s the point: Love is about just trusting the universe,
trusting whatever is there. The butterfly, keeping your hand open, letting it sit there, and love it without wanting to take it for
yourself and control it. I hope that made sense, shifting from fear to love. It’s just a little thing that I wanted to share. And lately I feel like I’ve been –
I don’t know, I feel a little different again. I guess this year I’m really embracing change. I embrace that physical change in my life,
moving into a new apartment and then with the China trip,
kind of getting reacquainted with my dad, getting to know him more, our relationship is changing. And I feel like I’m changing. I’m just trying to figure out what direction
I want to take my channel, how I want to push myself creatively, and just try not to do the same things
over and over again, but rather push myself to change
and embrace and transformation, wherever that may take me. So I hope you have a beautiful day. I love you guys so much,
and I will see you in the next one. Bye!

Comments (67)

  1. Thank you so much for your amazing feedback so far!! I'm so lucky to have you guys 🙏✨💖💕

    If you want to learn more about my story, here are some podcasts where I go deeper into my childhood & story:
    → PODCAST: Rewrite Your Stories Through Love (about my childhood) |
    → PODCAST: You Don't Have to Have It All Figured Out (about my confused life path, conflicts with parents) |

    For one of the BEST BOOKS on this topic, please read A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson ( It changed my perspective on EVERYTHING in life and helped me shift to love. Highly recommend 💖 Here's my video I made after reading that book in 2015:

  2. Great video, as usual. The effort she puts into the filming is commendable! 🙂

  3. Thank you for this Aileen! 💛

  4. I’m afraid my bf wouldn’t love me anymore and leave me someday, I’m not trying to grasping him, I try to think if he wants to leave me, let he be. But I think my fear is still there, especially after we have a fight.

  5. I do this far too often… to the point that people around me are seeing me as manipulative (partly). It's really great that you brought it up, because it made me think more about how I act and how others might react to the way I express my "fear" etc.

  6. So happy to find this channel! Your words inspire me so much 💖 All my love from Argentine!

  7. This was so inspiring to watch 💜

  8. Italian subtitles are available! Click "CC" and check the video settings 💕

  9. I cannot wait until you become a parent. I think you will greatly change your stance on this video. And make sure that you upload your parenting experiences just so I can see it.

  10. I got series of questions in my head of what went wrong and 2 days after he call our relationship off, you posted this. I immediately got my answers to my questions. Thank you Aileen for making me reflect over my situation and realize on what went wrong. ❤

  11. I enjoy every video you make. LOVE THIS ONE! Greetings from Colombia.

  12. Why I can't put 100 likes at once? That was wonderful! Thank you!

  13. One of your best videos <3 thank you for this!

  14. This is such great advice and really relates to my life.

  15. ahh idk if you are going to see this video and it may be a bit of a throwback but PLEASE make a video on how to live from love not fear in high school (like junior and senior year) bc its so stressful and I want to live happily like you 🙂

  16. You have such a kind heart. Watching your videos is like a breath of fresh air. I've been living from fear for so long. Now, I am trying to learn how to live out of love more. This video describes perfectly what I've been thinking lately…

  17. Thank you so much, Aileen! I didn't even know how much I needed this video right now…
    I'll graduate from High School next month and even though I do have more plans for the future than most of my classmates, I always get these little "panic attacks", where I feel like I could take the wrong path and should change everything while I still can. I'm such a control freak and really have to learn to enjoy the process instead of planning ahead for years.
    Love you!

  18. Much needed video for my situation right now… Thanks Aileen <3

  19. makes perfect sense. I am learning to do that recently. It works out beautifully.

  20. This message is really beautiful! Thank you so much🌺

  21. Love is freedom 💜

  22. What a beautiful thought aileen!!! Keep up the good work. You are the most beautiful soul I ever met

  23. Exactly what i was just meditating about. That was a perfect addition! Thank you for being on this earth right now and sharing your light with us <3

  24. Beautifully said. ❤🖒 Thank you, Aileen. 😊

  25. It’s good to watch this while eating my favorite fried banana. Thank you for sharing this to us, Aileen! You always inspire me in every video.

    Love, Dyanne. xoxo <3

  26. Amazing. It sounds so simple but I think for a lot of people with struggles in life you never think to just not fear because you’re always worried about school, your job, career path, societal expectations, etc…

    Many things I’ve done in my life were definitely from fear, as I get older I realize I need to let go of what others may think of me and overall do what’s best for me and my well being/happiness.

    I always love your videos so much Aileen 💖 Thank you for always inspiring.

  27. Omg!!! I really love your videos. Your vibe just make me feel more inspired. This video was all I needed <3

  28. I LOVED this video. I live with fear most of the time…love the butterfly analogy xxx

  29. I love the butterfly part~

  30. This is such a mature and critical philosophy to share. 💛🙏

  31. I absolutely love your video and your message. Great timing, as I needed to hear this. Thank you for sharing ❤

  32. Thank you SO much for this amazing video. I have an anxiety disorder, an eating disorder plus issues with trying to control everything so seeing this video has really helped and inspired me. You're incredibly wise Aileen. Thank you again for being such an inspiration to us all. xox

  33. I really needed this.
    Your words always make me calm. Thank you. ❤️

  34. so true dear…. this topic is really helping me to cope with the present situation….

  35. I love this video it made me open up my eyes. I'm scared of finishing high school cause by finishing high school I have to know what I want to do for my life and I'm still uncertain about it. I'm acting on fear and thinking of choosing a job that is good instead of acting on love and choosing a job which I love.
    But thanks to this video I know what to do.
    Thanks Aileen!🌷

  36. I enjoyed translating this video into Arabic 💘 I wish Youtube edit it soon so I can share it with my Arabic friends too. thank u for having such a gorgeous mindset lavendaire

  37. Thank you for being so open. This was so helpful! Keep doing what you’re doing!

  38. I really loved the example of a butterfly on a hand. Thank you for sharing ❤️ big love from japan

  39. Thank you I needed this because I let fear hold me back from something that could be something. Love you and keep it up 😀

  40. This butterfly theory is so beautiful. Hold on to your dreams with care, but dont crush them. Allow them to fly. Thank you.♡♡♡♡♡

  41. I really love it! So inspirational!

  42. Arabic and Vietnamese subtitles are available! Click "CC" and check the video settings. Thank you to the contributor listed in the description 💕

  43. I needed to listen to this. Thank you so much for the inspiration and words of wisdom! I had such an overwhelming day yesterday and so much of anxiety building up due to all the fears I have been feeling. This video shall set as a reminder for me daily to shift my fears to love and to embrace life for what it is. Keep up the good work, love! <3

  44. száömönyizsuzsi.. vonzalom.

  45. vonzalom.50anna.jotubeon.
    WiFi70075175. vass Gyuláné

  46. Hi! I love your videos. They are so beautifully done and is helping me grow as a person. I’m so grateful for your work!‬

  47. Omg love this because I’m in the midst of a lost phase right now… struggling with depression, uncertainty, anxiety, fear of the future, control issues, anger. Wow I needed this!!!!💜

  48. I love your channel! I just found you yesterday, and subscribed after the first video I watched. Much love! 💕

  49. this could not be more relevant right now. thank you <3

  50. …. today I needed to hear this. Thank you

  51. Your videos always help me a lot

  52. you are amazing !!

  53. i can't oopen your blog , ps: you realy helping me everday

  54. ………….. ❤

  55. Where is she from?

  56. Your videos light me up.

  57. Wow. Today I realized how much fear of failure I have… then I saw this video. THANK YOU

  58. Love this video, Aileen! When I started my Affiliate Marketing journey, it has been one fun and exciting experience for me. There are some people who did not believe in me, but now they were all proud of what I have become because I didn't give up. This is so inspirational, brings back those days. 🙂

  59. Butterfly example is just on point.

  60. You are such a beautiful person. Thank you for this. It's literally life changing.

  61. This was so helpful! I’m dealing with this right now with a parent that doesn’t support my spiritual beliefs. I know she is operating out of fear but it’s still frustrating! Thank you for sharing some great advice 💜

  62. 🌸🌸🌸💓💓💓

  63. GREAT VIDEO, I will practice it since now. Instead of fear, love what I do like studying. Instead of being afraid of failure, just love what I study in the moment.

  64. I love this channel thank you Lavendaire for these important topic , I really interesting in this topic I am very thankful for it , I think it need more explanation it is little bet unclear how to apply this consent in our life

  65. Thank you 🙏 so happy I clicked on this video

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