ArticlesBlog Narcissistic Mothers Invalidate You (Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother) August 30, 201976 Related posts: 12 Warning Signs That You Are Dealing With An Evil Person Dealing with Financial Abuse? Where to Find and Hide Money to Leave the Narcissist Why Socratic Dialogue should become our business card | Sira Abenoza | TEDxESADE Rethinking infidelity … a talk for anyone who has ever loved | Esther Perel Related tags : and angie atkinson child of narcissist children of narcissist codependency codependency recovery codependent dealing with a narcissistic mother dealing with a narcissistic mother in law invalidation loving yourself after narcissistic abuse narc mom narcissism narcissist narcissistic abuse narcissistic mom narcissistic mother narcissistic mothers invalidate you narcissistic parent narcissistic parents narcissistic personality disorder no contact Relationships she sociopath that Post navigation Previous Article 5 Easy Tips For Dealing with Allergies Next Article Catalina Lauf branded as ‘Anti-AOC’ in congressional bid Comments (76) October 31, 2018 at 1:40 am New video!!!! Reply October 31, 2018 at 2:04 am I was just thinking about Angie & here she is supporting us in a big way! 🙂 Thank you as always! <3 Reply October 31, 2018 at 2:12 am Thanks, Angie.. It's sad and painful (and OMG anger provoking) but true. So true.. Reply October 31, 2018 at 2:17 am So can relate…my toxic mom beat me for every little thing… prohibited me from childhood teenage experience sheltering…blamed me for her hurt and pain… sabotaged potential relationships with boyfriends all in order to keep me stuck and afraid of life….it didn't work bc I was destined to fly…then became attracted to Narcissists bc it felt familiar bc of childhood abuse Reply October 31, 2018 at 2:22 am I was raised this way and now I struggle so hard with being that way to my kids. Where do I even start. It’s is such a vicious cycle. I want to heal. 🙁 Reply October 31, 2018 at 2:32 am Great message, thank you Angie! (also, I do like your background) Reply October 31, 2018 at 2:35 am Thank you!!! Good grief I can relate. She was NEVER proud of me. I'm in tears. Reply October 31, 2018 at 2:39 am I had a narcissistic Mother, Father and Grandmother and Stepmothers. My mother wasn’t around for my childhood but she was abusive when I met her as an adult. I’m 28 now and I’ve only just begun to see who I really am this year. I try not to people please and my partner gives me so much love and support that for the first time in my life I feel like a stable well rounded person. I can’t be around the narcissists in my family because they make me very angry and I’m not an angry person. I’m a peaceful person. Reply October 31, 2018 at 2:41 am My mom and sister invalidated constantly. I always wondered why, but not until I actually had a word to describe them did I realize how insidious it all is. I'm currently no contact, but ofcourse I get shamed for not speaking to them in the past, so I know how they work. I'm feeling better, but I'm already not excited about the holidays. My kids and husband still want to be with them at the holidays but I won't be there. Which I'm ok with. I realize I have to work on loving myself, and take care of me. Thanks for these videos. Reply October 31, 2018 at 3:06 am My mom is Reply October 31, 2018 at 3:11 am This reminds me of my mom when I was growing up she has gotten nicer over the years and that is not saying much but this also may be why because I keep my distance from her and may be just because I am not around her as much but I have to keep my distance from her or it literally makes me sick and drains me and there is no true loving feelings from her towards me and the gaslighting or little digs like for example she did a dig at me the not too long ago when I went over to her apartment and I was needing food and she just mentions out of the blue she has been helping my brother with food which is fine but for her to even bring that up just to try to hurt you emotionally those little suttle digs she could have not said anything about it but intentionally tried to make me feel bad knowing I need food and not help me but help my brother she could have just not mentioned it amd she was always when I was younger calling me stupid, bitch, and tell me how to act and dress but anyway thank you Angie for these videos and GOD bless you. Reply October 31, 2018 at 3:12 am So the other day my mom told my son that he should talk to his father who hasn't been in his life the past 17 years we broke up when he was 3 he's 20 now.. She told him to make up with his Narcissistic dad who will only hurt him..Like why would you want my son to hurt all over again why?she said forgive him Although he cheated on your mom that has nothing to do with you..She doesn't understand that it has nothing to do with me It's my son's decision he doesn't want to be hurt by him duhh ..My kids always say my mom always say bad stuff about me she really blames me for everything she goes through Although I never deal with her sick and tired of this Reply October 31, 2018 at 3:14 am Exactly! And at this point in recovery I will cut off anyone who tells me my feelings are wrong, don't matter, are irrelevant or that my opinions are wrong. How about a, "I hear you, and have you ever thought about this…" My improv teacher taught it to us as, "Yes, and…" When someone starts telling me how I'm feeling and what I'm thinking…oh no. I've been that route and nobody is allowed to do that to me anymore. The boundary is so strong my head feels like it's about to pop. I didn't cold turkey go no contact with my family to allow other people to step into those shoes and do the same thing. …I have a memories burned into my brain and when my mother told me chores and responsibility that were catastrophic to my relationships with family, school and job never happened like care-giving for my brother who was 5 years younger than me from nearly the day he was born and I was way too young…. Oh, no. I paid the price for the crap she put me through and now that I'm an adult and can speak out about it, it never happened? Oh, no no. Burned into my memory is a beautiful bouquet of dandelions I picked. I had them absolutely perfect in a yellow dome that spread over my hands. I brought those to her and she was furious because I brought her weeds! One Christmas I spend days and weeks hunting down antique tins and garage sales and thrift stores to give her for Christmas. She was furious because I bought her used things. She had told me she loved antique tins! …and they aren't cheap! She's erased my childhood and all the things that made me a cute kid… I remember their fights and one in particular that she would get so mad about because I never forgot it. They busted the furniture in the house and emptied the fridge on the walls and carpet so I spent the evening barricaded in my room watching cartoons while they got one of those rental carpet cleaners they used to have at the front of grocery stores years ago. I remember everything…even the program that was on and I bought the video after my daughter was born. It was called, "Puff and the Incredible Mr. Nobody." I remember crying when it was over. In those days there were no DVDs or VCRs and you watched what was pumped onto network channels. I accept every flower my daughter gives me and I make sure she NEVER has a reason to ask, "Mommy do you love me?" …I can't believe that woman allowed me to beg and plead to hear her tell me she loved me…and had the nerve to hesitate if I didn't please her in some way… Oh no. I have 0 emotional tolerance for this kind of treatment to a child and if I get reactive it is over this dismissive and minimizing behavior. No adult has the right or any excuse good enough to justify being that selfish with a child ever. My mom said she was entitled because of what I did to her. What did I do to her? I was a little kid! What, expected a little nurturing? If I was misbehaving it wasn't at her. Kids misbehave. It is their job to test boundaries. It teaches them how to interact with the world when they are older. That is the hard part of parenting! Obviously, it was too hard for her that she expected the child themselves to parent themselves and not bother her!…interrupt her damn soap operas! I ended up such a good kid I was freakish and treated like dirt and bullied only to have my mom tell everyone I wasn't that person at all! ….Oh… When I was a kid I was jealous because I was not treated like the Golden Child. I actually thought that was how I was supposed to be treated and my mom was just withholding. Now, I've found out that it was over the top and abuse and the consequences of her behavior… and when realizing it was all deliberate and not just that my mom was a sick person and couldn't help herself. Oh, no…no no no… Now I have to deal with the fact that I absolutely cannot be in the same vicinity with this monster, a cold, calculated, deliberate monster who I enabled and took on responsibility for while she lounged in the evening with the Golden Child in front of the TV while I was left in the never ending dish machine that was our kitchen. Couldn't even do my homework. I didn't know how to do homework until my senior year after I was pulled from the home. I had F's and D's all through school and that woman held me back in 6th grade because I hadn't gone through puberty yet, so she decided that meant I was immature and shouldn't move forward. It was actually so my brother wouldn't feel bad for flunking 1st grade the same year. Turns out I have a high IQ and when I went to college on my own dime it turned out I was an honors student. I thought I was stupid. Nobody ever talked to me about college! Yet, she had the nerve to enroll with me my freshman year of college at our local jr. college! OMG! and we ended up in Sociology class together! Holy Cow! I better stop. …Don't go to college with your kids! Wait! Go to another college! If they are taking day classes you take night! Stay away from their peers! Let them have a social life! And for Heaven's sake don't talk about your kids when participating in classes! That is a violation of their privacy! When you can afford to go to college and they can't…. Seriously… And that was after the 1st no contact after I was court ordered out of their house at 16 years old! It broke my no contact. I had no choice! Tiny Jr. College. There was no escaping her! And the DRAMA! I'll stop, but holy mackerel. I've gone back to college 2 different times and both times I have seen parents doing this to their kids. There should be a law against allowing parents and children into the same classes or career training. There should be an immediate red flag flown from the Dean of Students. Reply October 31, 2018 at 3:25 am Wow, I can relate to this story. Although I never wrote a song for my mom (how precious is that??) I tried desperately to evoke any kind of warmness from her. As a kid, I wanted to do stuff with her..movies, shop, even just TALK! When I got older and had a good salary I would spoil her. Surprise parties for her birthday, special scrapbooks, lunches and big bouquets for Mothers day, thank you cards pouring my hear out. And NO, it wasn't for my own validation…I really did it because I loved her and wanted her to know. I guess in the back of my head, I thought she would also figure out that I wanted/needed to know she loved me too and actually tell me somehow. I never got that. No thought put into "me". No specialness from her to me, EVERRRR. Still getting the same generic gift cards for Christmas and the after thought of "Want to go out to dinner for your birthday?" ON MY BIRTHDAY. I would fall apart (in a good way) if my daughter ever wrote a song for me!! Reply October 31, 2018 at 3:34 am Do all Narcs invalidate you? And when someone says "your just being too sensitive""Thats how you see it""Get thicker skin" is that invalidation? Reply October 31, 2018 at 3:51 am Oh yes. Especially after my father died. I was not allowed to grieve the loss, abd even now she gaslights me about him, and even has her second husband parroting her very negative opinion of him. Reply October 31, 2018 at 4:06 am NOTHING IS E-V-E-R enough for them. NEVER! Reply October 31, 2018 at 4:11 am I'm broken for being raised by one and married to 2. I haven't seen my children in almost 2 years because of these crazy people. Reply October 31, 2018 at 4:20 am Youre amazing! I appreciate all of your videos, they're super useful and you have a wonderful way of explaining things! BTW: This sounds literally like my mom. I feel like my mom is quite a bit more abusive (going by the info shared..) I'm 26 and I have been married and divorced and currently am doing everything I can to hold on to the man I have been with for nearly three years now…hes a great man and I continue to f*ck things up just like how you described in the story you told.. I have been thinking about finding a therapist lately but I don't have insurance and I imagine it's expensive… I am currently reading "I hate you, don't leave me" it's an amazing book about B.P.D. and since beginning this book, I KNOW this is something I'm suffering from. Im sorry I'm leaving this long comment here like this..but idk how else to go about this… Any info you happen to have to lead me in the right direction would truly be appreciated..I don't want to play the "poor me" game, I am just literally so lost and don't have anyone to reach out to… Thank you, if you read this. <3 -Bobbielyn Reply October 31, 2018 at 4:36 am My NM always wrinkled her nose at my gifts as if there was a bad smell, and would often say "what the heck is this." The best I could hope for was that she gave the gift back to me. She's been "friendly" lately. Having an illness maybe will do that to a narcissist, if she has an illness; who knows, she seems pretty healthy to me. Her birthday is coming up. I'm glad I saw this, because I thought she was softening. She dropped a hint; she said music made her happy. I was going to compile some beautiful music, because I know her taste, or at least I think I do. I'm not going to do that now. Instead, I'll remember all the invalidation handed down by her and NF in underhanded ways, like always pretending they don't know or remember stuff that I've done or are doing. Angie, the mother of your aunt! Liar liar, and so abusive. Love you girl. This whole video is validating. Reply October 31, 2018 at 5:46 am Borderline mothers invalidate too. So painful 🙁 💔 Reply October 31, 2018 at 6:41 am OMG THIS IS MY MOM -one day I tried to do something special for my mom . I brought her flowers for her birthday . I brought her a small gift because I loved her and i knew she was having a bad day. I gave her a kiss on the cheek and everything . The day before I worked a 10 hours shift so I didn’t do dishes.. but I was gonna do them the next day after I came back From an interview. -back to the story i gave her the gift and I kissed her .. all she said was .. “why didn’t you do dishes , you’re lazy . I felt so sad and I just left and went to my interview . My mom processed to throw me me out and throw bleach on my belongings 😪 Reply October 31, 2018 at 6:43 am Poor Jenna! I went through this too! Reply October 31, 2018 at 8:23 am what are the odds you'd upload a NM video on the same exact day that marks my 2 year anniversary for going no contact with mommy dearest lol literally perfect timing 🙂 Reply October 31, 2018 at 10:24 am I was best friends with my father and the victim of my narc mother and two sisters. What a strange dichotomy! Reply October 31, 2018 at 10:46 am I know my relationship with my Mom isn't always the best, she has this way of talking to me in an invalidating way like this morning explaining in great detail why she thinks I'm selfish when it comes to my Christmas money. She has a way of looking at things from a practical perspective that isn't mine, because I choose to spend £80 on my husband and in her day she only spent £30 each, on both my dad and mom so she reckons Christmas presents should be tokens, but the way I see it, as long as I have enough money to spend on everybody then I should be able to do what I want. Anyway the phone call ended, and then I saw this you tube clip. It was all the more reason to click on it, the thing is though, as much as she invalidates me, tries to control, be critical – if I actually devoted my time writing her a song and playing it to her she would love that, she honestly would because it would be a practical gesture and she appreciates actions rather than words, whereas I'm the other way around, if she said she loves me it would mean more to me than if she washed all my smalls to show she cares because when she does that I feel like it's invalidating my performance to excel as a home owner. But if I devoted a song to her and played it at her birthday she would honest to God love it. I just try and think, she's my Mom, of course I love her but she's got a problem and when that raises its ugly head I have strategies in my head to deal with her. It was like on holiday, Mom and my sister were talking to me about getting IVF amogst other things and on one hand it kills me that I can't go out and buy my nephew something creative for his birthday that he would love without it being dictated to me what I can buy for him but I'm choosing to respect that rather than push up against it. It's like as Julie Hanks expresses, controllers suck the life out of you they will tell you how to dress, how to look good, what colour you should have your hair etc and anyway, with my sister acting like a flying monkey saying how not many people have a mother who loves them as much as she loves me but my sister honestly believes she's the hero and setting things straight, yes, I watched your other video. My Mom she may well do love me, but it's how she handles each situation with me. Anyway, I stayed very calm, very non reactive and it passed and they started talking about something else even though conversations are make to be at times all about me in a negative way. My husband was listening to this though and even he said they got it all wrong. Even saying to me that they love me and want the best for me but their actions speak louder, because why would they invalidate me and say such mean things to me at times to then be told oh your Mother doesn't mean it. You must have said something to hurt her.. etc Reply October 31, 2018 at 11:00 am Sometimes I don't feel my Mom wants to know my true feelings because she just cares about putting her point across no matter how uncomfortable I feel in the process. I do feel like her and my sister have a better relationship because Mom can treat me like a girl and my sister as an equal to her and at times I've disliked my own sister at times because of this and the worst part is, my sister hasn't done anything wrong but my sister embodies things about her that my Mom can see herself in, and they both have a simular way of thinking, so when the two of them start talking it feels like I'm under attack or under some sort of manipulation, the worst is when they are painfully so nice and I feel the threat of the pressure being added to me to ideally see there is no other way to look at things just theirs. I've convinced myself that Mom wouldn't be able to handle my true feelings anyway and there's no point is trying to explain why because I'll get told but that's the wrong way to think. Reply October 31, 2018 at 11:10 am Awww ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ I am on your side about the water Mellon. I know how things like that feel ❤️❤️❤️❤️ Reply October 31, 2018 at 1:06 pm I never thought I was a people pleaser with my mom because I did see her abuse and called her out but I see from this video that I was trying to please her and trying to be perfect but I never knew how! Now I see how people pleasing applies to me. Thank you Angie!!!! You Rock 💕 Reply October 31, 2018 at 2:21 pm Bought my NM a pearl diamond necklace for Mother's Day she told me I wen into my jewelry box and gave her a used necklace. I had the receipt to prove I bought it yet she still insisted it was used. That's just one incidence there are too many to list. Reply October 31, 2018 at 2:49 pm You described my life.. Reply October 31, 2018 at 3:17 pm I haven't spoken to my mother in years. At first, it didn't matter because her critical voice ran on a loop, in my head. I got a call that she was on her deathbed, unable to breath on her own due to COPD. So I went. All six of her kids went. And wouldn't you know, the rotten windbag got us all to stand around her bed, waiting patently, for her to pant and gasp out her insults and cruelty. Narcis that have children are the evilest people on earth. I waited sooooo long for her to be weak, compromised, repentant, needy even! Two years later, she's still going. I think the devil is afraid of competition. Reply October 31, 2018 at 3:51 pm In middle school my mom would do my friends hair and give them make overs and play therapist to them talking about all their issues etc but would never do my hair for school or teach me to do my makeup or validate my feelings.I’m high school, she would sit in her room with my friends/boyfriend/boyfriends friends and smoke pot with them while I sat in the living room watching my toddler sister, which I spent a significant amount of my youth doing. She would brag (and still does 10+ years later) about how my boyfriends friends had crushes on her. She would drop everything to help a friend with a drug problem and take her in to live with us and try to counsel her, but when I was caught self harming at school her first words were “do you have any idea how this makes me look?!” Glaring at me with disgust. In my early twenties when I was recently married new mom, she decided to go to beauty school. She befriended a group of girls my age and became their ring leader, all of them looking at her as so fun and wise. When I’d go to her house they’d be there and I’d try to insert myself in conversations and be ignored and over talked. She would even gossip to them about me and make snide comments to me in front of them. She would make inappropriate comments and boasts about her sex life or abilities and then give a scoff and dismissive laugh and say “oh yeah I’m sorry, my daughter is a prude she doesn’t want to do/think/talk about these kinds of things” and they’d all chuckle. She discussed things like my husbands penis size with these girls leading one to ask him about it when I left the room which my mom found hilarious. On the weekends she dropped my sister off with me without fail regardless of my willingness to keep her. She would start just showing up with all of their kids too, saying oh Chelsea can keep them, it’s what she does, and her friends would turn up their noses at me and drop their kids things in my door and they’d be off to party while I babysat for free. If I protested it was just evidence of what a bitch I really am and so ungrateful for all she’s done for me. My sister (11 years younger) who i was required to keep talked down to me and refused to listen and treated me terribly, I wasn’t allowed to punish her, and when I’d bring it to my mom she’d say “what do you expect, your her sister not her boss”.When my ex husband allowed his brother to violate me without my permission while I was intoxicated and told my mom that I agreed to it and just couldn’t handle it when it happened, she told me it was my own fault for “playing big girl games” when I said I felt raped she said that I needed to grow up and fix things with my husband. When I didn’t she said she’d always thought he had a crush on her anyway. When I leaned on a male friend through that time and eventually began dating him (unaware that he himself was a narcissist and would torture me for 5 years), she told me how disgusting I was for running through men but also that she could run circles around me when it comes to men and that she could have had said narc if she’d wanted him. I could go on. Reply October 31, 2018 at 4:56 pm I just want to say Thank You. Thank you for all that you do and the help that you have available. For doing something you feel passionate about, something that once was a horrible part of your life and molding it into something beautiful. 💕 Reply October 31, 2018 at 5:55 pm Thank YOU so much! 🙂 Reply October 31, 2018 at 6:16 pm I have definitely had that with my narc husband(thanks for details!) I'm leaving him and taking my kids and there's no looking back! Any suggestions to make a safe/legally binding move? Reply October 31, 2018 at 6:20 pm Sounds like my dad Reply October 31, 2018 at 7:03 pm Thank you so much for this video seminar, especially. Until about 6 months ago, was under therapy since 2002, which continually advised me to confront my "abusers". I knew this useless, being a fight response person since 12. But do this I did and what ruckuses it would cause. Mainly, with me being the problem, the family turning on, and being disowned, and being labeled a drama queen 👑. My moniker to the neighborhood when questioned if I made a fuss too loud during beatings. My big success, my blessings are I married a wonderful broken man whose strengths are my weaknesses and mine his, and we knew we wanted our children raised opposite: no shaming their being, encouraging their interests and trying and not succeeding was great because trying took bravery. Now, after 40 years together, fighting internal demons, we are getting better together. We recognize some traits we "inherited" that aren't good and insecurities and especially : Don't confront the Narcissist. Reply October 31, 2018 at 7:10 pm I'm just getting awareness of the phenomenon lately, at the ripe age of 53. It gave me great insights into myself and my family. I am now teaching myself to cope currently, and hopefully heal. Thank you for your great channel. 🙂 Reply October 31, 2018 at 8:15 pm Great video. This one really hit home. How do we validated ourselves? Sometime this feels impossible, and then I get depressed. Reply October 31, 2018 at 8:23 pm We love you Angie x Reply October 31, 2018 at 8:41 pm I told my mother: "I think I knew when I got diagnosed [with aspergers] that ourrelationship, even the minimum it's been lately, wouldn't survive. It's just been too based on me lying to protect your feelings." Her response: "I think what you would prefer from me now is a period of silence, so that is what I offer you. How long it lasts is for you to decide" Reply October 31, 2018 at 8:52 pm I so relate, it is a horrible way to be raised.. so sad Reply October 31, 2018 at 10:29 pm Your Aunt is an idiot. Reply November 1, 2018 at 2:20 am Being constantly invalidated as a child by my narcissistic mother has made it impossible to have healthy relationships with anyone. I didn't realize until recently how much damage it has truly caused. I always had an inkling that there was something off about the way my mother treated me. This video, along with the many others you have on this channel, really makes me feel validated. Thanks for what you are doing here! Reply November 1, 2018 at 5:12 am Can a narcissistic mother be the opposite from this? For instance, in public or on facebook this woman I know (probable narcissist) rants and raves about how proud she is of her kids, how great they are, and how they are her world (even though in private they are not her "world"). It is like she is displaying them in such a way that is giver herself praise for being such a great mom. Is that typical behavior? Reply November 1, 2018 at 3:15 pm Me to Misty Marrow. My mom used to tell me my memories as a child were only dreams not reality. I'm a mom now. I've done a lot of healing from this and currently don't talk to my mom. I'm not fully healed yet from my narc mom's abuse. But I have changed the cycle with my children. But it's not easy and I'm not perfect. And I have narc characteristics that destroyed my life. "I might not be where I want to be but at least I'm not where I used to be" – Joyce Meyer. Reply November 1, 2018 at 6:13 pm "Intuition is broken". Gosh that's me. I feel like I have no intuition whatsoever !! I feel like I can never trust my gut feelings or my discernment is so off. Reply November 1, 2018 at 7:40 pm Awesome video! So eye opening, so mind blowing! If this would be your only video on youtube it would still be the best narc awareness channel! Reply November 1, 2018 at 7:44 pm My mother was my hero, my love, my everything! But she died (in my arms) when i was 14. My dad i think is a covert narc. But i still dont want to admit it. Or I justify it. I feel sorry for him. Reply November 2, 2018 at 6:28 pm Sounds like my toxic, soulless, beast-of-demonic, piece-of-shit mother! They ARE cruel. They will NEVER change for the better. They only correct, direct, smash, and tare down. Hell has a specific place for these women that should never give birth in the first place. I know fathers can be this way too. But I didn't have one after 16. Just a beast of a demon mother. Uggh! Dare I say I H**E this woman? I sure feel the hate flowing through me. God bless you Queen Bee! You're the best😁👍 Reply November 2, 2018 at 7:42 pm No gifts or anything I ever did in life, good, bad or in between was ever good enough for my NM! There was absolutely nothing, short of dying that would have pleased that evil woman. I come from generational narcissism on both sides of the family. My father moved & passed away, I will never fully know if he had a pd just like her. I’m living as best as I can in a diminished capacity after decades of abuse, healing will take the rest of my life! I’m hoping life becomes easier eventually and perhaps one day better. Reply November 3, 2018 at 2:15 am I knew there was something wrong with my mother but it's only recently that I found out she is a narc. So much of what you said is true of me. Constant put downs, criticisms, name calling, physical and verbal abuse. And estrangement from a sibling who I feel "drank the family Kool Aid" where I was concerned. But I am learning detachment from the whole mess of narcs which have been in my whole life (mother, friends, long term relationships, boss, dance teacher) and am ready to move on from it all. Once you know the truth you can free yourself from it and them. Because now you know what to look for and can keep your distance-which I highly recommend. Reply November 3, 2018 at 8:39 am Yep, this is what happened to me. I am now recovering my self. Thank you for these amazing videos, Angie! You have changed my life for so much better!! Reply November 4, 2018 at 6:25 pm I was born in to an NPD family. There was no where and has never been anywhere to turn. I see now as an adult the difference even the support of just one person makes. It would be nice to have that. Reply November 4, 2018 at 11:20 pm Hi Angie, I came from a narc obsessive compulsive and depressive mother and a narcopath obsessive compulsive and depressive father, both invalidated me to no end. My frenemy father validated me twice, once for my signage project and by both of them attending my community college choir concert, it sucks yucky, yikes, eww, argh, ugh and icky! Take care and thanks! Reply November 5, 2018 at 1:12 am None of my accomplishments were ever recognized by my narcissistic family, I went through a meth addiction in my mid to late 20s. When I hit 30 I made the choice to quit. I did this cold turkey ony own with no help or rehab. I received no recognition from them for my accomplishment. I went low contact with them. Both my parents are dead and I'm no contact with my siblings Reply November 6, 2018 at 10:08 pm My mum is a narc. No faith in me at all. When i passed my driving test at 17 first time, she had already purchased a "sorry you failed your test card" ..she had to go and buy a new card, after telling me and showing me the original card. Needless to say, when i drove for her in her car, i could feel her hatred for me and of course then i was nervous..so i drove badly. She did not validate me at all..but she validated my brother for everything. She used to hit me and call me "thick head". Reply November 7, 2018 at 5:13 am Spot on discussion! Mine would do horrible things to other people then blame me for it (some of my relatives still don't talk to me and it's been 30 years). She beat me if I had a different opinion than hers (whether or not I was wrong), and when I was 11, I asked her if she loved me, and she paused a really long time, said "of course I do", then walked away. Our family never hugged. Turning point began when I was 16 (my birthday no less) and I disagreed with her about politics, and she lost it. She pounded on me until she wore herself out, then I stood up, realized she was unable to hurt me anymore, looked at her, and tears of pity welled in my eyes. A look of horror and fear appeared on her face and she never hit any of us again. But damage was done. I married a man who was good for the most part but still manipulated me, luckily that manipulation helped me see where I was doing some of the same things she did and I also made the mistake of doing some of those behaviors with my son, who is now doing it to his family. I've made huge changes to become a better person. Still struggle with the isolating self esteem issues and abandonment issues. Always a work in progress. Reply November 11, 2018 at 3:49 pm OH, the Pain and Damage from it, Angie! Lifelong! Even NC for the last 16 months…I have so much pain and torment in the aftermath! We all do! I did not figure this out till I found YOU and some other narc abuse videos! Late in life… But want to believe it is not TOO late! Long as we are alive? IT is not too late!! Reply November 15, 2018 at 5:24 pm at 13:20 my mother spoke to me like this as a child. so weird to hear you sound so much like her. Reply November 17, 2018 at 5:19 pm Yea Reply November 19, 2018 at 8:51 pm “Opinions needs wants are selfish, your too sensitive, your taking things personally”. Reply November 21, 2018 at 4:30 pm Thank you so much for all your help. My goodness you have helped me so much. Finally, I understand it all and I’m so happy to know this before I croak, I’m 58. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️fyi, i was crying about this issue. When I cry I know I’ve truely understood the sadness of being the daughter of a narcsissy. I’m FREE!! I’ve gone no contact and it’s the holiday season. I won’t be attending gatherings that all my other loved ones are at but she’s there so I’m not going. Reply November 27, 2018 at 9:54 pm To be honest, there is no way of winning with a narcissistic mother. They will always only view you as an extension of themselves. Not your own person. Ever. The only way to win is to go no contact. Reply November 27, 2018 at 11:41 pm 2:53 You hit me with this video so badly cause my narc mother make me feel ever like a bag of shit since very little as 7 years old, her words to me ever as I do remember when I was a kid and even in my teens and youth telling me "You dont even serve for an ass plug.." She toll me this everytime I did a mistake in absolutely everything, my self esteem was down ever and a lot of times I though in to commit suicide, till today I never forguet those words, I still sometimes think in such words everytime I do a mistake and I dont live anymore with my mother since 20 long years ago, you are describing my mother perfectly, I decided to have Zero Contact with my mother after being abused by her for 30 long years, thanks for to give education of this kind of sick persons like my Narc Mother to everyone, greetings to you from Virginia, The United States of America. Reply December 2, 2018 at 11:29 pm I would love your advice on my story do you have an email? It's far too private to write here Reply December 7, 2018 at 1:32 pm Had a similar experience with an aunt when I tried to tell her about my narc mom. Fuck that shit. Reply January 31, 2019 at 7:52 pm Both my parents are this way. My father used to beat me for even small things. My mother would tell him what I had done and stand next to him while he gave me a beating.My mother often tells me I misunderstand things and gives me the narcisstic stare when I do something I shouldn't in her opinion. As a kid and teen I used to be dressed in wide, baggy clothes which she picked. I just felt like I had no control over my life whatsoever.To this day I'm afraid to dye my hair because of the evil stare she will give me. I'm now a 26-year-old woman. Reply February 1, 2019 at 5:55 am Yes I was using the term chronically invalidated last week to cone to find out that, damn!, that's my problem! But as you said the problem of the narcisstix person. Thanks your videos help so much until I'm able to get a therapist Reply February 14, 2019 at 9:57 pm What happens later when the toxic parent is senior and requires care and time? How does one deal with it when walking away isn’t really an option? Reply March 8, 2019 at 8:00 pm Subliminal is not blatant, subliminal means subconscious or unconscious. And it can be harder to send subconscious messages to someone during the waking hours because your subconscious mind is not awake or active during the daytime and you do not have access to this part of your brain during the daytime. You have full access to your subconscious mind while you’re sleeping and 20 minutes before you go to bed and 20 minutes while you’re waking up. So it is hard for them to be “sending subliminal messages” during the daytime. Subliminal is not blatant. Great video though!! Reply May 3, 2019 at 11:55 am My heart hurts watching this. Reply May 8, 2019 at 6:59 pm This video hits all the points, well done! Reply May 25, 2019 at 9:44 am 💜 I suffer with all of the above. I hate myself Reply July 29, 2019 at 7:20 pm This is exactly what happrned to me. Realizing it 4 years later but not foing to let her behavior go onto me anymore; im love anf thats what ill project i dont want to be anything like my mom. Reply Comment here Cancel reply Comment Name * Email * Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment.