Oh yeah. Looking good, Jerry. Next week you’re gonna graduate to the seven pound weights, yeah. (audience laughing) Five minutes to the show.
Oh yeah. What are ya doin’? Oh, Jerry Springer’s here today to promote his new show and I wanna be jacked so he’ll hire me to be one of the show’s security guards, you know? I could be the next Steve Wilkos. You know that’s how Steve Wilkos got his own show. Okay you already have a show. And besides Springer is here to promote a courtroom show called Judge Jerry. So he’s not gonna need a security guard. A courtroom show? That is perfect. Ah yeah. I have this from when I auditioned to be Judge Judy’s Bailiff. You went out for that? Yeah, sure! There’s great money in the sidekick business. I also tried to be Ellen’s DJ. (mimicking DJ noises)
(audience laughing) I also tried out to be Norman on Wendy. Look, I’m gonna go start the show, but I’m gonna be back for this bad boy later. Good money in it. Mr. Springer!
(audience applauding) Could I talk to you for a minute? (upbeat music)
(audience cheering) (audience clapping) What’s up? (audience singing and clapping) What’s up? What’s up? (audience cheering) Woo! Woo! Yes, thank you. (audience cheering) Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. (audience cheering) Thank you. Okay everybody. All right everybody. All right. Chill out, okay. All right. Got a long show. (scattered yelling) Okay, wow. Okay, okay. Somebody, somebody went to Starbucks this morning. (audience laughing) All right everybody, listen. Week three, here we go. (audience cheering) I flew home this weekend, I went to my wife’s movie premiere, Satanic Panic, there we go. I definitely, it’s a fact. I definitely married way out of my league. (audience laughing) Beautiful, wow. Her movie opens September sixth. Okay, let’s get right to it. GMA’s, Good Morning America’s Laura Spencer found herself in a little bit of hot water over the weekend. After talking about Prince George taking ballet, take a look. Young Prince George, just six years old, heading back to school. The future king of England will be putting down the play dough to take on religious studies, computer programming, poetry, and ballet, among other things. (laughter) You couldn’t contain, oh he looks so happy about the ballet class. (laughter) Prince George, Prince William says George absolutely loves ballet. Good for him. I have news for you, Prince William. We’ll see how long that lasts. (audience oh’s) (Jerry imitates laughter) (audience laughs) I mean, they’re all, by the way it’s not just Laura, it’s all of them. Like (imitates laughter). A lot of people found her comments insensitive, including So You Think You Can Dance’s Travis Hall, take a look. Dear Laura Spencer on Good Morning America, yesterday you made comments while talking about Prince George wanting to take a ballet class, and laughing that he loves it. And I found these comments to be very upsetting. Not only did you inspire your audience and colleagues to participate in the laughter, you have now added fuel to the fire to a massive problem in this country, which is bullying. The next time you want to laugh at a child for taking a dance class, or to laugh at them at all, look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself if you want to be a bully today. (audience applauding) Yeah. Right on Travis. Now Laura apologized profusely on GMA this morning. Hey guys listen, full disclosh, I took, this is not a joke, I took ballet as a kid. My mom thought it would be a good idea. And it’s true, at the time, I didn’t really like it. But you know what? It did teach me grace, posture, and I understood the beauty and majesty of dance. (audience applauding)
True story. And if anyone is in the New York area or coming to visit, they should go to the Joyce Theater right here in Chelsea, it’s an amazing dance theater. (audience applauding)
And, and in solidarity with Prince George, I whipped out my old leotard and decided to entertain our audience this morning, take a look. Yes.
(audience cheering) Oh what? Yes. Yes. Yes. And then I find a seat, Oh!
(audience cheering) What a feeling! Yes! Oh yeah, yes! Yeah!
(audience cheering) Feeling it! Yeah. Laugh at that Laura! Okay. (audience laughs) By the way, if anyone does show up to work a little tired, I suggest getting a bucket of water splashed on you before you come to work it (snaps) I was immediately awake after that. Thank you Michael Lee for that outfit, and for dumping the water on me. (audience applause) And for the choreography. Okay, this is, this is a great story. Nene Leaks, my girl Nene, was caught,
(audience cheering) love you Nene. Always looking good, Always
Always. Always. Nene Leakes was caught over the weekend knocking a phone out of a photographer’s hand, take a look. Can you take a picture of me? Yeah. Hey Nene, how are you doing? Your, your number one fan over there. (audience yells) Now, listen. I’m not sure if this is gonna be the popular opinion that I have here, but I have to defend my girl Nene Leakes here, okay? Just ’cause you’re in a, I’m sorry guys. But just because you’re in a public place, you should not be allowed to run up on people and film them, okay? (audience applause) Now, I do know Nene well. We’re friends, we’re good friends. I could, I could text her right now friends. I have her number. I’m, I’m kidding. I don’t have her number. But, (laughs)
(audience laughs). But if I did have her number I’d be texting her all the time. Nene, why’d you hit that phone out of that guy’s hand? But I do know Nene. I am friends with her. And I want to tell you, I would never run up on her, okay? Has this photographer ever seen an episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta? (audience cheering and clapping) I mean seriously. Has he seen one scene of Real House Wives of Atlanta? (audience laughing) Has he seen anything with Nene and Kim Zolciak? You know you don’t do that to Nene. I mean, just this past season Nene knocked out a cameraman’s tooth for going in her closet. Remember, yes! (audience clapping). So while I discourage the destruction of property, I also discourage people from running up on Nene. (audience applause) Love you Nene. Speaking of Nene. This is actually even bigger news. This is, for me the biggest news all weekend. The big story is who Nene was spotted with this weekend. You all know what I’m about to say. Nene was seen out with my boss, my Oprah, Wendy Williams. (audience cheering) Yes. Yes! Yes! Now Nene and Wendy had a falling out about five years ago, so this is an extremely, extremely big deal. I personally cannot wait to hear all about it when Wendy is back right here September 16th. (audience cheering) Right. September 16th we’re gonna hear about Wendy’s Hot Girl Summer (laughs). Can’t wait. Love you boss. Okay, oh man, this is my favorite. Everyone knows this is my favorite. Sundays really special to me. Because 90 Day Fiancé was on last night, yes! You know what I’m talking about! Even the audience is like 90 Day Fiancé. He’s gonna say 90 Day Fiancé.
(audience laughing) Yes! For those who don’t know, get out of the rock you been living under. 90 Day Fiancé centers around Americans who have fallen in love online with foreigners, and follows them to see if they will be getting married in 90 days. We have so much to talk about, we have so little time. So yes, it’s time for another rapid reality recap. (audience cheers)
Hit it! Okay, let me, let me just stretch out here. Okay. Okay. I’m ready. Give me 90 seconds on the clock please. 90 seconds. 90 seconds on the clock, let me just stretch out here, okay. Here we go, I’m ready. And go. 47 year old Rebecca flew to Tunisia to meet her 26 year old love Zied. Zied played soccer, looked hot in Spandex, and reluctantly introduced Rebecca to his friends while sitting like this. Boom, yeah.
(audience yelling) Rebecca gave Zied a blow out and Zied had a problem with Rebecca wearing a sleeveless silk tank, like a big problem. He got really mad when Rebecca bared it all at the Tunisian club. 38 year old Kim wore gold Ooh La La eye patches I wore last week on the show on his flight to Columbia to meet Jennifer, who is hot, hot, hot, caliente hot. Jen met Tim at the airport, and in the taxi ride home they got into their fist fight over his ex. Divorced dad Ben was heading to Kenya to meet his love Akinyi, Ben’s siblings drove him to the airport so he could save on the shuttle, ’cause he’s a little stressed about the bride price he needs to fork over to Akinyi’s peepaw. Akinyi’s dad does not like white people, which is gonna pose a problem because Ben is well, white, like really white. Like maybe the most whitest person in the entire world. They finally met in person, and Akinyi is the cutest, we’re really pulling for these two. 19 year old Avery flew to Lebanon to meet her 24 year old love Omar. Avery went to whatever is Lebanon’s version of Kleinfeld’s to get a wedding dress. Say yes to the dress. At dinner Avery’s mom ordered Long Island Ice tea, and Omar let her know that drankin’ is harmful. And my girl Darcey from Connecticut is now in London with her British hunk who I’m gonna call Harry Potter. They went to an Airbnb, Darcey cried Harry Potter got freaked out, they got in the bedroom, Darcey cried again. Harry Potter
(buzzer) slept in the same bed.
(audience cheering) But Darcey bumps him in the nose! That’s it! Oh man you gotta, you got punched in the nose! Woo, man. That’s my workout for the week everybody. (audience laughs)
Is doing this Rapid Reality Recaps. Big news everybody, you know who’s here. Jerry, Jerry Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry Jerry Springer’s here but up next we got a big Love After Lockup story! Love After Lockup! Oh man, Love After Lock Up, Love After Lock Up, Love after Lock Up! Did not disappoint this Friday night. It is a show about inmates falling in love behind bars with the people on the outside. All right? We’re gonna talk about this show every single Monday, hold on a second, this is my last Monday, so this is last time I’ll be talking about it. (audience laughing)
But whatever. Okay, let me tell you about some of the highlights. 29 year old mother Lacey is in a little bit of a jam, well, I’ll let her explain. Take a look. Today is going to be a huge day for me, I’m going to go pick Shane up from prison. I met Shane about four months ago online. I fell for Shane even though we’ve never met in person. But when my fiancé John gets released in a few weeks, he plans to be paroled to my house. So I don’t really have a lot of time to figure this out. (audience laughing and oohing) Okay so let’s just, let me just clear this up for everybody, okay? Lacey is currently engaged to not one, but two felons, okay? Who are about to be released within two weeks of each other. (audience applause) Okay listen, as Ricky Ricardo used to say, Lacey, you got some ‘splaining to do. (audience laughs and claps) Can’t wait. 25 year old mother of three Cheryl is on her way to pick up her felon Josh, who served six years for armed robbery. Now Cheryl plans on staying with Josh for three months in Colorado, yeah that’s not a problem, because her parents will take care of her three kids back at home. We learned that, we actually learn that a very famous person was responsible for setting these lovebirds up, take a look. I have always been into serial killers. I’ve seen a lot of Colorado. from when I’m visiting Josh. But one thing I haven’t seen is the ADX, who houses a lot of serial killers. And one of them is the Unabomber Ted Kaczynski. And being able to see the prison where he’s at like, I don’t know, it’s kind of like when you’re walking through Hollywood and you run into a star. And if it wasn’t for him, I never would have taken the time out to look for an inmate to pen pal. I never would have met the love of my life. (audience talking) (Terrified grunt) That’s, this is, this is not a joke. It was actually the Unabomber who helped these two crazy kids meet, okay! I mean, you know the Unabomber is, he’s just like Cupid. Except, he’s the Unabomber (laughs) okay? (audience clapping) Look at this guy, yeah. Unabomber, draw back your bow. (audience laughing and clapping) Now hold on a second, check it out, Unabomber got me crazy in love (laughs) (audience laughs) Unabomber, settin’ people on these streets, okay. 30 year old government employee Vincent picked up 34 year old convicted drug trafficker Amber from prison and found out that Amber is actually in another marriage with her prison wife, take a look. Hey my beautiful wifey. Hey baby. I love you, bitch. Puppy is the finest bitch in prison, period. That’s why she’s mine. When Puppy and I were in prison together we would kiss, you know. We would lay up in the bed together. I mean we took care of each other. We were a couple in there and she’s always going to be, you know, my Ace. I love you, mwah! I got you. I love her, that’s my bitch. (audience laughing and talking) Always awkward when you’re engaged to someone and then you find out they’re currently married to their prison spouse, you know? (audience clapping) She loves her Puppy. That’s her b-word. Finally we have 47 year old Angela who was eagerly awaiting the arrival of her 34 year old felon Tony at the romantic locale, the Greyhound station. She brought him a change of clothes and as he changed in front of her, she could not keep her hands to herself, take a look. Oh I get to see your sexy body for the first time? I got an undershirt on right now. Are you gonna take your undershirt off? No. You’re, you’re gonna leave your undershirt on. Yeah wait ’til, wait ’til I get to the gym. (laughs) You’re gonna be hot. See I’m trying to talk you out of that shirt. I could tell. I’m hot, that’s what I am. Bad boys are sexy. (laughing) I just want to touch you, I never got to just freely You only touched me one. You know, been restricted for so long. (audience clapping) He kinda, he kinda looks like he wants to get back on that Greyhound and go back to prison. (audience laughs) I know what Angela’s doing. She’s doing the old, felon just got out of prison hasn’t felt a soft touch of a woman chest rub, oh yeah. Oh, mmm, you like, oh yeah, oh yeah, I see you Angela. Listen you gotta play a little hard to get. Okay, you gotta let the recently released convicts come to you, Angela. They’re like cats. They need to warm up to you. He just got out of prison, he doesn’t want you giving him a pat down as he jumps in the car. Be cool Angela, let him come to you. Now listen, huge news. Next week a new couple is joining the show, Teresa and Joe Giudice. (audience cheering)
Yes, it’s true. It’s crazy. Our friends at We TV, whee TV! They were nice enough to send us a sneak peak, take a look. (prison doors shutting) (audience yelling and laughing) Hey Trey, thanks for visiting me in this detention center. You know, it sucks in here. You’d think they’d treat a big star like me a little better. You know, I can’t even keep my pecs nice and juicy here. I’ve been lifting these ugats tomato cans to try and stay in shape. Ah. Me and the girls
(audience yelling) miss you, Juicy Joe. But, bein’ in prison isn’t so bad, right? I mean when I was in the clink I was on cafeteria duty, and they love my meatballs. You know, one night two girls got in a knife fight over the last ball. Yeah, hey listen Trey. It sounds like I’m gonna be deported straight to Italy when I get out of here. I’m so excited, our family’s finally gonna be reunited in Italy when this is all over. (record scratch)
I’m, I’m, I’m sorry what. What was that now? Just me and you and the girls can start a new life in the boot, you know? The pizza, the culture, easy access to the Leaning Tower of Pisa, you know, who needs America right? Well I love America. I mean, no where else could you fail as many times as I have and still succeed (laughs) Hey, you know what, maybe there’s a Real Housewives of Italy that you can join. And your catchphrase could be, I used to party like a Jersey Girl, and now I spend all my time in church, like a good Italian wife, you know? The Giudices are finally gonna be a family again. Trey, tell me those three little words that I love to hear from you. Aw yeah, of course baby. Strippin’ prostitution whore! All right, ciao. Have a great life in Italy. I mean, see you there. Okay, ciao. Hey, come kiss me. All right, yeah. (kissing noises) Get the fuck away from the glass! Oh oh oh easy! I’m not doing anything, relax all right! Unbelievable, just trying to say goodbye to my wife. (audience cheering) Thank you again Michael Lee. Love you buddy. On today’s show comedian Michelle Collins breaks down the best of celebrity clap backs and couples news from Instagram and up next, talk show legend Jerry Springer is here. We’ll be right back. Give it up for Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry. Jerry Springer everybody! Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry (audience yelling and clapping) (audience drowns out conversation) Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry. (cheering and clapping)
Thank you. [Woman In Audience] Love you, Jerry! Why don’t you get your own name? (laughing) I mean, like Maury or something. (laughing) What’s this Jerry business. Actually, when I started out, I was the same thing. Except it was Oh Jer, Oh Jerry? Oh Jerry? Yeah. Oh Jerry!
No not him. Oh Jerry!
Congratulations and, Thank you.
I hope this goes great. Thank you so much.
(audience cheering) Mr. Springer, I gotta tell you, just looking at that clip, Mr. Jerry. Mr. Jerry, great.
(audience laughing) Mr. Jerry, I gotta tell you, after watching that clip, I’m watching your show. I mean, it’s like your show, Jerry Springer but in a a courtroom setting. Yeah. Well thanks, appreciate it. One, I appreciate it because I have expenses, so. Please do watch. No, it’s, well I started out as a lawyer. So this gives me a chance to actually go back to my roots and it’ll still be dealing, obviously, with the issue. But these are real cases. Which frankly, I didn’t know when it all started. But how we work it is, in all 50 states, we have stringers, what they call and they, every morning they go and look at all the cases that have been filed in their region the day before. And if they find an interesting case, they call the plaintiff and the defendant and say would you be willing to have your case adjudicated on national television with me as the host. And if they say yes, we send, bring them to Connecticut and we do the show. So this is so interesting, So there are,
We do real cases. There are literal Springer stringers around the country, I’m not kidding!
Exactly! Stringer Springers. Yes. Who look to see for cases that are filed, and then if they’re interesting, they call them up and say come and do the show. So it’s so real, in other words, these people have no idea they’re going to end up on television when they filed the cases. So this is real, and the decision I give, this is true of all the court shows, the decision I give, that’s it. They can’t then appeal to a court of common pleas. So I’ll joke around a bit because I can’t help it, but it’s, but it’s serious, in other words the decision I give, they have to live with that. And so I want to treat it with respect and. Now I’m, I’m a huge fan of judge shows. Of courtroom shows. There’s famously, you know one that’s out there right now. What’s up Judge Judy. (audience laughs) Now did you watch, are you a fan of hers? Are you a fan of judge shows? I know her, to be honest I don’t watch much television except sports and maybe politics. But I know Judge Judy and personally, and she’s a lovely woman. And obviously has the most successful court show. So if I can be any degree as good as she is, that would be great. And I don’t watch it to, But I’m gonna, Hold on a second. We all have our own personality though. Mr. Springer or Mr. Jerry, I’m sorry you’re supposed to, aren’t you supposed to like create a beef now with Judge Judy ’cause you both have like court shows? Aren’t you supposed to like, call her out or like, You know I don’t know. I could have a beef with her, but she would whip my- (Jerry laughs)
(audience clapping) No they’re, you guys are, I’m, I’m not gonna mess with her. Well you see there’s a, there’s a lot of room on television. So she has her great show, and. We also watch courtroom shows for the personalities that are there. And you have two completely different personalities. And I have to say, Mr. Jerry, I’m very much looking forward to your personality in a courtroom setting. I can’t wait to watch it. Yeah, well.
It’s gonna be a little bit of your show, a little bit of courtroom stuff. Yeah, but.
It’s gonna be the perfect formula. (imitates eating) I’ve done some of the cases already and honestly, this is the first grown up job I’ve had in the last 30 years. (Audience laughs)
So. Is it – And this is the first time, my wife said to me, she said “you know honey, this is this the first time in your life that the words Jerry Springer and honorable will be in the same sentence.” (O’Connell laughing) (audience clapping)
No, come on. No, think about it. I mean, I can finally tell, I can finally tell my grandson Richard what I do for a living. That’s funny. No.
He thinks I sell insurance. No, we love you. Everybody loves you Jerry, come on! (audience cheers and claps) What you do is honorable, I love it, always. Can I ask you when you put on that robe, can you get me or any of the studio audience out of parking tickets? (laughs) You know what I was thinking of doing? Now, I don’t think the producers are gonna like this. But wouldn’t it be great, on the bench. On the side of the bench to just have a can that says “tips”? (laughing)
(audience laughing) And never refer to it. But just, and people will watch and wonder “what’s the tips for?” You mean you wanna win, you wanna win the case you know. There you go. And by the way, very (audience clapping) Very quick question. How come Mr. Wilkos isn’t your bailiff? What’s up, dude? Where’s he? Well he’s, Steve has his own show. See I, I begat Steve. Just like Oprah begat Dr. Phil. Sure, just like Wendy, Wendy got me. Exactly. Yeah. Wendy’s my Oprah. I gotta be honest. When I begat Steve, that was a painful birth. No, I don’t want to get personal, but woo. He does look like, No, I, he’s great.
He kinda does have that baby look, he’s got that bald head right there. Mr. Wilkos, do love his show as well. Okay everybody listen up, up next two Jerry’s enter, only one Jerry leaves. (audience oohs) It’s Jerry versus Jerry in the ultimate Jerry showdown! Game on! (audience cheering) Okay. I don’t even gave to introduce him, we’re with with a legend everybody, you know who it is. (audience cheers) Listen here, everybody. The Jerry Springer show taped over 5,000 insane episodes. (audience cheers) Here at the Jerry O’ Show, we’ve only taped five and a half episodes. But I have acted in over 100 crazy movies. Now we’re gonna find out, now we’re gonna find out if Jerry Springer can tell the difference. I’m going to read to you, Mr. Springer, Mr. Jerry, a scenario and you have to tell me if it happened on Springer or in one of my movies or both. Are you ready? Oh, it could be both? It could be both. Oh. One of my films or one of your 5,000 episodes. Jerry McGuire always my favorite. Jerry McGuire was a good one, yes. I have DVD right in the back, we can watch it after the show. (audience laughing) Okay.
Yes. All right here we go. Here is scenario one, did this happen on Jerry’s show, in one of my films, or both? Scenario one, a porn star has a beef with her director because he put her in danger while filming. Did that happen on Springer, one of my movies or both? Both! Actually that, I think was one of your movies. (bell dings) You’re correct! It was a film called Piranha 3D! (audience cheering) Okay, all right, okay. Piranha 3D. That’s only because I’m so old, I don’t remember what my show had. Scenario two, a man gets into a love triangle with his wife and a really creepy coworker. Did that happen on Springer, one of my films or both? (audience yelling) Lot of Springers. Certainly on my show, the question is was it one of your movies, I’ll just say my show. (buzzer) No, you’re a loser Mr. Springer, it happened on both. It happened on a film I did called Obsessed staring Beyonce and Idris Elba, yeah. You know it’s,
It’s us. You know what’s neat is that is not the first time someone said to me, Jerry you’re a loser. (laughing) Scenario three, a guy has a fantastic date with his dream girl only to find out she was really a man. Did that happen on Springer, Springer, one of my movies, or both? Springer!
A lot of Springers. Oh that’s Springer. (bell dings)
Yes, you’re correct. The episode was titled My Date was a Dude. Although I would make that movie, I would make that movie. Okay, scenario four, a grown man goes through life dressed like an adult baby, diaper and all. Did that happen on Springer, one of my films or both? Well it’s clearly my show, I remember that show. (bell dings)
Yeah, you’re right. Wow.
The episodes was Heidi the Adult Baby. Yeah, yeah. And I’m still wearing diapers. (laughing) Scenario five, a man has sex with a ghost and falls in love, did that happen on Springer, one of my films or both? (audience yelling)
Springer? Getting a lot of Springers. I’m going to say both. (buzzer) Oh you’re wrong, it only happened to me it was in a Lifetime movie I did called Midnight Bayou, it’s a classic. I have sex with a ghost. Mr. Jerry, Mr. Springer, thank you so much for being here. You and me you are not-
You’re the ultimate Jerry. Watch his show!
(audience cheering) Watch his show! Judge Jerry premiers September Ninth, check your local listing. (upbeat music) (audience cheering) We’re back, and it’s time to play Kiss List where audience members have to list all the famous people a celebrity has dated in 30 seconds. Who are you and where are you from? My name is Brianna JaVon and I’m from Dallas, Texas! Yeah!
(audience cheers) America’s team right there. All right, you’re gonna get 30 seconds to give us four people from Jennifer Aniston’s Kiss List, are you ready? Go! Paul Rudd, Brad Pitt, Justin Theroux, Vince Vaughn, and Tom Mayer. You did it!
(audience cheering) Give her a gift certificate.
(bell dings) You just got a $150 gift certificate from American Express. Congratulations, good luck to your Cowboys. Who are you and where are you from? Susie from Nebraska. All right Susie. Oh, Cornhusker! Thank you, love your show love your show. Thank you. Okay Susie’s got 30 seconds to give us four people, five people? Or four. Four people come on, this is my show I can say it. Four people that’s enough. You’re gonna get it anyway so who cares. Four people from Nick Cannon’s Kiss List, are you ready? I’m ready. 30 seconds on the clock, go! Mariah Carey, Kim Kardashian, TLC name, It’s cold in here. And Eva with America’s Top Model. Yes!
(bell dings) You got it!
(audience cheering) $150 gift certificate from American Express. Congratulations we’ll be right back! (audience cheering) Woo, oh man you know who we gotta thank? The legend Jerry Springer, the legend. Jerry, Jerry. Jerry, Jerry, Jerry. The very funny Michelle Collins for being our guest today, tomorrow the beautiful, the talented Christina Milian will be here. Thanks so much for hanging out with us today, we’ll see you next time on Jerry O’! (upbeat music)
(audience clapping) (audience singing along)