So it was 25 years July this year just gone I had a best friend I was in my early 20’s, she was 33 she was my best friend for 4 years. She didn’t have mental health problems until after the 4 years she had an abusive husband. She use to always wear a cap to hide her face as she lost all confidence and stuff. Then she went to the day centre she was sent to the day centre where I used to attend anyway. So on a particular day she had been suicidal for a few weeks and I felt the day centre weren’t that helpful with me never mind her. This particular day I’d say she’d been attending for about a month. This day it was about 3pm and she arrived and she was in quite a state and she was suicidal really suicide and I believe that she was fully and she tried to speak to one of the nurses like a CPNs or whatever they were actually a mental health leader to be honest the guy that she tried to speak to he just it brushed her off and she was actually mortified that nobody would listen to her and so after that afternoon that night we arranged that she would come round mine at 8pm and we would have a bottle of wine together because sometimes we did that once a week or something and then it got to 8pm I was waiting for her I just had a funny feeling because the longer it got she wasn’t the kind of person person to not come because we were close. I just had a bad feeling but there was nothing I could do because I didn’t know why she was I couldn’t you know mobiles weren’t really the thing then. I went to bed obviously and then 7am there was a knock on my door it was a professional that worked in the support station I was in to let me know that my friend had died and she actually killed herself with the exhaust hosepipe etc in the car and she actually did it in the day centre’s carpark. which the message to me is she wasn’t listened to even if she had been in the long-term services but she hadn’t and because he didn’t listen to her so I suppose she thought right I’ll do it here and then they will know how serious I imagine that’s what she would be thinking. So obviously I was quite devastated I was really angry the fact that they could’ve listened to to her for 20 minutes and done something about it they didn’t take her seriously and they should have. So I was quite devastated it affected me for a long time. The funeral was horrendous I’m very really lucky as I haven’t been to too many funerals with someone so close at the moment, I probably will in the future. So after you know our time it took a long time will say after a few months after I thought to myself right I want to keep going forward and live for her and when I live for her so I know up above above she is still looking over me believe today she’s looking down on me. Yes I was suicidal at times but then times I was still thinking of her and thinking I wanted to join her because but luckily I kept fighting and I kept on and even to this day I think about her all the time and I imagine her face looking down with her smile that’s not proper beaming smile it’s like a timid smile but she will be made up for me for carrying on with this journey and living my life now, for her too as she wasn’t strong enough.