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How to REACT When People SHOUT or YELL At You? Dealing with Rude People | Self-Improvement Training

How to REACT When People SHOUT or YELL At You? Dealing with Rude People | Self-Improvement Training


Hey people, I know I don’t seem to be in a
good mood today. Well, my boss, oh I am so mad at him. I mean he yelled at me, like in
front of everybody. I know, I was I was late in submitting the report, but the way he yelled
at me… I feel really bad. Now I don’t even feel like going to work anymore. But wait
I shouldn’t allow this to affect me. Well just like me, so many of you probably get
yelled at every single day. Well it’s time for us to do something about it. It’s time
that we take control of the situation, don’t you agree with me? Based on my experience
I know why people yell at their children or why couples scream at each other or probably
why a boss screams more than he actually speaks. So stay tuned with me I am Niharika and you
are watching me on Skillopedia the place to learn skills for the real world. Well today
we are going to look at a very important life skill that will improve and heal all your
relationships. So first let’s understand and why people actually
yell at each other rather than discussing it out. I have five reasons for you all and
which are these five reasons? Well let’s have a look well the first one is, “poor coping
skills”. You know some people don’t have the right skills to just cope up with issues
at hand. That is why they have a huge emotional outburst when faced with a problem. Now this
emotional outburst is actually taking the form of screaming or yelling at the others.
The other reason is “being threatened”. Now there’s a possibility that they feel threatened.
Now they always have this fear of something and they always feel very insecure and that’s
exactly the reason why they want to hide that feeling and what do they do in return? They
scream on the top of their lungs. Another reason is “aggressive personality”. Well
some people are just very aggressive individuals. You know their aggression makes them snap
or yell at people. These people have not learned how to channel their aggression into something
more productive. Another one is the “learned behavior”. You know I believe that some
people you just don’t know any better because they have grown into homes where their parents
have always yelled at each other or probably it’s with their siblings that they never had
a good relationship, the siblings always snapped them. You know they are unfortunately mirroring
what they have seen. You know they have been through this their entire lives. So because
they have never learned the right way to react, they end up screaming. Another reason is “feeling
neglected”. Now some people yell because they feel that they are not heard enough.
You know they are just being ignored, they are being neglected by others. So they feel
neglected and taken for granted and yelling is their way of getting attention and getting
things done their way. So now that we know that why people yell, it’s even more important
to know that how to deal with such people. So today’s session, here are some great ways
to respond appropriately to a person who yells at you. Well first thing and the most important thing
is just “stay calm”, “don’t feed the anger”. I know that when someone yells at
you, your first reaction is to yell back. I mean how dare they raise their voice at
you like that… Let me tell you, as tempting as it gets for you to just go and yell at
them, you must avoid doing so. Since we have learned that people who yell have poor skills
to cope up with their problems. So you’re yelling back at them, will make them lose
even more control and that’s what will increase all that screaming. So which of course will
get you nowhere close to fixing the situation. So stay calm. Well here’s the next thing that
you can do, “assess the situation”. You know it’s always a smart move to always assess
the situation. Ask yourself, is the person who is really yelling at you, is he worth
your time? Is he worth that effort to even respond? Say for example, you are in a subway
and a stranger truly got mad at you for some reason, now he’s a stranger, it’s not even
worth it, you can just walk away, you don’t have to do anything about it. On the other
hand, if it’s your boss… can you just walk away? Oh! Well, if you do that, you will lose
your job. Now in such cases you can wait for the anger to subside and then address the
issue with them if this has been happening on regular basis. Now take it easy if it’s
just for the first time, you don’t have to react or assess the situation. But yes if
it happens regularly, then you gotta do that. Well here’s another thing that you gotta be
careful about. “Don’t encourage the Yeller”. You know most people want to make peace, so
what do they do? Well they end up making mistake of encouraging the Yeller. Now let me tell
you if you agree with something that the Yeller is talking about, you are actually encouraging
him to do that. So he’s always gonna use yelling or shouting a tool. For example if he ends
up saying that, ‘oh my god, how could you do that, I mean this is so irresponsible’
and you’re like, ‘yeah, I agree’ oops… you are encouraging him. So the next time
a problem arises you will find yourself subjected to even more yelling so be careful. Here’s
the next thing, “ask for a break”. Try to address the yelling after which you need
to take a break away from the person who was screaming at you. Well you need to stay away
from this person so that you take care of yourself. Of course you being yelled at, you’re
not gonna like it, you gotta take care of yourself too. I mean you need to bring your
emotions, your anger under control too. Because let’s face it, all that yelling has affected
you on the inside. Like I said, you know I’m not having a great mood, the reason because
it has affected me. So it’s time for you to take control of your emotions too. This break
will help you, will allow you to find that time to address the actual problem behind
all that yelling. Here’s the last one, “go back to the person”. Now when you have calmed
down yourself after taking that much needed break, you may now go back to that person.
Now this time we have to address the issue, remember I also mentioned that it’s important
to address it. Well I believe, it’s the best time since you both are fairly calm and composed
to make the right decisions and think straight. So now you can understand what the Yeller
wants and also give him the assurance that this would not happen from your end ever again
or you try to fix that situation. As you can see, you are now both working at fixing the
problem rather than screaming at each other. So that brings me to the end of this session
today. I hope you have now learned how to stand up to anyone who thinks it’s okay to
yell, because when you stand up for yourself, you are making it very clear that this bad
behavior is just not acceptable to you. So I’ll be back with some more sessions for you
but before I go, please do subscribe to our channel, ‘Skillopedia’ the place to learn
skills for the real world and do click on the bell icon to get regular updates of such
videos and I will see you soon.

Comments (60)

  1. 👉The Art Of Saying ‘I Don’t Give A Damn!’
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hwkavu-F9r0

    👉 Why People Don’t Understand You?
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcW9fs5H778

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    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PCfWyBLJfUU

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  2. Thank you Madam !!!

  3. Thank uou naharika ilearn alot of social skils from you… Keep going iwait you in another session

  4. If someone is shouting, I walk away.
    My life is drama free and I am not here to tolerate anyone’s BS.

  5. I m listening to u very meticulously Niharika..I m improving my listening habit

  6. Golden rule, treat others the way you want to be treated.

  7. Plz speak in hindi mam

  8. Can Any one tell me this in hindi

  9. Ma'am, where have you been?
    It has been long time having seen your videos.
    Is everything okay?

  10. I really Love Your Videos and …..and Its good to be a Gentleman

  11. Lesson starts @4:35

  12. Niharika i will say really. i miss you

  13. One of the best English spoken teacher

  14. Thumbs up from your neighbor 😊

  15. Hello 👋🏻 Mam
    Very well said All are very important things

  16. Wonderful & got a lot to know…thank you 🙏👍

  17. mam thx so much for give me this hacks bcz m very yell person

  18. Lovely english di

  19. This channel has helped me a lot to improve my cmn skills.,

  20. Thanks Niharika mam

  21. Hi Niharika, I really appreciate the way ur teaching, Day by day I started to learn English language from Ur channel. It builds my confident and helping me to Learn more and more. Thank u so much😊

  22. Love you Niharika. The way you speak and sound clearly implies of your being a beautiful person inside.

  23. My best English trainer NIHARIKA thanks a lot

  24. Nice vidio madam
    Plz make a vedio
    How to overcome Enemies?

  25. How to take revange
    Who underestimates us?

  26. Could you guys do a video on how to handle overthinking?

  27. I was searching for this video on YouTube and guess what your video comes out

  28. Nice topic… Thanks

  29. Your boss really yelled at you 🤨 how could he yelled at as a sweet person as you. He is very bad 😡

  30. If I get angry I watch your lessons hear your voice my anger calm down. God bless you. Niharika miss.

  31. mam…I really love the way you express …

  32. Thank you sister it heleped me a lotb

  33. Hi..i don't know what level shall i consider my English speaking skill…i can understand nicely…i can read and write properly i can even speak nicely but the problem is i can't speak in a fluidic manner…constantly….if ill let's say speak for 5 minutes then there will be a point where Hindi or my mother tongue Gujarati will come during conversations…i was very good in it earlier but then everything got changed….please tell me a certain set of practice which i need to do so that i can speak in fluent, fluidic manner…aLso the problem is i need someone to do conversation in English with me…but there is no such person i know whom i can speak too…i also have certain fear while talking i fumble a lot of time while speaking..i speak well in front of mirror but when it comes live in front of person i stammer a lot..i have that fear while speaking in front of so many English speaking people….please suggest me some tips to work on it

  34. Your each suggestion gives me a way to live the life. My whole day go happy when I see u. Love you 💘

  35. Right, Niharika mam…

  36. I also face such problems
    Here I have learned something new to handle these situations 😘🤔🙏

  37. What is the difference between cope an cope up?, please

  38. Thanks to you and your team but my life to see is a move where hero who is still not known

  39. Love you Niharika ma'am

  40. Keep in mind, some people's cultures may be that they yell when they aren't really mad, it's just how they are. Good video.

  41. Stupid advice and unrealistic.

  42. U r amazing Dear Niharika..❤❤❤

  43. Thunx for vedio I am big fun ..

  44. Thank you for this ,more videos pls💕💞,very useful👍💝

  45. Skillopedia is the best channel. It inspired me to create my channel. I too start creating self development videos, if you want to see it please check my channel.

  46. Very educative, keep on imparting these pieces of important knowledge to us.

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  48. Very tough practice, but safe practice.

  49. i need help to decode source of the poetry how to make like this type of poetry.
    https://youtu.be/MvVZAw37WaA

  50. Overacting ki dukaan 😂

  51. 4:36 the video starts…. Thanks me later 😎😎

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