How To Not Drink: Dealing With Peer Pressure

How To Not Drink: Dealing With Peer Pressure

So how do you deal with people that are trying
to cram drinks down your throat? If you’ve ever gone out, right? And you’ve been at a
club or a bar, and you’re trying to not drink, what you have found is that someone there
is basically going to try to force you. They’re going to make you feel guilty. They’re going
to tell you you’re not being fun. They’re going to beg you to do just one with them.
So, how do you deal with that kind of peer pressure, especially when it’s coming from
more than one person? Well, that’s what I want to cover in this
video. First, though, to everyone who watched the first video and agreed to the “one day
I’m gonna go out and not drink challenge” I salute you. This is for you. There are basically
two parts to dealing with that kind of peer pressure. The first is having a reason, and
the second is saying it with conviction. So, to the first part, there’s this funny foible
of human psychology that says and shows, and studies have brought it out, that if you have
a reason, it doesn’t matter what the reason is. People don’t care. They’re not persuaded
by the logic of your arguments. Sometimes, just the existence of a reason is more than
enough. And to demonstrate this, they did a study on a college campus where there are
people waiting in line to make photocopies for a homework, or whatever it was. And what
they would do is they’d send one group of students in the line and they would ask, “Hey,
could I please cut in front of you in line?” Some of the people complied, but a lot of
people didn’t. And then, they made one change. They had a second group of students go, wait
in line for the photocopier and say, “Hey, can I cut in front of you for the photocopier
because I need to make some copies?” And what they found is that 93% of the people complied.
Now, because they need to make some copies is not a compelling or logical reason. Everyone
in line is there to make copies, but human beings crave reasons. So, if you’re going
to go out and you’re not going to drink, you need to know your reason, and be able to communicate
it. It can be that you’re on a diet, and you don’t
want to be drinking alcohol. It can be that you saw my YouTube video and are trying the challenge for one night to not do it to see your willpower. But, if you want an
extra bonus of self-respect, and this one that I found, hits very, very heavy, you can,
actually, turn this into an opportunity to make someone respect you more, and it’s by
doing something like this. So when people ask me, “Charlie, aren’t you going to have
a drink? What’s going on?” At first I’ll just say no, but if they continue to prod, I will
say something to the effect of, “You know, I actually stopped drinking years ago, because
I realized that when I went out, rather than like go talk to people I wanted, people who
are really fun, and go flirt with a girl I was interested in, the first thing that I
would do would be to go the bar and get drunk, and I realized I was using it as a crutch.
So, from that point on, I’ve just been done. I mean, I’ll drink with my friends, maybe,
sometimes, at the house, or maybe for dinner, but I’m in a social situation, I just refuse
to use it as a crutch,” and what that does for me, and, you know, a pause there, and
they’ll go, “Oh, interesting,” and I’ll add on to that and I’ll say, “Yeah, what it does
for me, one, I make much better decisions, but, two, I get to have cool conversations
with people that I want to get to know, and not just waste time. Now, what that last part does, which is really,
really awesome, is it says to them, that communicates to them, that you have standards for the people
around you–subject for another video–but it makes them want to live up to them. They’re
going to want to be one of those people that is worth talking to when you’re sober and
not just drunk. So, guy or girl, you’ll see them step up their game, be more interested
and interesting when they’re conversing with you; really awesome, wins self-respect, makes
for better conversations. Don’t dump it on them all at once. You don’t need to say this
to everyone who asks you if you’re having a drink. It’s only if they continue to prod
and prod and prod for two or three times that you say, “You know what?” Boom! And you give
them that reason, which is, maybe, the reason that you have, maybe you can come up with
your own. The second piece, if people continually push,
and this happens a lot in college environments, and, maybe, for some workplace environments,
but the way that you deal with people that are pushing is actually by getting clear on
your reasoning beforehand. When you say it with conviction, what I found is that people
stop bothering you. When I first started this and I was unsure, and I’d answer, “Ah, no,
it’s just I don’t really want to drink tonight. No, thanks, man, it’s cool.” People would
hound me. “Come on, man, just one. You could do it. Come on, just do one for me, please,
just one?” Right? They’d be all over it. But now, when they say, “Hey, man, do you want
a drink?” I go, “No, I don’t drink.” It’s just over. That sort of certainty and conviction.
There’s a little bit of a battle going on there, right? Whose world view is going to
win out. So, if you take the time now to get clear on your reasons, say it out loud a couple
of times. If you want, you can even write it down. That’s going to do two things. One,
you’re going to be ready to present it to them when the time comes, and, two, you’re
going to say it with so much more conviction because it rings through and resonates with
you. So that’s how to deal with people that are hassling you to drink. There’s a lot more questions that I’ve seen.
How do I have fun? How do I deal with drunk people? I want to cover all those in another
video, but that is the quick tip for the day for all of you going out and doing the challenge.
If you want to see more of these videos, of course, subscribe to this channel. If you
have any questions about, you know, what you should say, what you can do in this environment,
go ahead and write them in the comments and I look forward to seeing you in the next video.

Comments (100)

  1. 99% of ppl are ignorant about the diet excuse, but fuck them too

  2. Saying no with conviction worked pretty well for me. I'm 27 and I never had a single drop of alcohol. ^^ (Only once: when I thought I was drinking apple juice and it turned out to be a very light cider.)
    The reason for me is because I like my brain the way it is and I just don't want it to be under any drug's influence.

  3. 'because' – the most power word!

  4. I think this is good advice. If someone just gives me a reason why they're not drinking then I'll just leave it. if they don't and they use vague reasons like "i don't feel like it" I'm more inclined to think that they're in a bad mood or are unwell and that if they do eventually have a drink later that it's a sign they aren't upset/unwell anymore (hence why I might continue to offer).

  5. Try living in Australia, ain't no reason that'll get you out of drinking when you're out with mates hahah

  6. I don't drink and when I say "No, I don't drink" when someone asks me if I want some there are always one of two reactions. Either the person thinks I'm weird and starts to "But why?" or "What, are you pregnant or something?" and so on or either the person thinks I'm going to make them quit drinking and starts to say things like "I love the taste of beer" or "But you can't stop me". The same goes for vegetarianism, but then change the "I love the taste of beer" to "I love the taste of bacon"…

  7. Your Channel's killing it Mr. Charisma

  8. You and your are really Charismatic! People need to listen a lot to you. Great videos! Great tips! Great Ideas! Great you, creating greater people!

  9. How old is he? The face tells me 24 and the mind 30+
    I like his videos, I hope it helps the shy ones out there, to come out their shell. We all need to connect!

  10. Being latino makes this 100x harder 🙁 it's a culture thing, I'm not insinuating we're all a bunch of drunks lol

  11. Ummm Kevin Hogan video watcher…..

  12. Ummmm Broadcast…umm No…. YouTubeCaster… Yes, U Need A LOT of stuff…..

  13. Great video! Agree with everything. Idea for next video: explain why friends at a party feel compelled to beg/ cajole/persuade you to drink with them, is it to rationalize or validate their own behavior or are there other dynamics at play in situations like the that generate so much peer pressure? Thank you. SP

  14. i blatantly lie. if they are going to use emotional blackmail on you. why not

  15. Thank you. So much.

  16. If you say something like "My dad died from drinking" you're good to go.

  17. great topic. You ned 100% of yourself to improve. Don't make what 95% of people make.

  18. Thanks for this video and really good idea about the prepared reason!
    My question is what if you still like drinking but you don't want to get drunk? I often find myself in the situation where I've had two drinks and I am good to stop there, but then friends will say, "just have one more" or "you're already drinking anyway". Over the last year I've enjoyed going out and getting drunk less and less, but what do you do when you have a number of friends who you used to go out and do that stuff with? How do you go about changing your relationship with that person when previously you were their 'going out buddy'?
    I just feel like I'm not in control in those situations and I end up doing things I don't want to do cos I can't figure out how to communicate that I've changed.

  19. Just say your religion doesn't allow you and you're golden.

  20. This is a great video! Some of it is kind of obvious but I actually didn't think of it, lol! I would love to hear an addendum to this: how do you fit into a crowd of drinking people and not make them feel uncomfortable? When my husband and I quit drinking our friends stopped wanting to go out with us.

  21. Love the video & want to see your chest tattoo

  22. Why do you think people usually pressure others to drink? I think that either everyone should drink at a party or noone at all. 'Half-drunk/half-sober' is always bad. You can easily spoil a party being sober while others want to relax this way.

  23. Interesting … I've actually heard the complete opposite when it comes to your first tip. In other words, you should NOT give a reason or a justification, because you're implicitly telling them that if they can disprove/attack your reasoning, then they might be able to convince you to drink. Whereas, if you just say "I don't drink", they have nothing to latch on to and argue about.

  24. Link to that study please!!! That sounds hilarious and I want to read it

  25. I don't want to be a douche, but.. Actually, "I need to" is a compelling reason. Depending on what pitch or facial expression you use other people might assume you really need to make copies. If someone would tell me that. I would definitely assume that it is very important for them to make copies, but they don't want to get into their life story and maybe are shy. Also, "they did a studies"? Who are "they"? Where is the link to the study in the description? Academia is making some trash studies lately because of them grants. If you don't want to sound like a tobacco company claiming that cigarettes are healthy then put a source.

  26. I waited for me to turn legal to drink. It's my own choice. My friends were pressuring me to drink as early as 13 years old but I always said no.

  27. Are you a friend of Bill's?

  28. So the "bonus" part is to basically tell the truth XD

  29. Hello I agree your channel is very very awesome! I was wondering if you could maybe make a video about all the biological negative effects drinking can have on the body? 🙂 Thank you for all your videos! I would be more than surprised if you read this someday because you must be getting so many messages every day !!!! Greetings from Germany 🙂

  30. I always loved your channel I mean I get updated whenever yoj post a new one. Anyways, I have a question its about an individual who appears tk be a funny guys most of the times peoplw dont take him seriously and I also noticed that of him that he never takes sides when there is an argument between our group of friends. But when he speaks to us when things get worse he haz this tone or vibe.. idk.. that when he says his opinion about what is happening it hurts and even if we know he plays around more often, we know that at that point he is serious how do I make that effect to people or maybe how can I not be as playful as he is but still make people listen and freeze when I speak?

  31. Hi! Love your videos 🙂 Could I ask something? I've noticed that you have almost – probably – never said "um" or "yeah" during your entire videos…How did you master this? Are there tricks? Did you actively work on it, and if so, how? It's very powerful and I really want to learn 🙂

  32. Is that your real house?

  33. "Can't i'm pregnant" usually gets a laugh (i'm a dude).

  34. This works great for the examples given. It gets more complicated when your career is stuck and you cant get promoted because your not one of the drinking buddies of the Boss. I finally went back to running my own business. It was one of the best moves I ever made.

  35. Well, the reason might matter sometimes. I've told everyone that I don't drink simply because I don't like the taste of alcoholic beverages (which happens to be the truth), yet that hasn't stopped them from pestering me about it. Also, I don't think you'd stop those people from annoying you if you simply told them, "I don't drink because I want to remain conscious".

  36. Well here's the thing for me, I went to my first college party and told my friends I wouldn't drink very much. As it turns out, when you drink a little bit, continuing to drink seems like a better and better idea! So, I got pretty drunk and though I don't necessarily regret my decisions because it wasn't a bad experience, now if I tell my friends I don't drink they just refer to that one time I got drunk. I say it's not something I want to do, but now they think I'm all about drinking because of that one night.

  37. I'm disagree. This is not about "any reason", this is about "some copies". So, he gave a promise, that it won't take a long time. And if you will say "any stupid reason", maybe they won't ask again (they don't care or they feel that you obviously don't want to tell if said a stupid reason like this)

  38. wow so assuming of your videos I see that all you do is that youre just being dishonest and all you care about is to look as a really great person.. maybe someones buying it but i think that youre neither charismatic nor attractive and by applying these little theories of yours and by trying to interact with ppl like with machines youre just being weird and creepy

  39. You say "Dude, it's more for you". Done.

  40. a) really like your videos
    b) amm… how can 1 have a bright smile like yours 🙂

  41. hey! Charley, i need some help, in my country is very usual to share drinks in a group, as i'm in a group and my friends starts passing around the beer or drink and is kinda rude sometime to just say no and kill the circle right there, any advice on how to make this situation less akward?

  42. i liked you man keep going with it

  43. Your shirt is so bright

  44. tbh the copy machine study made me laugh

  45. I had a few too many glasses of wine over lunch once, which was my first real experience drinking, and I wasn't drunk but I remember feeling like I wasn't totally in control, I felt a bit light headed and by 5pm I was in bed with a killer headache haha! I decided then that alcohol wasn't for me, and today when people ask I say "I don't like how it feels." Some people still don't accept that which completely blows my mind that they'd want to pressure someone into doing something that they don't enjoy. Like really?

  46. You're amazing Charlie! Thank you so much for your videos man!

  47. You´re right man, mi personal challenge is to not drink the 3 firt months of the year, this year was my second, and it was easy, but in the firt time all mi friends pressure me to drink, so what i did, was say them that i have problems with the alcohol and i try to quitting drink and they don´t insist anymore

  48. Well done Charlie! Peer pressure can be very powerful. I'll show this video to my daughter just in case she encounters this situation. Thank you!! By the way I love your videos 😉 Keep on making more!! 🙂

  49. These curls are stunning

  50. What should I say if I don't really have a reason & I don't want to lie? I'm 28 & I just never tried any alcohol in my life. People just seeking for a reason & I don't have any

  51. I'm eleven and have drunken alcohol twice, both times by accident because my dad keeps wine in juice bottles of the wrong fruit (red wine in a berry juice bottle and white wine in an apple juice bottle)

  52. Instructions unclear: 12 pack consumed

  53. Easy, "I'm on a regimen of drug i'm not comfortable disclosing to you". Works every time

  54. My brothers uni has a College for a weekend program and he wanted me to go drink with his friends. I ditched that group completely. I am super introverted and just left them there. I don’t regret it, I’d rather sit in a cafeteria alone than feel uncomfortable and lower my standards for a night

  55. I stopped drinking ten years ago. I still found this video really helpful. Thanks!

  56. here drinking alcohol is a bad thing is really bad for health i dont know why they love it ..what is the nice thing in being drunken and acting foolishly

  57. The movie Demolition Man " anything that's not good for you salt spicy food red meat alcohol smoking has been deemed illegal" 😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲

  58. I just dont tell people that I'm not drinking. when they ask me to have a drink I say I'm good or I've had enough or maybe later and it works most of the time. also just hold a cup if anyone offers you a drink you can show your cup and say that you already have one

  59. I always tend to say "I've tried some stuff in the past and it always tastes like trash to me so no, I won't drink because I just don't enjoy the taste of alcohol." Its a dead end… noone I ever met questioned or tried to push it after that sentence. And its the trouth, thats why I can say it with confidence. Always works 🙂

  60. Bravo!!! Great Video

  61. So many people are pushovers lol.

  62. I use alcohol as a crutch as well. Have done so for years. And somehow it feels like the right time to stop doing that. Maybe stop drinking at all, at least for a while. Thank you!

  63. Wish I had the same iron will of not drinking when it comes to chocolate… Any tips on that?

  64. This video is so cool and helpful, thanks!!

  65. I wish my reason were more inspiring. I simply don't like the taste of beer lol

  66. Nice. I'm tryina stop drinking and whats stopping me are my friends.

  67. This advice can be used not only for drinking but for anything else.

  68. I don't need no peer pressure to make me drink.

  69. How to deal with peer pressure: Get new peers.

  70. this is really great. I'm not supposed to drink on my medication but i dont wanna discuss that with people, so having a reason to help me out is gonna be great. thanks man

  71. You look like Hurcules.

    "I will find my way..I can go the distance!"

  72. I say "I don't drink.". It has worked so far.

  73. Good work on this video, and thank you. It's good and appreciated to be armed with tools to do a social gig without drinking. I need the help and thank you for this. -M

  74. Why do you keep going on about this-and-that girl, when clearly you dig dudes..?

  75. I simply say I am allergic to alcohol.

  76. Thank you this was very helpful !

  77. Thanks! Another part of questions in my life had been solved. One step closer to live aboard

  78. I used some of your techniques, not only they work, I get congratulations from all over the place "You beat the bottle and not even thirsty … yeah … you're thirsty … for mineral or sparkling water. Good on you mate."

    Cigarette and social shyness you're my next targets … and the latter has already received some serious blows.

  79. How do you have such a wide mouth.
    You should do a cast for Joker.

  80. This video has convinced me to start drinking!

  81. Part of how my parents could get my brother and me to be obedient without being harsh: if we asked why we had to do something, instead of just saying "because I said so," they explained why. I remember that, as a kid, even if I didn't understand the reason, knowing that at least there was a reason and that my parents weren't arbitrarily making me do stuff made me more compliant and I respected them more.

  82. It's should be as Simple I don't want to drink… Stick to your NO… Alchol is something not to be forced

  83. I really only see my good friends on the weekends and all they wanna do is get drunk, sure I can sometimes go out to a club or something but just getting drunk at someone’s house and quite often, nah man. After a few times of getting just a little too drunk, I don’t wanna drink anymore, I guess it’s a good thing if you think about it but it’s not really a good thing if you look at my social life and relationships with other people.

  84. I wish you were my friend IRL

  85. why go to a bar or club if you're not going to drink? lol

  86. You are the man

  87. Say you’re allergic. Would they tell you “come on just have a lil bit of peanut butter” if you were allergic to peanuts? No if they weren’t trying to kill you. I’ve been saying that because that’s the only thing people listen to. I don’t drink cus alcohol tase nasty af

  88. great advice, but I think people should be able to say ''no'' without justification; there is no obligation for anyone to explain why they don't wish to drink, or for any other matter at all. we should all work on not succumbing to peer pressure. there is nothing wrong in politely declining an offer, especially when it only concerns you (such as drinking) and has absolutely no negative effect on anyone else. this really should apply to every decision making

  89. I’m a lifelong tee totaler.. once I point out I’m always good to drive people respect me.. then use me for beer runs. 🤗

  90. If you just want a stranger off your back mention Jesus or Amway..

  91. This works for not eating sugar, too.

    "Don't you want a slice of cake?"
    "Because I don't eat sugar"

    I get bitchy if they insist

  92. I look forwared to seeing and hearing you more often, too, Charlie. THANKS for the excellently helpful videos that you make and share. Could I 'work' for and with you, please?

  93. MAY I work with you and your video production team? Please.

  94. Let me say that I realized how gold are these tips. Last time when I was barely mistreated for say no to drink, suddenly I said: Alright. That's the point. I'm really, really fine right now. I mean, I'm fine with myself and I'm glat to be here. I'm glad to be with all of you guys and I coudln't be more happy to be able to breathe this fresh air. Since I 've been stop to drink, I'm getting more focus in all the goals that I really want in my life. I'm starting to be aware of how lucky we are to be alive and facultative to walk on my feet. & by the way, I didn't lose a phone or wallet anymore since them (I used to lose all my belongings. Five phones in just 3 months it was a good mark). And finally, you know what? After all, when you're aware for the things that really matter for you, life gets you high as natural fact. I don't need to drink, because I'm HIGH ON LIFE.

    Then, of course some people said: "Oh come on, you went too much". But, in fact I felt that I changed their minds. At some point, they would love to reach that point of view. They would love to be there on your mood. BINGO. You made it. The peer pressing it's actually because they're "affraid of you". You're singular. You're different. You become a interesting guy. Actually, they would love to be like you.

  95. I literally always pretend I'm sick when someone asks me if I wanna go out

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