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Fed up in dealing with your children ? Dr Jiji Vijayan’s Interview on Effective Parenting

Fed up in dealing with your children ? Dr Jiji Vijayan’s Interview on Effective Parenting


At this moment, I remember a quote of Osho, “The moment a child takes birth is
the moment a mother also takes birth” Being a mother is the most beautiful sensation in life. This sensation could be experienced by one only
when they become a parent. Today we are here with a lot of good questions
and answers to make you a good parent. It is common in the modern world that both the parents are
working and they don’t have time to do anything else. Parenting is a very simple art but
the modern world is making it complex. What is your opinion about that? Parenting is a perplexing issue among all the people. Looking after the children, giving freedom,
over care them etc are problems to be discussed. The childhood of our ancestors show
that they were all free at that age. We are giving a lot stress on parenting. Like, parent should be like this, child must grow like this etc The society had tied a fence, inside of which should be
the child must grow with some moral values. Parents despair when they tie this fence,
thinking whether it is correct or not. In the present scenario, both the parents have to work. It’s
essential as we have no land or agriculture as an asset. In this working condition, there will be a concern, as the
timing of the parents and the children are different. There are many questions, like how to care them,
and how much. For the answers to all these questions, everybody is
asking, what is parenting? They are concerned about raising
them, even before their birth. What is your opinion about giving proper attention and
care to the children in the current trend of nuclear family. Joint families are not there in the present scenario. All are shifting to cities and live in flats
where only 1 or 2 children will be there. They have work stress, and they don’t know how
much attention should be given to the children. Whatever may be your working duration, you must
dedicate a 20 minutes every day with your child. Be a father and mother the child desire for, in that 20
minutes, by switching off your phone and other engagements. Be a good friend to your child. This condition must be followed at any cost, your working
hours is not a matter. Give your child the 20 minutes completely. Even it may be a joint family, or guests will be there,
still give him your total attention, give what he needs. This can be applied in joint families too. Whichever family it may be give her
undivided attention for 20 minutes Are there any benefits for single child, and what are
the disadvantages of being a single child? Many families have single child in the present scenario
due to stress and financial instability. They have a concern that a single child will be arrogant and
they will advise others not to have a single child. What is the problem of being a single child?
No problem. Just give him enough care and attention. Inspire him to be a part of the society and make him mingle
with others and their problems without
revolving around him as he is the world. Don’t try to carry him in a silver spoon
without any injuries and pain. Every child is unique He must mingle with all others for
the flowering of that uniqueness. There are no benefits for single child, you can have as many as you
want, only condition is that you must give them enough attention. What preparations one must do as a the mother
of a single child to welcome the second child. It’s a very good and relevant question. I have found from my councilings that the problems
of the first children lies in 4 0r 5 years old. We can see that it was in that 4 or 5 years old,
the next child born to his parents. Why did this happen?
I have also done a research in this topic. The second baby comes as the parents
want the first one not to be alone. But the child will not understand this. We can solve this issue, by building a desire
in him to have a sibling to play with him. He must ask us for a sibling to play with him,
seeing his friends playing with their siblings. Then parents must ask him back that whether
he will take care of that baby or not, if it comes. If he is taking that responsibility, he will be
longing for the baby to come. But if the grandparents are keeping this child away from the mother
during pregnancy, he will feel alone, his friends also talk such things. Our parents too must cooperate in this situation giving the
the priority, and build that desire for a baby to play or care. 90% of the first children have this issue, but the remaining
don’t have as they were dealt with such a care. The remaining 10% are adjusted and are happy. The first child is scolded by people if touches the new
born baby, which make him feel isolated. There the mother has to say that it is
his baby, and make him the priority. As parents are preparing to welcome the second baby,
they have prepare the first child too. In most of the houses, there are frequent quarrels between
the siblings, how can we make them good friends? It’s a good question and I feel happy to hear this, Most mothers complaint me about
the quarrels between their children. When I ask them how it is solved, they said that,
they will punish, advise and keep them apart. I asked “What happens after sometime?” She replied, “they will be together again” It is common that children fight each other, don’t give
much attention, they will sort it themselves.
our interruption will only curse the situation. If they are fighting, let it be, they will be friends again after some.
Interrupt only when one is hurting other deeply. If we are scolding them both, they will stand together,
and it is evident that they can solve the issue their own. The fights will not last long unless the first child thinks
that he is nothing after the arrival of the second one. If something had happened like that, call them separately
and tell how important are they to you, praising their qualities. When we look back after parenting, we can see that we have
only said them their weaknesses, haven’t encouraged him yet. 4 children in a home are 4 types, it is common to have fights
between them, don’t make it worse but your interference. Just watch it if it is in a medium level,
interfere only when it reaches extremity. How can I become my child’s best friend? There is a confusion that whether parents
should be friendly or biligent. In my personal view, we must be good friends with our kids. But it’s little difficult to build friendship with the kids. I always say that, in the beginning of teenage they need their peers, So our kids consider us as their friends in the basis of
how we interact with them in 0 to 8 or 12. There is a person, who consulted me for counselling, And, the thing that they had said to me was, My daughter considers me as her friend. I asked about her age and they said she is 20 years old. Then also she says that her Mom is her best friend. There is also such kind of parents. But, they are trying to make their kids independent,
because these kids have no friend other than their parents. They share all their personal stuffs with them. Lot of patience is needed to build this kind of relation. Because, we have to listen them carefully. Even though we are busy, we should listen to them,
because, listening capacity is a very important factor in parenting. As I said, hearing and listening are different. Hearing will not give attention to
the children, they won’t like it. Leave all your work aside and listen to them
carefully when they come to talk you. Don’t advise them in-between, listen to them till the end,
then tell them what you have to say. Build friendship like this. Listen completely what they say,
then express your opinion in the end. Like they talk to you, talk to them about your day, even the
trivial things happened that day, and create a friendship bond. If you can create trust in them,
you will be their best friend. What is your opinion about the favours of teachers
towards the well studying students? Today, our teachers are focusing only on
the students who score good marks. There is a notion in the school teaching community that the
backbenchers are poor in studying, and they will achieve
nothing in life other than playing football or cricket. Is this what we want? It is good to do well in academics, but the backbenchers
too have passions and talents. They too are unique. We are not seeing that uniqueness. They will be unique in some special category not in academics. If they are good in academics, it will
be sometimes in a single subject. We are not trying to find that subject, because our
schooling system is focused on grading system and marks. When we check the past of many successful persons, they
were all below average in academics, some were failed. Why it happens so? If the schooling system is finding their passion and
Talent they will be successful in that particular field. How can we find this uniqueness? Everyone is unique in their character, intelligence, personality etc,
and we cannot compare one with another. Howard Gunner says that, everyone has 8 types
of intelligence, among which, one will be high. A simple conversation will not give the idea about
the type of intelligence which is high in someone. The uniqueness of a child can be found after
studying his inborn and acquired characteristics. In Lifeline, we have a test to find this,
DMIT-Dermatoglyphics Multiple Intelligence Test. We will find the inborn talent by fingerprint analysis. Some children are excellent in interpersonal skills
like extraordinary in delivering speeches. But his parent wants him to be a doctor, which he doesn’t want. His inborn talent could be determined by DMIT. If this inborn talent is merged with the acquired
talent and driven to the focused point, he will flourish. Parents want their child to be a doctor or engineer, but his inborn
talent must be encouraged, so that he will be guided. That guidance will help him to do his mission
in his world for the sake of mankind. He can reach heights like Albert Einstein, Abdul Kalam etc For that we must find his inborn talent through DMIT
and merge it with acquired talent to make him unique. How uniqueness is related to career? A child has a passion and a talent. Until twelfth they don’t know what to become. He wants become pilot at the age of 3. He wants to become an IAS officer when he is in 5th as he
want to do many things for the welfare of the society. They want to become an engineer when he is in 10th It is varying according to what they see, pursue and finding aspect. If we know their inborn and acquired talents we will not force them
to opt what we want in their dilemma about what to become. If the parents are watchful, they
can find his talent are focus on that. Inborn talent need tests to find out, but find his acquired talent by
observing his passion, interests and admiring things or persons,
so that his career can be determined. He must dedicate 10,000 hours to passion plus talent. He will not work even for 10 hours if he has no passion and interest
and he will be dedicated to work if he has passion and talent. That is why engineering students are having 32 to 36 back papers
as they opted the course not to hurt their parents. It is not their passion. If passion and talent are recognising
early itself, career will be set. Some students couldn’t find it even after their twelfth. Wait patiently. If you have given correct parenting from
0 to 8 years old, they will find their career definitely. The job of the parents is to protect them. You said many things about parenting.
What is effective parenting in one word? An interesting question. Parenting=protecting Why because… Children are coming through us,
but they are not ours. They are choosing us as their parents
to come here and have an experience. We have the duty to protect them
not to restrict them. Give them a support when they are about to fall. Indian mothers are different from Japanese mothers. When child falls, the Indian mothers will take
the child and punish the ground. Effective parenting is when the mother just watches her child falling
and encourage him to get up by his own feeling him independent. We must then be teacher, motivator, and inpiration to protect them
not to restrict them. We got many tips to become a good parent.
Wising you all the best.

Comments (9)

  1. How to handle a 3 years old baby after the arrival of second baby??

  2. Thank you so much

  3. Lifeline anu enik jeevithathil vazithirivayath mind mastery,dmit, vijayan sir ndey books …oru life muzuvanum nanni paranjal theeroola thank you jiji mam

  4. Great .Thank you madam

  5. Excellent. Thank you for an informable video.

  6. ഒത്തിരി നന്ദി മാഡം

  7. Thank Thanku mom

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