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Dealing with the anger after narcissistic abuse

Dealing with the anger after narcissistic abuse


hey everybody its Meredith Miller here for your SANA Q&A Monday’s i’m going to go ahead and answer this question this person says I just discovered you two weeks ago and i’m very glad to it came to surface that I’ve been in denial for decades a very severe psychological and emotional abuse for my mother and early childhood and throughout my life actually she’s gone since 2003 which is a blessing in retrospect this wake-up call showed me that I was also abused used and manipulated by family members brothers sisters to for most of my life and buy a lot of quote-unquote friends and other people have cleaned most of them out of my life in the last three years which is very difficult and breathing to do one thing i could not manage well was the anger that surfaced it’s the anger that gives me problems still it’s still so easily triggered and i still can’t control it well it just surfaces and then I get the strong urge to act it out knowing very well it’s not productive at all and it only hurts myself afterwards can you please share some thoughts on how you cope or coped with this the breathing technique i know and use since years and it’s helpful but not submission often enough the anger still breaks through sooner or later so first of all good job moving all the toxic people out of your life it’s very difficult to do that it’s difficult first to recognize them right into like suddenly you see the patterns and then it’s even more difficult to make those cuts especially if you realize that getting all these people out of your life might mean that you’re quite alone for a period of time until you can form new friendships with more kindred spirits healthier people so that’s really difficult thing to do and you did that work so that’s wonderful make sure that you celebrate the fact that you took care of yourself that you love yourself enough to make those cuts for your own well-being now I understand how easily it is to be triggered into the anger right when you still have anger from the past what happens is maybe somebody does something and it’s like it’s not even personal maybe it’s not even that big of a deal or maybe they just disagree with you maybe it’s not even like a full-on psychopath or narcissistic sociopath abusing look maybe it’s like a simple thing or somebody cuts you off you know driving or something like that what can happen is misdirected anger right because that thing whatever that was that activity that event triggered the anger that you still haven’t processed and then maybe you project that anger on someone and it’s like that wasn’t really a big deal and that wasn’t even really what your anger was about because your anger was about the past about something that you haven’t processed yet so yeah like you said you know breathing helps in the moment so say you’re in the moment you’re at work and your co-workers just being a jerk right or that jerk cuts you off you know on the road or somebody cuts in front of you in line at the grocery store whatever in those moments you want to remember to breathe and just breathe and keep breathing in the moment so that you don’t allow yourself to act out that anger because you don’t want to do that right that just creates more negative karma that just makes you feel worse than you feel ashamed and guilty and then later you’re mad at yourself even because you behaved in that way and that’s not really who you want to be right so the breathing stops you from the instant reaction to that anger from getting involved in that misdirected anger right when you’re feeling triggered and you don’t actually want to react to that but then you have to deal with the anger afterward you have to set aside time to process that anger otherwise like you said it’s going to keep breaking through it’s just going to keep bottling and surfacing up every time some new thing happens that upsets you so first of all understand that anger is a normal and natural response to abuse it is a normal and natural response to abuse that kind of anger is called righteous anger that kind of anger tells you someone is hurting you and you need to take an action that anger is meant to motivate you to do something so that you stop allowing that person to hurt you right but then you need to go process that angers that doesn’t stay stuck in your body so some of us tend towards feelings of anger right and that’s what we have in our body and what we get is a lot of like muscle tension and inflammation you know that kind of stuff inflammatory related disease is then there are other people who tend to turn that anger inward and it becomes depression and that’s often when you’ll see more of like the autoimmune illnesses because autoimmune is like the body destroying itself right and that’s what anger is when anger is turned inwards it eats you alive quite literally it will destroy you it will make you very sick physically over a period of time so you want to be mindful of that and allow the anger to come out so if you’re depressed you need to get angry every now and then I’ll get a client who says they’re really stuck in the depression and tell them okay you have to get angry you have to get anger you have to remind yourself of those things that made you angry maybe even and often usually the people who tend towards that kind of depression have more anger towards themselves and even other people you know and so they need to process the anger they have towards themselves we were all angry ourselves at some point right why did I believe them why did I allow this why did I enable it I should have done this and not the other and we’re shooting all over ourselves right so that can become very toxic it’s very important to set aside time to process the anger you want to set clear boundaries on this time so maybe it’s you know seven to eight pm like you come back from work you create your safe and sacred space you’ve taken care of your needs you’ve got yourself some food you’ve you know done whatever you need to take care of yourself hydrated right maybe you need to organize your space on pack some things organized something and then you know okay from from seven to eight pm whatever your timeframe is this is the time you have to dedicate to this anger exercise and at 8pm the exercises over it doesn’t mean the angers over it doesn’t mean you resolved everything this hour what it means is this is your sacred time to process the anger now you want to set aside time on your calendar for this so if you’re in the early stages of recovery and like you you’re recognizing all this anger right i mean it could be a year or more on after you get out of the relationship but if you haven’t been doing a lot of work like to actually empower and heal yourself it’s almost like you’re in the early stages of healing so maybe you need to set aside more time maybe for you it’s like four days a week that you need to set aside an hour each of those days so that you can process that anger in a safe and sacred space so how do i recommend doing that well I recommend you know if you live alone that’s awesome you’ve got all your space it’s all yours you can do whatever if you have roommates maybe you want to do it when your roommates going to be at work or when you know they’re going out when you know they have some other activity when they’re not going to be around so that you don’t feel like self-conscience self-conscious for you know expressing these emotions and and disturbing somebody else who might be there if you absolutely can’t get this time maybe you’re living with your family and your family is actually the reason you’re angry and maybe like your mom is like always on you like you just you don’t have the opportunity to like do this without her being all up in your business and everything then you need to go somewhere else if you have a car that can work wonderfully you can drive no don’t do this while you’re driving right but drive to a place where you can park for a while where there’s no one really around you like even though your windows are up people might be able to hear outside the car so make sure it’s not like a really populated place you don’t everybody’s staring at you it’s gonna make you feel uncomfortable you’re not really going to be able to be present in the exercise so drive somewhere we can shut everything off shut the car off one of your windows if you know you’re afraid somebody might hear you if you’re literally in the middle of nowhere you can go outside right my teacher and peru would take us up into like the high plateaus like over like sixteen fifteen or sixteen thousand feet altitude he would take us like up to the top of this cliff and he would just have a skin angry and he’s like all right on the count of three I want to hear you scream with all the anger that you’re holding inside of yourself right now 123 screen and everybody screams he’s like yeah that was mediocre I think you can do better and what you see is like we’re all kind of uncomfortable contacting that anger maybe even more so us women than men you know maybe we’re more ashamed of feeling angry than men and so it might be harder for you to contact that sense of anger but the more you practice the easier it gets and allow yourself that space to to fully express it so if you’re at home if you’re at some other space whatever that is you can either be sitting you can be standing maybe you want to stand up because then it’s like you can really some of the power of your physical body right maybe you experiment with different stances and movements that you do maybe even act out the anger right maybe if you’re at home and you have a pillow maybe you want to express it by beating the pillow maybe you have like one of those boxing bags right maybe you like want to box out the anger and like you know asshole you did that and you’re just like going out like this whatever whatever works for you it’s really helpful I think to physicalize it because anger in Chinese medicine is related to the liver Meridian it’s the wood elements in the wood element is about the movement of our tissues of our sin use that the tendons and ligaments and everything so we need to like actually emote this anger in some way that’s why doing something physical is really helpful now every now and then I’ll hear from a client who like they just they just can’t get angry like they’re so depressed they just can’t get in contact with their anger and what I told them to do is do something physically active like maybe get on the treadmill now of course you know seek your physicians advice and use your own best inner you know intuition and what your body is capable of and what’s safe for you right you got to take responsibility for that but push yourself to the degree that you feel comfortable to get yourself doing something physical maybe run in place so you do a bunch of jumping jacks and a bunch of push-ups and like maybe you do some kind of like hit exercises like HIIT like high-intensity something training we’re like you’re just really getting physical so that like something is starting to happen in your body you need to activate your body will notice is depressed people don’t move a lot right they tend not to move their movements tend to be very slow very gentle right because there they don’t have access to this like raw power of the wood energy it’s all stuck inside their rights you want to start expressing that out and imagine a person that you’re angry about so maybe you take the recent experience the most recent experience to start with and you see this person you imagine this person in front of you and you tell them why you’re angry at them oh you’re such a jerk as you did this and that and this and that and I felt this in that and how could you treat me like this not whatever don’t edit yourself don’t judge the thoughts the words that are coming out of your mouth don’t judge the anger that you’re feeling you’re not hurting anyone you’re getting it out you’re not actually talking to a person or projecting this anger on them you’re processing the past your processing the emotions you feel about the past so you want to get this out and then you know maybe you spend the whole hour working on a recent event a recent person maybe the next time someone from the past comes up and then the next time you’re doing this exercise your back to that person again another layer is unwinding right and so you just keep going through all the things you’re still angry about stuff that you stuffed away years maybe even decades ago that’s still needing to come out so when you allow yourself the regular time to do this work you’re allowing the space for this to come out to process this stuff like I said it’s usually easier to start with the most recent examples that make you angry some people might be most angry about the childhood so maybe that’s where you start that’s okay trust yourself trust the process trust what you’re releasing and don’t edit yourself you know don’t be like all that looks terrible and that sounds terrible and likes not very ladylike or whatever you know you might be doing yourself let it out that’s why you’ve created this safe and sacred space that you have to worry about anyone elses judgment this is your time to help yourself to heal yourself you know and so go ahead go through all of these people that have made you angry so you might be doing these anger exercises for months maybe you’re doing it three four times a week for an hour a half an hour each time and this goes on for months but what you’ll notice is that you’re feeling better and better and better after each time and after you finish that exercise member you’re gonna like set a timer or something or you know keep track of the time in a way that you know you’re not just going to indulge in this for too long you’re going to set aside this very sacred and clear time for yourself and then afterward allow yourself some recovery time so do something that makes you feel delicious like maybe you’d like to take a salt bath or a bubble bath or maybe just a hot steamy shower or you want to just go take a walk and maybe you want to walk briskly or maybe you want to walk gently or maybe you know you want to go to the gym or maybe you want to prepare some healthy foods for yourself or maybe you want to sit and meditate for a period of time but set aside some time afterward for self-care so that you can come back to yourself you can come back to be really grounded and present in the moment and i would recommend journaling as well you know while it’s still fresh in your mind after each of those you know times that you’re working on the anger that you write in your journal what came up for you like what are some thoughts you had with some feelings you had there were some memories that came up what are some insights and revelations that you gathered through that experience and again write it down right away while it’s still fresh in your mind that’s going to be really helpful for you and even validating to go back and look at later so this is really important for people who have been abused whether it’s been recently or in the past most of us just got that anger stuck in the body in some way you know either so mad Assize into the muscles and other tissues of the body or you know it turned into depression because we turn that anger so deeply in word towards ourselves so it’s really important to do this work and if you haven’t done the anger work it’s really important to set aside the time to do that so that you can move forward so that you don’t feel constantly triggered you know by things by reading some comments somebody wrote on your facebook page or Instagram page and like its legs wave of anger comes up and that you want to fight and everything that’s the past that means you still have work to do to work on that anger you know and again don’t beat yourself up for feeling that anger that’s not the toxic kind of anger that the abuser uses to manipulate and control other people’s behavior so it might be that you have a belief system that says well I can’t get angry because then I’m going to be like maybe your father was abusive or your ex you know would use this kind of like me this overt projection of anger on you like anytime you put a boundary up or enforced boundary and they got really angry in order to punish you and manipulate you into doing what they want and that’s how they impose themselves on you was with that anger that’s a toxic form of anger when it’s used to manipulate another person’s behavior but a righteous form of anger is that anger that you feel when you have been hurt and used and abused you have every right to feel that but you don’t want to hold on to that because then it’s like literally you know they say I think it’s in Buddhism right where they say if you hold on to anger and hatred it’s like drinking poison and hoping that your enemy will die it will poison you it will poison your mind it will poison your body and it will not lead you in the direction of happiness so that’s why it’s really important to get that out to get out the anger to do this process i also recommend checking out John Bradshaw if you haven’t done his work on the inner child healing homecoming for example the book and his youtube videos of that I think their conferences and workshops that he did on helping people heal from childhood wounds the inner child and and he does these exercises with anger in fact you’ll see some videos were there in group settings and people are taking turns and like the support group kind of situation getting angry about things that happened to them and so when you see that and you see like the raw and real and authentic expression of that it kind of gives you permission to let yourself to it you know you won’t judge yourself as much for getting angry and expressing that anger you gotta get it out you gotta move that the motion has to move out or it will make you sick you deserve to be happy to set aside the time and be willing to do the work it’s not easy work right it’s not easy but be willing to do the work because it’s worth it it is so worth it what’s on the other side for you i’m sending a big hug to you

Comments (100)

  1. No anger is wrong. Anger is your guard of your boundaries. You need to feel and welcome your anger like a dear friend and find healthy ways of using the power anger gives you. What you need to realise, this power source is meant to protect you and heal you. the simple truth using this energy for your own well being. The wrong focus would be focusing on the abuser of your past. That one is your past and needs to stay there. Don't move it into the present or even future. Remember, you and you alone are the master of your thoughts and feelings. Once you realise this fact, you move out of the victim mode: go and take your power back!!!

  2. Im divorsing my narc and still have stuff over there when we talk about ending stuff like final removal of items things that make it feel permanent she tears up and acts like she cares still it totally throws me off wth is that ? Why does she act like she cares sometimes?

  3. Yes! I have so much anger built up from decades of abuse. I have Rhuematiod Arthritis which is an autoimmune disease. I also have depression. Now I understand why. Thanks.

  4. Thank you for this. 3 yrs on am still angry..I have tremendous anger as I sacrificed alot and was abandoned. He ruined my career and my life . What's worse he moved on and didn't care.

  5. Occasionally I convince myself I'm gonna stab my narc to death while he's at work at the store, but then somehow would end up having sex with him.

  6. I have been carrying this hole/weight on my chest for years… never have really formed my own identity or allowed to have my own thoughts, I just realized I was raised in the jw cult, 3generation, so I inherited 2 other generations of bullshit mind control. My interactions with my parents only was about the Bible, they never really taught us life skills… it’s like they are brain dead zombies!!! And you point it out to them, they tell you your not praying enough…. as if I could just wish myself fixed, to have basic human approval… they think they are teaching love but they are not, they are teaching cognitive dissonance …. I fucking hate them…. I’m gonna try your advice… I’ve gone no contact (I’m shunned now) I gotta get this out… the Jehovah’s witnesses really messed me up…. it is an extreme mind control cult.

  7. Thank you for this. I'm going to do this here soon, as I've been abused by basically everyone my whole life, and a fight just happened where my mom was emotionally abusing me again. I'm so angry, but yet depressed, and I thought I could NEVER get depressed bewcause of how angry I was/am.

  8. Hi Meredith, my ex girlfriend can’t get a hint. Just because I’m releasing “stuff” out on instagram doesn’t give her the right to respond to it. It’s not about her. She’s a total narcissist and triggered me again, because I guess I still have unprocessed anger, resentment and rage. I thought I had processed this. OMG 😮 How do I get rid of this? I’m not depressed and I know I’m angry at her for the right reasons. It’s been over a year and I know that I need to get more anger management work done. It’s my experience of abuse from childhood and this incessant narcissism finding its way back to me… How do I get away from “stuck” energy, as I am prone to old depression issues although I am not currently. I do have slow moving motions as you’ve said. I’m still tired and exhausted easily. 😂 lmao instagram issue… 😆 boundaries! Righteous anger is being released from me now! John Bradshaw… ok! Thank you, I’ll check it out…

  9. Will the pain from the abuse ever stop

  10. Thank you Meredith ❤

  11. This is brilliant. Well done and thank you

  12. Thanks for posting this practical advice. I know that ultimately N's are just different than us, and most of them aren't even aware of what they do on more than perhaps a superficial level. "Getting angry at a Narc is like getting angry at a cactus for not growing mangoes," as another blogger said. Still, it's hard to not feel anger at myself for falling for it and it's hard to not feel wary of trusting people again. I think an important thing is externalizing the anger, as you said, rather than just becoming avoidant/hyper-vigilant.

  13. givem' the finger. imagine they are there.
    It's a great activity. Women aren't supposed to get angry. It's not ladylike. Who made up THAT line? That makes me angry

  14. I need to come up with a way to divert my thoughts away from the memories that trigger anger…I am doing alot of self care..and taking my life and power back. after a year of dealing with a Narcissistic boyfriend…I have reclaimed my peace and are keeping busy with the things that make me happy. It's the bad memories. ..I am not a person who complains and drags everyone down..I am a very private person. I go to therapy and Counciling ..also on medication for anxiety ect. I feel at peace and are in total control of my life . It's just the memories. ..like ptsd…I need to redirect my thoughts at the same time get my anger out in a constructive way. I don't want to seek out revenge because I don't want to attract more stress to my life. ..
    .

  15. I am in the alone phase. I moved 500 miles away. have been watching vids on this topic. such a twisted life that has taken place. i can hardly function right now. having a difficult time getting out of bed. don't even want to leave my home. feeling all of it
    including my faults in all of this. trying to find my way out of this place.

  16. You have no idea how justifiably angry I am….

  17. I'm numb… I have to be numb..😯

  18. How about the anger causing cancer?

  19. I started getting my period every two weeks with the amount of manipulation, belittling and gaslighting he done to me I threw him out and within the exact same month my period returned back to normal..that's how much these TOXIC people can have an effect on your physical health not to mention mental…go no contact and u won't feel sick with how they keep u roped in and keeping up with there twisted lies….look after yourself nobody deserves this abuse they are horrible insidious demons who feed of your emotions and leave u feeling physically exhausted because whatever you say they will say something else and always disagree with u… There is no help for these types of cretins !!!

  20. Thank you so much for your videos!! you are really helping me get through and change for the better!! I thought it was not possible to keep "my head on my shoulders". And not cause that toxicities from abuse to other people. I do feel lonely because Ive noticed that i have cut most toxic people out of my circle and it makes me angry and sad at the same time but I know its for the better. Change is a hard thing but I'm realizing that I do not need others to make me happy. I really want to thank you so much fir reaching out and helping people from all types of abuse. You dont realize how much this affects you by going thru the horrible stuff that comes w abuse. Hoping to buy your book very soon!!!

  21. Thank You!!! You helped me a lot!

  22. Thank you. (tears).

  23. For a certain time I constantly felt like I need to scream. I was screaming inside all the time, because in those toxic relationships you get to be treated unfairly constantly.

  24. I think there is a difference in anger and being bitter

  25. I have a wood pile – and swing an axe with EXTREME PREJUDICE!!!

  26. Great advice! I would drink my rage away, but I'm currently 120 days sober, and the anger and rage is coming back.

  27. The pain of the damage he's done to are child. Now he's got another soul mate and a baby with this this one.

  28. All of your information is so helpful. Thank you. By the way, why is it that you look so beautiful? Blessings.

  29. I do have loads of anger towards myself and even towards this person. I want revenge even, even though I am well aware its not at all ok and I should never do anything. My narc is living with me, 0% talking, but all kind of passive aggressive behaviour (like turning on the heating in June so I will have to pay this bill when he moves out or touching my things in the bathroom, which he knows I keep in order (like wtf?) And so on so on). It eats me alive and I don't know how to manage my feelings.. 3 weeks left and he moves out..

  30. If a female breaks up with you you wish her the best and she's mad at you keeps you away from your kids and trying to do anything to destroy your life and all you did was wish her the best the main reason you left so she could be happy with the person she said she wanted to be with and she kept me away from my kids what is wrong with this person

  31. I have dealt with depression for several years with the narcissist I am with. Through watching you and other people, I finally ‘get it’ and am now sooooo pissed! I am angry at the narcissist, but angry at myself, because I can’t believe I have stayed with this person soooo long. I’ve allowed him to use and abuse me to the point, that there is little left emotionally, physically, financially, etc. I want to tell him what an asshole he is, but I know that is futile, because all of my attempts at ‘making him see the light 💡 ‘ turn into a mind bending, circuitous interaction. I can’t call it a conversation, because having a conversation with a narcissist is IMPOSSIBLE. I have started working out again, which I have not done for a long time. Anyway, he threw a ‘bone’ of a dozen roses today. I feel nothing, because I know those roses have thorny pricks, which symbolize him…a PRICK! Yes, I am 😤

  32. Such a gorgeous lady.

  33. Looking gorgeous!!! Great video. I am very angry at my ex-Narc and at myself for putting up with it. GRRRR!! Lol. Thanks!!

  34. thanks for your help

  35. I was reading a book by Ray Kurzweil and have been influence by Freud, I came up with a way to heal neurotic trauma awhile back. You being so brilliant may be able to utilize it in your profession, whereas I really have limited interactions nor do I desire an increase. When one recalls a past trauma all the emotional pain of that actual experiential phenomenon which had occurred is recreated. Furthermore, emotions tend to pattern and memory is triggered by connection to other memories; which may lead to the pain being frequent. But memory is essentially a recreation of an experience by the imagination. Therefore, one can imagine an event differently, thereby feeling divergent emotion, so when the neurons trigger connected memories a positive feeling can be established in the pattern instead of pain. I feel it a quite permanent cure giving the vigilance to counteract the depressive memory establishing new beneficial thought patterns, habits, ect.
    After all, if all this world were merely an experience machine, what could matter other than how our life feels from the inside. Here is the video: https://youtu.be/F5mVXVcoVC0

    p.s. To the true devotee, whatever we experience, good or bad, is a gift from God. Many times our own mistakes provide the suggestion for correction. One doesn't have to forget the lesson, but it is said, "Pain is a lesson only a fool repeats."

  36. You can also get a towel and let it out so you dont need to put it out in "public" I have gone into my closet and screamed into a towel, I let my anger move as best and as quickly as I can. Staying out of the word level is excellent and will move the emotions quicker into the actual vibration of the emotion. It goes deep and old, this pain etc. It turns into grief and especially fear. Keeping things on the non-verbal allows the body to take over into "ignition" Letting oneself one is moving these deep places to gain healing and fill these dark places with Light helps one to allow the emotions have a chance to really move and finally express. Having acceptance for the emotions and not getting judgey in the head is also helpful. Understandings come after the emotional movement

  37. I am going through difficult time of traumatic and depression and anxiety after narc abuse of 5 years . I left him for 3 weeks now but I am isolated from everyone no friends no children ( they are cursing me to stay alone all my life ) o can’t trust anyone after all 😢 looking to get my pieces back and move on for healthy and peaceful life . Any one cane help me what s I have to do or follow up to heal fast and be happy and get my self esteem back ??? Please I need a help me 🙏

  38. I developed RA while I was in a toxic relationship. I had a feeling there was a connection.

  39. That note is so scary because it hits so close. I'm not afraid to be alone so much myself, I used to have abandonment issues. But as of recent I welcome not having as many friends. Partially because people after years of dealing with craziness scare me. Also I've just been so reactive. I feel like I'm always seeing if I've let my anger slip where it didnt belong. I wouldn't put anybody through that because I know how it feels so I keep to myself more nowadays.

    Plus while I was still in communication with the narcissistic person I was crying on public trans, at school because I was so mad or hurt. I couldn't do it in front of him because he'd try to touch me. I could not do that infront of my son. And the 1 time I reached out to good friend the narcissistic guy found out started cursing at me for it and throwing tables and chairs around his shop. He kept trying to get me to hang with his friends but I always felt they were talking behind my back and he tell me so too. I didnt like the feel of either of these things so I strarted wanting to be alone more.

    I hate feeling petty and that's how my thoughts feel and I know some of them are wrong and have no valid reason. I'm just mad and the things around me now are separate but my mind tries to justify it. It happens less when things are peaceful for me.

  40. wow I've been allowing myself to cry and feel my feels and not bottle up but I never thought of it to actually not just let but to even make myself angry so I can let it out… I have done other things to let it out and I do have a huge sence of shame for anger that's in me especially when I get triggered… I'm better at not letting others push me as far anymore but sorry to say this 34 year old man fails miserably when it comes to my own mother and if anything making things worse… my main insanity is thinking all the work I've done into myself with the help of God and councilors and awesome utube vids like this.

  41. I use games to expell my anger. It might sound crazy but it is a healthier way to expell that anger without hurting anyone.

  42. Thank you and I’m doing this exercise starting now. I may need to do this often

  43. I found the anger was only me punishing myself because of things others had done to me.

  44. Hello Meredith. I'm Vivian, narcissistic abuse Survivor dealing with my issues with much help from you. 😁 just wanted to say you are the closest thing to a role model I've ever had. I see strength in you and resilience. That is unusual for anybody over 30, who's had their fair share of life's kicks "from left field". Thank you for sharing what you've learned. It is changing my life day by day. Blessings!

  45. Thank you so much one love God bless

  46. Why should complete strangers anger me? They do. It is weird. I thought it would pass by now. I feel like a very unpleasant nasty person.

  47. This touched me. Being abused you tend to be use to being around abusers. Then you let the negative people go…and your stomach hurts and it’s deep. Anger is the by product. It the oddest logical thing to know this doesn’t make sense. ? But you want abusers around you … to divert the pain onto your anger towards them. But the real issue is your anger for your shame for wanting abuse to happen. Very complicated

  48. Thanks for addressing this.I am struggling here too.

  49. You just bubble over with knowledge!! Thanks for all the help!

  50. Meredith, you are absolutely amazing! Another Earth shattering video! I just looked at it for my kids who have a lot of anger and depression issues but it turned out I needed it myself. Just few screams and "air punching" and I feel so relieved:) I am still living submersed in several layers of narcissists/psychopaths but at least I know what to do. Thank You so much!

  51. My anger is my biggest set back. This is the BEST ANGER VIDEO I HAVE EVER WATCHED!! It is so hard to get that anger out! I have watched this video at least 5 times. I do judge myself and what my anger should look like and then I STOP doing the work. But it does come out over very little things. I am very depressed and have thought about suicide because I have a lifetime of abuse and I do feel it is to much work to deal with it all. I have to get off this merry go round and I know it…

  52. I have been in a very dark place its effecting my job. Ect..

  53. Seluruh rasa marahku sudah hilang saat aku hilangkan semua anggota keluarga psycopath itu dlm pikiranku…tidak pernah ada mereka dlm kehidupanku..semudah itu…pikiranku bersih..hidupku bersih…lihat kehidupan dari dalam dirimu..tak ada yg abadi untuk apa kesombonganmu

  54. M,keep it up!!!
    Dragon Heart!!!

  55. I find that ANGRY heavy metal music has always helped for me. I drive around in my car and crank the very first KORN album (the singer for KORN has suffered narcissistic abuse as well). That first album never fails me. Pantera is also good for anger release.

  56. I cannot get angry, I feel sadness and depression instead. This video has helped me understand what I need to do after being stuck for 2 years being toyed with like a yo-yo. Thank you.

  57. What if you're resentful he never hoovered u after you walked away? I know i should be happy but what if he hoovered every one except for you? I kept telling myself he will miss me…he will know he messes up. The new supply will not work. But no NO sign of him. What if hes happy with her? She made it work. He doesn't miss me. I know it's dumb….i just feel angry. I should be over this. I am angry i still think of him.

  58. Anger, PAIN, fear….layers and layers, bulks, enormous cumulus clouds, storms, wind and monsoon, earthquakes of rage, volcanoes of pain, floods, seas of tears and all kinds of everything in between and with it and through it all. It's a Pandora box. It's taking years. Thank you family for this inheritance. Thank you life for taking away from me the person whom I loved the most and wished the most in my life. Thank you, this time sincerely, Dimash Kudaibergen for singing S.O.S. d'un terrien en de'tresse.

  59. I was abused n been around toxic ppl I fight to keep my mind at peace I don’t trust anyone and I want to get away start all over but moving right now is hard because I don’t have the money I still cry bout everything that I went tru n I re live the pain over n over n I’m scared that I’m gonna break n I stop letting him back in my life n now he is saying n doing things to make me feel scared n I just don’t understand how someone who completely destroyed me emotionally n mentally can be so anger towards me like it’s my fault n even though I know this ain’t normal I still hold on to how he use to be with when there was love but we have a child n she is 4 months old n I don’t let him c her because he tells me he is gonna take her away n he has his friends watching me every day telling him what I’m doing n it gets to the point where I don’t want to leave my house I’m tired of having to defend myself n then be punished for standing up for myself n saying that’s enough abuse I even blacked out n hit him over n over n for now that keeps him away from my house but still abusing me by talking bad about me saying I’m a bad mom I have 4 kids my new born is his first child n I took been a single mother before I meet him I went tru abuse with my first baby father n I’m living all those memories now n I’m scared of going into depression like before but I’m scared of acting out on my anger n getting myself into trouble I want help but I don’t trust no one n I have no one who will listen to me n stay with me n the kids while I get better n feel safe in my own home it hurts me so bad n I don’t know how to keep my mind from thinking bout everything that I went tru I have lost myself in this hurt n it’s hard to keep myself happy or interact with my kids the way I use too I love my kids but I’m afraid of loosing them to the system if I fall into depression or if things get worst I had so much hurt that I never got justice for n seeing the one who hurt me happy n doing things to make me scared n I can’t stop them I can’t move out of this house where all my neighbors r his friends n tell him everything I do plus he works across the st from me so I have to c him everyday n it hurts so much that I want help but I really don’t know how to get help without getting into more trouble by trusting someone who just uses my problems against me they call me crazy they bully me everyone that walked into my life took advantage of me n I have gotten in trouble in the past by trying to defend myself n my kids but I still get into trouble cause they only way I know to defend myself is by using violence n it’s so hard to sit here trying to ignore n not let it bother me but it’s too much pain I went tru I don’t wanna loose my kids if I go talk to a mental clinic cause it happened to me before I lost my kids my peace I lost faith in ppl I feel everyone is out to hurt me n I don’t like this feeling I’m sorry I’m writing so much n I sound like I’m crazy but I’m not I just need some one to help me feel safe n listen too me n not claim I’m crazy because I’m not I just went tru so much cause of love that emotionally I’m torn apart n I look on YouTube n found ur video n I had to write my situation maybe u can give me some words to bring me hope n let me know I’m not alone that someone understand me n I just want to be at peace with my kids n stop letting him n the past hurt me how can I do it alone with my kids how can I seek help

  60. Yes. Absolutely. If we hold our emotions in it causes us physical dis-ease. After living with a covert narc for 13 years and had all sorts of physical illness until I started detoxing. Now I help others who've been abused learn how to detox mind, body and soul and find their truth.

  61. great tips thankyou think i need to do that let it out i couldnt before because it was used against me her behaviour was absolutly not acceptable ! ( YOU HAD NO RIGHT ! ) I need to do that and clear out my throat chakra

  62. One minute I was 18 in the club… Next….. But I do understand.

  63. IV REMOVED THAT MANY TOXIC PEOPLE THAT I HAVE NO ONE LEFT ?

  64. It's difficult and expensive. I can't afford to move every time I'm stalked. At least now I've learned that no one has my back.

  65. It's a bitch when you're sick and can't be active. I have the flu and my abuser is my neighbor in the apt upstairs always home and listening to me. What a fucking freak.

  66. I am so overwhelmed with where to start coming out of abuse. I hear a lot about doing the work but as a single parent I don’t have hours every day to do everything I’d need to work on. Any ideas where to start to keep it simple? My brain can’t retain too much at the moment

  67. The anger is a real big issue for me… what I found also helpful is to write out several emails and letters but don’t send them. Save them. This is therapy and it helps so much… hug and love your way. 😘

  68. The only people, I imagine, who dislike this video (all 31 of them) I would be willing to bet are full blown narcs. They always hate exposure. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and knowledge.

  69. I love that you have The Giving Tree on your bookshelf. 🙂

  70. Does the anger exercises help later when we face conflict? For example reducing anxiety for later?

  71. 🙁 I am stuck in the depression. I have not been angry and cannot and don't know how to be. I have internalized it all and I am stuck

  72. Identifying the people who are hurting me is very much unclear.

  73. I dont know how to get beyond the anger because I still live with my covert narc wife who is constantly trying to stir the pot and then I react and I get upset as anyone would.
    She then projects and says I'm abusive which is crazy making because she is the instigator. These people are toxic..

  74. WHy can't I send my letter to the narc?

  75. Yeah I’m dealing with anxiety because of the way my narcissist turns me to I can’t arguing with ppl without getting angry.

  76. I naturally have been screaming and yelling in my car or in my home when no one is there….I thought it was not good. Glad to hear it's good to get this shit out.

    I'm 40 and been angry my whole life…at the same time I am polite and a people pleaser. It's very much in my DNA.

  77. I'm justglad I'm not alone. Everyone else around me is like you're just sensitive blah blah blah ugh

  78. My mother is the most emotional abusive person ever. Because of this I've always been known as the nicest most perceptive person known. But she scapegoats me right now I'm as angry as can be because I had a piece a toast.for the first time in months, apparently that was her "special" jam (its not) suddenly all she wanted was a pb and j sandwich and shes old and frail and could die without food.

    She wony allow me to go buy the same two dollar jar or bring it in the house

  79. Help me I can’t stop raging over abuse.

  80. I'm too angry. I am stuck with this stalker living above me. Can't afford to move. Management won't let me switch apts. Advocacy organizations won't help because it's not someone I'm "in a "relationship with."

  81. You should hide the cord to your technology; just because it is distracting to the viewer.

  82. I have cancer..( I am 55)…my doctor asked me if my mother neglected me when I was a child. I couldn't walk for 4 years do to pain and my mother would get angry at me. By the time I got treatment I had two cancers stage 4 and stage 3. I asked my mother to believe that there was something wrong with me. She tired hitting me in the face with her purse and then called the police on me. During chemo I had an infection and low white blood cell count. My mom and younger sister stopped by my house and told me to get off my butt and get a job. Now my two sisters are attacking me whenever they can. I ask them not to stress me because i have an emboli in my eye and know I can possible have a brain stroke. My mother mocks me and says oh poor Lorri. Is this normal?

  83. I wish I felt anger. I only feel deep deep sadness and depression due to the narc abuse. I know this is anger pointed inwards but I do not know how to reverse it. Being angry, feeling it, would be a major step forward for me

  84. I am very angry…. I am drinking why too much to deal! But. Then I forget all that happens but I know it’s all do to be having anger issues!! With my ex and others I keep close which they don’t even see that doing same ! Ughhhh sucks what should I do now???!!

  85. I don’t feel anything. The sadness is excruciating, so I turned it off. Now anger has taken its place. I’m in an environment that is extremely triggering, while working through the abuse I went through for the past year. I have been no contact for 1 week. But the environment is triggering and my sister lashed out at me and so the anger took over. It actually felt good to feel something, even though it was rage. I’m not sorry for lashing out at my sister. I’ve told her not to talk to me like that before. But I don’t want to lose control like that anymore. I’m not strong enough not to be triggered.

  86. I'm almost ONE year in my journey and I've recently noticed anger has reemerged back into my soul!! Thanks AGAIN!! For your amazing tips in growing!! ❤️

  87. My anger can be severe. To the point where I worry I’m a crazy person. I wish I could be pure and undamaged again.

  88. I wish I knew how. It bothers me that they are still in my life
    Breathing is what I need. Quite alone I will not celebrate anything with them because I see this tribal discord other than family.
    It is unnatural and is abusive to this grievance for the reality I rather dream for.

  89. Your videos are extremely helpful. Thank-you.

  90. Thank you for this video. I never knew what to do with my anger. I have a lot of it and never knew a method to deal with it.

    What I am realizing is yes, she was a busier but my reaction to her abuse was built up anger. Just thinking about releasing it caused me a borderline panic attack.

    I think that’s why I want to reach out to her so bad. I want to vent my anger towards and and explain it. But after 50+ times I knownit does no good. You said the victim goes back on average 7x. I have went back over 20x. Embarrassing. Not no more

  91. Just to let you know, there were advertisements with your video!

  92. Best ever Beautiful

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