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Dealing with Narcissism

Dealing with Narcissism


Hello there, Michael Mirdad here, blessings
to you all. This is one of our Friday night spiritual
insights with Michael Mirdad presentations, so thanks for joining us. And today we’re gonna focus on something I’m
sort of surprised that we haven’t talked about it that much and certainly haven’t done a
presentation only on this topic at least not that I recall. But I’m surprised we haven’t done it sooner,
because so many of you folks have, in counseling sessions or in emails, told me about your
difficulties with, drum roll please… Narcissistic people. So let’s talk about narcissism and so forth. Okay, to begin with, it’s not just you that I’m referring
to. There are a lot of people that ask this question. The talk is out there, people wondering, narcissism, what is it? And pretty soon, what happens is, you start
finding people using loosely using terms like this as though they know what it means. And what happens is, we make a quick identification. Narcissism, like it’s synonymous with vanity
and selfishness. And it sort of is. It depends on who you’re listening to, or what reference to narcissism. So let’s, as usual, let’s go deep into this
really, really nice, man. Let’s cover this on a deep level, a level
that most people can’t or don’t and yet I like to be clear and simple, so it’s understandable
practical, applicable as much as possible. But really, most people again, like I was
saying, don’t really know the term. And so they say, narcissism because in pop
psychology, there are things like the Oedipus complex or narcissism, they use terms that come from Greek
mythology. So whether it’s a male or female character, whether it’s a group of people
or whatever the case may be, we go to Greek mythology. They did that because of the common Latin
terms for medical organs, physiology, and so on. So they went back to Latin again, except Greek, and make reference. And also, because Greek mythology captures
not only deep spiritual insights, but archetypes of people. It’s archetypes. Sometimes those people actually existed, including
gods and goddesses, and demigods and so on. Not that the world of academia would want
to believe that or acknowledge that, but it’s true. A lot of those things did exist, some were
written as archetypes. So some things happened, some didn’t, but
they were mythologized, made to be a learning tool, paradoxes, or rather parables, and story-telling,
so that people could still learn. So at this point in our day and age, we hear
terms, that sometimes fit and sometimes don’t. So, Psychology says, “Okay we’re going to
use the narcissism as a reference, as a label, as a diagnoses, what you might say, personality
disorder. So we’re gonna use narcissism. And yet the idea is almost more, it’s almost
like a person that is so hyper-selfish, they can be harmful to others. That’s true, and yet there are mild versions
too, that are just people that just can’t stop talking about themselves. So we’ll kind of cover that as best we can. The mythology is like… Well, Narcissus, is somebody who was so vain
that he was in love with himself, and one day he looks into a pond he will not love
anybody but himself, he’s just so vain. “Well, am I not the coolest” and looks and
do a pond and says, “Wow, I am hotter than I even imagined,” because he could see his
reflection and then falls in love, and then gets so engrossed with His beauty, he falls
into the pond and drowns. That is like not at all the story of Narcissus,
it’s not at all. I mean, it has an ounce of similarity to the
real story but it’s really not it at all. So it’s not really an accurate portrayal,
but people will use that. Just kind of a really gross summary. So the truth is Narcissus was a very attractive
boy. And there’s little details, I can’t go into
right now but his mother is just like, “Wow, this child, so beautiful,” takes him to a
seer, clairvoyant, profit. “What can you tell me about my son?” And so, there’s just that story in itself. That little part of the story gets really
kind of cool and deep. But let’s stay out of that. Just the bottom line is a beautiful boy, and
everybody he meets, loves him, they just think he’s the greatest. He’s beautiful. There’s a continence about him, an energy,
sweet, and now clear an integrity and so on, and so everybody who meets him falls in love
with him, falls in love with him. But also, all the maidens in the area, they’re
just like just ga ga. Wow, like a deep shocking level of a… Just a falling in love. But he couldn’t find, he knew there was a
deeper love. He knew there was something more than a romantic
version of love, so he wouldn’t… Couldn’t let himself fall in love, which,
of course, upsets all the gals in the region, but he couldn’t. So now, of course, what happens is, and I
don’t mean to be gross, about this, but you remember the old story in the 70s, especially
there was the old… Like comedians would talk about this, where
if some guys went, “Wow look at that girl, ‘Hay, man, you know, how you doing?'” And she ignores him. The only way they could say face was to go. “Oh, she must be a lesbian,” because that
was their way of saying, otherwise she would be into me, which is really kind of ridiculous,
but that’s the kind of little commentary people made in those days. It’s kind of like that. People are looking at Narcissus, and he’s
not reciprocating, and so they get all upset. They get hurt, get angry, pass rumors and
all that, that stuff, that kind of happens, right, in this role. So one day he loved to taking walks in the
woods, and one day he’s walking in the woods and yes, he does come upon a pond but before
he does, he hears there’s a woman like all the women, they fall in love with him, and
there’s a woman, that falls in love with him, she’s like, “Oh my God,” and he could sense
her presence, couldn’t see her and then he could hear a voice every so often, so it’s
like “Wow, who is that?” and then she’ll go that yoke. You just hear like, almost a family who is
that and then he would say, “Are you there, she and he would hear there so he could just
hear this slight words of her trying to speak to him and that turns out to have happened
is this poor girl, she was sweet beautiful as well, somebody he probably would have fallen
in love with and just her presence and he was seemingly like starting to really like
Who’s this beautiful presence, and who is she so potentially, could have found love,
but she had been cursed as well. Now, she had been cursed by a jealous… Goddess who assumed that her God, husband,
was fooling around, with which hadn’t happened, but she thought so, so she cursed this girl,
this young girl and said, “You know, you will not be able to be seen especially heard you’re
not going to be seen, you’re cursed to kind of be almost like a shadow out there, and
I accept anybody that can hear you. The only words that people can perceive or
anything to be able to perceive about you is they’ll hear like your last word or words
of any sentence but you’re only allowed to repeat the ones they said. So if they said, you know, who are you and
she would say, You. So it gets kind of sad, but kind of cool because,
in some ways, she’s reflecting words to us, but it’s sad because she can’t be who she
is, she’s only she can only be like a reflection of others and her name was Echo, which is
where we get the word echo, echo, echo. So that’s her he would say. Where are you, you, you, and who are you,
you, you, you know, and things like that, so it’s really kind of cool. And the goddess that put the curse on him
limiting his abilities, because what happens is he finally gives up on the situation with
meeting echo and he’s like frustrated, but then all of sudden he goes into a pond and
sees upon season’s reflection, and it all dawns on him and he’s like, “Oh my God, I
see it it’s beauty, and it’s funny because the world teaches us we can’t love ourselves
and we can’t see good in ourselves, or else we are narcissistic. So, it’s a twist on things because he did
righteously see his beauty. Accurately see his beauty. Nothing wrong with it, but it’s not that commonly
accepted here, is it? So he sees his beauty, and one goddess that’s
out to get him, says, “Look at him, he’s falling in love with himself, he’s enamored with himself,
so he adds another person, and so in that moment, he starts to feel the pain of all
the women in the world and all the women that had met him, he starts to feel the pain of
what they felt when they did not yet reciprocated the love, they felt they felt hurt and sad
and whatever lonely abandoned or whatever, so he was faced in that moment to feel all
the pain that we would say He caused, but he didn’t cause it, but that came as a secondary
or whatever effect of this, an incident. So he just falls in such deep pain, he dies
and the maidens who had fallen in love with him in the region heard about this so they
ran out, because they realized you know what, it wasn’t his fault, he’s beautiful, and we
loved him “righteous-ly so we should love love, we should love beauty and love love,
so let’s go and bury his body and give him what he deserves. So they’re gonna go out and do this, but they
don’t find the body, they just fine. Where he was lying, a pile of flowers, you
know, growing in his place and these became a flower known as the nurse of flower. So that’s what happened, and now it’s kind
of interesting, but the mean bad, God is so to speak, that cursed him. In that moment, her name was nemesis. And we know what that word means. So great mythology these terminologies Narcissus
and the flower and the term you know the name echo where that came from and all these deep
metaphysical meanings. And it would be great if someone would present
that kind of material in such a deep metaphysical spiritual kind of a fashion. You only get bits of it here and there sometimes
way cerebral sometimes way an accurate one, way or another historically or whatever. So, you know, you can’t do much more with
it. And I think I said once that I might do an
online course, where we can just focus on this sort of thing, for a few weeks, but maybe
we will, maybe we won’t, but we’ll see. At least it’s at least out there as an idea. So we start understanding that technically,
you could say narcissism is a personality disorder. And personality disorders are usually rated
at least in modern psychology or sciences of the mind to be incurable. So, it’s something people think you can’t
even really take medicine for it, but it’s a personality disorder. So you’re stuck with it, it’s gonna be challenging,
it’s gonna likely affect your life and the life of people around you, whether it’s borderline
personality or narcissism, things like that. You’re just gonna end up struggling. So and also, I don’t know that this is out
there in science in studies, but I will say it’s acceptable to say that more men tend
to be narcissistic than women, even though both can be narcissistic men and women can
both but I think it’s more common to be seen or assumed and presumed to be. And men. So it’s just a little side thought but… For example, I know the old traditional, the
mother a narcissistic mother and you think will earn mom’s nice, Donna, Reed and the
old traditional nice, sweet, mom or Missus Cunningham on Happy Days to bring it more
to modern terminologies even though that’s 40 years ago, now, there’s also the syndrome
of the mom like one. I know who the daughter announces to the mom
and dad “guess what, at that moment, I’m getting married, you know, you. “Oh honey. You know, our stereotype would be the mommy. You know that the healthy mom would be… Oh my God, that’s beautiful, you’re so beautiful,
you’re so lucky and he’s lucky to be great. But it didn’t go that way. In this case, the mom bursts out I can’t believe
it. You’re only getting married so that your father
won’t have enough money to remodel the kitchen. You now my kitchen that I wanted remodel. Now imagine, not only the hurt in that girl,
but just think about how late blatantly selfish, that was. And you can hear that concept of narcissism,
which shouldn’t be tied in with ethology ’cause that’s inappropriately done in accurately
done but you could hear the intense selfishness about that, really, ’cause that’s likely what
your daughter was doing. She probably didn’t even like the guy. I wanna get married. She just thought, “How could I screw up my
mother’s chances of getting her kitchen redone? I know! I’ll get married and do something like that,
like a big decision of life just to mess up my mother, mess at my mom’s plans.” But that’s how a narcissist could think, because
it’s like they’re so inflated with self-importance, they could think that somebody would go that
far in applying to ruin them because they’re that important, you know. They’re at whatever important or or present
in people’s lives, they’re just such a presence anyway. Narcissism you could say manifests in two
general forms, aggressive narcissists and more passive narcissism. Aggressive. It’s like those who would insist on attention
like rage if they don’t get it that starts to almost overlap, to the reaction of a border
line or a psychopath, like just boom, like it really can hit but we cannot assume and
should not assume that that all narcissists are like that. There’s some narcissist that just could sit
so sweet and they may not get what they want, but they’re just kind of more casual about
it and they’ll just come up with something else to say. About themselves. So one would get all reactive. It not necessarily overtly say, “How dare
you nine of the thing. It wouldn’t necessarily be that obvious, although
it could be, but they would get enraged and you realize, Wow, when that person thinks
realizes it comes to accept, to some level that what’s happening is that they’re not
the center of everybody’s world, they’re gonna just trip out. And that’s the arrogance of a lot of celebrities
by celebrity even celebrity level, athletes where we’re in the limelight everything revolves
around us and so on. So that’s kinda that goes, but the passive
one is just gonna be more like, almost like an old only child syndrome, in what matters. So I need to pull every conversation to me. So, somebody says… “Yeah, I just got back from a trip.” “Oh, I was on a trip last week.” “I’m thinking of getting married, or I’ve
been married five times.” “Yeah, God, I gotta go to the dentist today.” “Oh, I was just there last month.” No matter what, it’s like, every conversation
you could just something to say something abstract. God, I almost had a dog today, and Oh, I had
a wonderful… I did it to be about the dog I had and I just
know it’s probably why the dog ran away because it just, everybody kind of gets tired of hearing. I me mine. If that’s how their brain works they could
be that it could be that they were an only child, or it could be that they have past
lives as a king or queen because it is very common, you know, to be… It’s called entitled entitlement as a major,
let’s call it symptom of narcissism. It’s just like, I’m all that matters. So that’s kind of you know what that’s about. Nurses is can seem like a blend of other disorders. I mean it really can be hard to open these
things down. And I’m not telling you to these things down,
I’m not asking to start going down a list in your mind of people, you know, I Arapaho
path. Not asking you to do that. I’m just saying Since we, if we’re gonna do
the topic then we have to address a good breadth of things and the depth as well, so understand
it. It’s hard to sometimes say that something’s
just a narcissist. I’ve heard people say, “Oh you know my ex
was a borderline personality that had borne a line personality disorder. And really when they tell me, about the person
I go that’s actually a narcissist. Or sometimes Wow, that’s actually a psychopath. There’s just things that you can feel. But none of those are solid because these
are all human perceptions. You can’t say that the two trees growing out
your yard and they’re looking independent, but one’s branches are over there, one’s branches
or which one has the most branches in which other “prelates spaces, it like they overlap,
and there’s Erin… Between it. It’s really not something you can say. Cut and dry. It’s kind of like that we’re talking about
energies and or kinds of things, energetic things psychological things, emotional things,
the emotional body, the energy body. And so it really, it overlaps. So it’s hard to say something is just one
thing not to mention. Chemical disorders chemical imbalance is bipolar
disorder, depression, and so and so these things can all overlap, but narcissism can
have symptoms or characteristics of psychopathy or historic ironic is like, “Oh my God, everything
is dramatic everything is just like it just so blown out of proportion, which is kind
of like a nurses who starts blowing things out of proportion because things aren’t about
them, or the psychopath who flips because of their own reasons for… I want what I want. So it all kind of overlap. So nurses… Well, as overlaps with borderline personality
and so. So characteristics each symptom or characteristic
that I share here of narcissism. Each one of these, I’ll share maybe like a
dozen, but each one of these in itself could be challenging to be with a person with any
one of these things. So imagine that a nurses has all of these
things. I don’t know if you read a book or go online,
you know you’re probably gonna see five signs of “2 signs of borderline of nurses or whatever,
we knew overlap in… They’re probably gonna all generally agree
with some variations. There’s gonna be some clinical people out
there that wouldn’t agree with with what I would give you as a list, but I think you’re
gonna find that it’s likely correct or probably agrees with most specialists out there. And I’m not claiming to be one, I’m an intuitive
I-a spiritual counselor, a spiritual healer, a spiritual teacher. So mine comes from another place, but I believe
that it’s a place that’s maybe sometimes clearer than the mental mumbo jumbo that goes on,
but the most common symptom may be characteristic is self-absorbed. Everything is about them. That’s a narcissist. But that doesn’t imply that there are men
or that they are this or that, it just self-absorbed. So you could say a lot of people, it seem
self-absorbed. That’s okay, fine. Is that make the monarchists not necessarily,
but beyond self-absorbed. There starts to get the vanity. How do I look how do I look in my look how
do I look constantly? And it’s almost like there’s a subconscious
competitiveness. If they walk by a mirror they can’t, they
can’t walk by a mirror without catching a glimpse. Remember the song, You’re so vain. Carly Simon. And I don’t need you guys to start posting
who… That was about, but I think most people know
the story. It was about a very vain conceded nurse’s
actor. But we don’t know if he’s clinical, we just
know that he was considered an… And in the song she’s kind of saying No. You can’t walk by a mirror without, you know,
getting a little glimpse of yourself. Yeah, but that can be… Conceit doesn’t have to be… Narcissism could just be a little conceited. Little bit, but narcissism again, I would
have a list of characteristics not just vanity and not just self-absorbed, then you know,
you start to get a little dangers, ’cause they start to go into like superiority now. It’s not just… I’m kind of conceited now I’m feeling superior
which means your inferior. So when I speak when I think and speak to
others if I’m a narcissist, you are automatically lesser. So really, you’re just here to do my bidding,
which brings us back to gosh, it sounds like some lifetime of some… You could think royalty could be, could also
just be a slave owner believe it or not, it doesn’t mean they have always some wonderful,
you know, velvety kind of robes and crowns, ’cause some royalty was gross in vain and
some were nice and wonderful, but somebody’s a narcissist and you see signs of potential
like entitlement and in Superior. And “How dare you question me ’cause I know
everything. And it’s not even just… Who knows more, it’s the very idea that you
would even speak when I’m in the room that’s how far I can go. Sometimes may not always look that way, ’cause
they have to cover it up, but that’s kind of how it is, and that’s not just royalty. Oh, it could be. That could be somebody who’s higher up in
the church, it could be a slave owner, it could even just be a tyrannical house hold
leader of a household that of a household a mom or dad or whatever. I think we’re on, let’s go for the four thing,
let’s go with kind of… They start to overlap the things I’m naming
but demanding attention that’s again, self-absorbed, it’s a little bit of superiority, but it’s
sort of its own thing, demanding attention and that starts to get to be like almost like
the spoil child or the only child syndrome, where all the attention on me and I can’t
even imagine why you would be putting any attention on anybody else. Another one, and again, these overlap, is
like grandiose it’s a term used in of course in miracles here and there because it talks
about how the ego… It is filled with grandiose not… Not greatness. But Gratiot as it used here is more like you
think you’re great. And not only that, grandiose is like inflated
greatness like you just like… You think any day. Now, I’m getting a raise any day now, I’m
gonna be promoted to President of this corporation and I’m gonna probably be before I probably
be a billionaire. It faded to be loved by everybody. Everybody knows that I’m right about everything,
even if you’re brilliant, and you are right about things, that’s great, but when you walk
around with that, plus you think your superior plus your vein plus, but then it starts to
become… You could call it clinical nurse assist can
be psychic vampires just sucking the air out of a room or energy from people. But they can suck energy out of a room, a
border line can do that. Sometimes, like my identity is all based on
what you think of me. So, I’m gonna Sutter EIR out of the room and
just pull everything from you, but I need to pull your energy from you and if you don’t
give it, I’m gonna rage and then I’m gonna probably cry in sales. Sorry, don’t leave me. So it’s these extreme almost bipolar, kind
of thing, kind of things in of order line but a narcissist, an SCI vampires that that
leads me, the last part of what I just said reminds me there’s a nurse so they know how
to play the victim card. So after all I’ve done for you, you know,
when just being all puffed up doesn’t do it, then it’s gonna be. Oh, okay fine. After all I’ve done for you. I can’t even believe that you’re doing this
to me and that sort of thing, that you go, Well that doesn’t sound real prideful and
narcissistic. No, it’s passive-aggressive but that’s a little
bit more the passive side of the nurses is I’ve already said entitled, but I just wanna
make sure we drive that home. Entitlement self-employed you. But entitlement getting upset when things
don’t go their way, or not just when things don’t go their way, it’s even, there’s a subtle
thing in this one, it’s when things are not perfect, by my standards, so the narcissistic
parent can come home, it might be other characteristics of their is like stress, but it could be narcissism,
when they come home and they see one hand to is out of place, the dinner is set for
them has to be, ’cause they’re the king or queen. But you forgot to put a spoon next to their
plate, that’s how weird it can get. And again, it’s not just perfect, it’s not
OCD, and so on. This is how… Do candidate’s, the spoon? It’s not, it’s place and narcissism, it’s
like, “How dare you disrespect me and not have that SPOON in place leads us to another
one. There’s a little bit of under going on outside
you can maybe here. So another characteristic, the control freak,
and nurses is a narcissist is typically gonna be a control freak. Wanting everything perfect, everything in
place, but also and that one is a blend of the… I want everything in place, perfectionism. But it’s also mixed with entitlement and superiority
and so on. Lacking boundaries is a huge… Actually, let me say first lacking responsibility. A nurse is isn’t typically gonna say, Gosh,
God, I blew that, didn’t I? I’m really sorry about that. That’s not usually gonna happen. Why would they? It’s the kind… Queen, they can do what they want, they can
say We are superior, you know and it’s gonna all just be okay and if you have a problem
with it, it’s your problem. I think it’s nice for us all to learn to say
my dad or Oops, or sorry. I think it’s really kind of cool. I found myself learning to say sorry or whatever
quite often and even if I’ve not done something because in saying that, it helps sort of disarm
people that are reared up in some way, so it doesn’t hurt. I mean, it does if you’re really… I protest Cal, but there’s nothing wrong. The greatest, the smallest of us as we perceive
ourselves to be it doesn’t matter. The youngest child, the oldest child. Sorry about that, it’s okay for a parent to
say to the kids, too. Oh, you know what, sorry, about that? Just because of the parents, doesn’t mean
they’re beyond something like that. It’s beautiful, it’s honest and it’s humbly,
you know it’s humility, so lacking responsibility but God lacking boundaries. You know, the narcissist doesn’t even believe
you have the right to have boundaries. They may not say that, but this is the thinking
they will not honor yours, but have it help you if you don’t order their boundaries and
they would have bound as what they have or very stringent needs demands you will do this
period and then you can say, I have… Can I have such and such what, what, why would
you even think you can ask? That’s how severe that can be. The narcissist also lacks empathy, or the
ability to understand why you’re upset. If they’ve hurt you, they really don’t get
it because they’re so self-absorbed… Again, their energies all here, so they look
out of this package that is them all wrapped up in itself and they look outside that package
at you and wonder you barely even exist. Why are you having emotions without my giving
a permission to have emotions or without my believing that you even should have those
emotions. So go ahead and explain them to me. But no, because I’m not actually been interested
in why you’re having emotion. That’s how crazy that could all be so… And I know that as I’m sharing these things
listeners viewers here can go check, check, to people that you might have struggled with,
and I’m really sorry because it’s not easy. Dealing with people with personality disorders,
which can be us too watching, it’s okay. So, that’s us too, in some ways, and they
say It’s incurabl. That’s not true, actually. Anything is curable, but not all things in
this life and not all things in this minute. Some things take a little more time. Sometimes a personality disorder, you say? Well, how do I heal it? It’s not gonna be through meds. And they’ll say There’s no meds for it, fine,
you don’t need it. Apparently, ’cause it doesn’t work for… But you could say that if I do have a personality
disorder, what do I do with it? Is that it… I’m just up Creek and faded to that. You could look at it as just being a labeled
challenge that you have to work on the challenges of having a mild allergy or a major personality
disorder in God. They’re all the same, they’re the children
of God, believing that they can be flawed in some way. How law doesn’t really matter. Personality Disorder. Well, that’s majorly lot. No, it’s all the same. And I actually, I’ll come back and talk about
that in just a sec. But they lack empathy. Let’s just finish up this list. And I think I’ve noted off on pretty much
everything I’m gonna add one more which is nurses, as tend to be tense and anxious a
lot. Because I mean after all the poor darlings
they have to keep looking around. “Is everything going my way? “Is a really looking at me. So that causes a lot of anxiety doesn’t it? You can strain your neck, having to look around
and see if everybody’s staring like you want them to, but it also causes the people around
them, to be quite tense and anxious because you never know when they’re gonna blow again,
similar to other disorders but it’s quite stressful. And causes a lot of anxious-ness anxiety so
it could be that my grades were never good enough. And there’s actually stories of especially
males in this case, male narcissists who… Whose wives have children, they might have
had a decent relationship up to that point, but it is not uncommon for the wife to have
a child and then the husband pulls away. There’s other reasons that that happens sometimes,
but narcissism is one of them, and they pull away. Why did they pull away? And technically, because you’ve just triggered
many of those characteristics, how can you love something other than me? You’re giving attention to my child to the
your child, you know, that’s no big deal, it’s just by me. They can actually have these thoughts even
if they don’t always say them. So if you’ve ever noticed your parent or a
parent starts to become more distant it could be kind of scary, because you can’t say. “Oh honey. I know you’ve been distant lately, maybe your
nurse sit in the ER to go. How did I miss that? It’s not usually gonna go well, so you have
to figure out how you’re gonna navigate that I guess. So let’s go into that for a moment. How do you navigate that? What do we do if we have a nurse is in our
life or it’s a significant part of our life, it could be our boss could be a family member,
like a brother-sister could be a parent. Your partner, it could be your child, but
you know what are we gonna do and what we’re gonna do depends a little bit. You can’t just say, “Well you do this because
what you would do with a distant friend would be very different than a live in partner,
you know, click obviously, but in general I would start with saying, this practice love
and forgiveness. Um, the patient. Maybe you have to be practicing love and forgiveness
from a distance, but don’t forget, patience, compassion, love, forgiveness. Okay, number one, to practice self-observation. Like why is this in my life. See, a narcissist is not typically aware of
their inner self they only feel suspicious, that something’s not right, they don’t wanna
think it’s them. Must be you, you must be up to something snap
the whip and a of blame and accuse. So, they lack responsibility. So one thing you can do is just practice self-observation,
first of all, to make sure you’re not a nurses, it yourself, but they’re self-absorbed. Virtual people are self-aware, so the more
you develop spiritual or self-awareness, the more you’re becoming healthier you’ll not
only not be so much a narcissist if there’s any characteristics in you, but you’ll also
attract them less often, believe it or not. Also, you wanna show a nurse assist that You
are not there to be their slave and you don’t have to yell that but I’m saying you show
just a place of center inside a place of… I’m here, I’m actually here. See, they don’t want people that are there,
they want people that lack self-worth, the narcissist and other types of personality
disorders, they drive on people not knowing who they are. So the more you hold Center have self-awareness
and show that you’re kinda You backbone that’s kind of you not a wimp back on. That’s kind of a nice immunity to this kind
of a relationship or interaction. Depending on the relationship with them. Yeah, you can suggest they get help if they
say no, if they say yes, great, if they say No, no it’s gonna be difficult for nurses,
is to say, “I think I need help because that means I’m not the center of the universe,
I need some help from outside from someone else that might know more than me, that’s
impossible, and as soon as I… So, suggests that they get help and you and
I know that that doesn’t always go well with somebody that’s in any way out of control
addictions or whatever else, but it happens. Remember, Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries
is the next item. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries set boundaries,
hold your boundaries. But they have their boundaries when they don’t
wanna have boundaries, to remind them. Your space ends right over there, so you might
have to remind them of their boundaries. Next, find a good support group, you know,
especially… But somebody close to you, that hurts a family
member partner whatever yet a good support group. ’cause you’re gonna need it, you’re gonna
need it. It’s almost like a breath of fresh air, it’s
like a voice of sanity on the other end of that line man, here’s what’s going on it’s
like, there’s special groups and books for people in relationship with people with borderline
personality. It’s like walking on a Shelves, there’s a
book along that sort of a name for that sort of relationship. Borderline walking on egg shells or something
like that. I think it was written maybe back in the 80s
or 90s. So as again, find a good support group. And by the way, being in a relationship with
the narcissist is pretty much synonymous with an extreme version of a co-dependent relationship,
so if you can’t find nurses as Anonymous you might be looking at just co-dependent groups,
that would be more than adequate and maybe read a little bit about it and so on. And keep in mind, we’re talking about how
to deal with others, we still have to talk about what if we have some of those characteristics
and we gotta be honest about that. Next, do your best to take responsibility. This is important because and this is boundaries
again, but specific don’t take responsibility for their feelings. You’ve heard me or I can’t believe you told
me I need a counselor, or you’re the one who didn’t have the spoon Nextel where I wanted
it, and you just don’t care and that’s kind of bothering me, but I’m not gonna take responsibility
for their failings. That’s very important, but do take responsibility
for your own if you get enraged if you get hurt, watch that. Why is that happening? ’cause if I can clean up my own bits of velcro,
that they can stick to it, their comments stick to, and I remove that, velcro inside
of me. My own low self-worth, self-doubt kinds of
things. They’re gonna go after that. I mean, these people, people with personality
disorders, they know how to spot what they’re looking for, which is someone who feels a
slight inadequacy and they’re just gonna, they’re just gonna head for that. That’s just your doom. So watch out next be aware of no. In scenarios this is true for any kind of
co-dependent relationship. But in this dealing with Narcissus, please
watch out for how they put you in. No win scenarios, because that’s a set up. It’s kind of like, it’s kind of like If you
love me, you’ll put that SPOON exactly where I want it on the table. Okay, wait, how do I argue that, I can say
No, that has nothing to do with it, and they’re not gonna accept that. You can say. Okay fine, then I’ll make sure it’s there
but you might forget some day confirming their accusation. I’m just using as a really simplistic kind
of example, but it’s a no in situation, so you gotta watch in any co-dependent relationship
you’ve gotta watch ’cause it’s easy to fall into the trap of enabling the behavior of
people with personality disorders, I mean… And then you’re gonna be afraid of pulling
out of that pattern once they put you in a box. I expect you to be a certain way, and no one
situations, and you start to get pushed and pulled by them. You’ve become kind of a psychic or emotional
slave to them, it’s gonna be hard to pull out of that and they will work you over for
it, they’re not gonna let you just slip out of that spot. It could be if your mom or your dad, you know,
has that narcissism there can be things like… Well, I’m gonna pull the… I’m gonna put your name out of our will. I’m gonna disown you. Oh wow, that already kind of tells me that
you don’t actually love me, you know, unless I’ve done something horrible, to you then
you probably should say Don’t buy, but when they use it manipulative got a watch men not
to be pulled into that because it’s also knowing if they say I’ve known somebody quite narcissistic,
that said to their son. If you marry that particular girl. You’re out of the family, okay, let me think
about that. So, I marry her, I’m out of the family, I
lose that I lose mommy lose friends, I lose siblings or whatever, and the family, if I
don’t marry this person, I don’t marry who I love. And I’m following yet again, the orders of
a psycho-narcissist, or whatever else they’re suffering from. So that’s just another example of a no-win
situation. And there’s one last thing I wanna say in
terms of dealing with this sort of thing. Jesus says, In A Course in Miracles, I elected
for your sake and in to demonstrate that even the most outrageous assault a person who has
done absolutely no wrong and in fact, the exact opposite. Love in, healing all these wonderful miracles
Jesus did teaching love preaching love. It caters out or a living low and he calls
it an outrageous assault. I demonstrated that even under the condition
of the most outrageous undeserved assaults that your opinions of me, Your assaults on
me do not have power over me. He says that they do not matter, even if the
most outrageous assault came on to Jesus, He’s like, means nothing. What’s my reaction. Don’t take it too seriously. Forgive them, they know not what they do. He was demonstrating that. And my point to that is we forget how powerful
you are and that these people don’t actually have power as they think they do, which would
just destroy them to realize how not empowered, they are… That’s the only reason they’re acting out
the way they do. I’m narcissistic because I’m trying to compensate
for something. So, what’s nurse is about, it’s all the same
with you’re the narcissist or the person with the nurses. Technically they’re the same. Now you’re going, Well, no way a minute. They’re the bad guy, I’m the good guy. Well, now we both have forgotten who they
are. One, then lashes out as a nurse is to, over-compensate
the other one crashes, forgetting the power that they have inside. Otherwise, you wouldn’t let this person who’s
obviously off the rocker take control of your life like that. So that’s what it’s about. Well, if people have forgotten. So, encountering in countering narcissism
we just observe it. I would say one thing to do guys, is besides
the things mentioned already is observed for yourself ’cause you might have some of these
characteristics but observed that and see if there’s a bit of that in you and what you
might be able to do about it. I know
if you ask yourself, could I could I be narcissistic? You ask a few simple questions like, Do I… Am I okay apologizing. Am I even willing to ask if I’m a nurse is
’cause the nurses I usually won’t not always, but usually they won’t. So if I’m willing to say, “Well I wonder if
I have any of those characteristics that it’s kind of a nice humble open-minded thing going
on inside of you. That’s probably a good sign. Do you use the word I… A lot, and I don’t just mean the word I like. I could sit here and say I would like to talk
to you guys today about nurse says “Oh he’s a narcissist, is ’cause he said I… I would like some ice cream today. Oh, nurses is now that’s exaggerated. I’m talking about when it’s like nothing can
be said without the conversation coming back to, I or me, everything’s I, or me and you
can ask yourself if you do that. Gosh, maybe I do kind of turn every conversation
back to me or something related to me. You could also in a pinch, you can ask friends. That’s a tricky one, ’cause then they’re gonna
start noticing it and go. You are nurses. ’cause you just said I… So that’s a tricky one but if you needed to,
you could ask and say, “Hey you know, I, I, I’ve heard about this thing and I know some
people that do this. I ask you on this question, do you think I
do that? And would you like some feedback that way? It kind of levels the playing field. Would you like some feedback and you could
say No, no, no, I’ve heard all about nurses is how they talk about themselves, or to a
and I really don’t see that. I think we all say, “I and me once in a while,
but it’s not a, it’s not clinical, and they might say… Oh thank you, yeah so you might have a pretty
decent conversation but I think that that’s a way to go, but that’s really in a pinch
because you also putting people in a position to answer you and hope that the lands are,
honestly, and I don’t know that everybody could answer, honestly, especially if they
think you really are a narcissist, than they’re gonna be afraid to tell you the truth because
of the rage that can come out of a nurses’ is… So we all have moments when we’re self-absorbed. You know, it just happens, you don’t don’t
you can say something about my hair style, but don’t ever touch my shiny car. It’s perfect condition, and it’s an old classic
and that becomes my… But it’s still me. Don’t touch that car, don’t some put as much
on my car ’cause that can still be narcissistic even though it’s not me directly. I’m talking about what’s mine is still an
extension of me and don’t touch me, don’t much me, don’t don’t do anything that would
deter from me in any way. So, as I’m starting to wrap up, I would say
just personally, my experience, what I do sometimes. I just try to make a little micro adjustments
consistently. I won’t say constantly ’cause it might have
a wrong connotation, but nice and consistently. I’ve written several books in today’s context,
confound Ries and those kinds of things, my relationship book, “Creating fulfilling relationships
and you can’t have fulfilling relationships, if you don’t have healthy boundaries and dealing
with co-dependence and so on. But when I have written books, sometimes the
natural language is to say something like You have to remember work on yourself to… I’m just giving you an example, work on yourself
to heal your relationships. But because I want to do my best to model
healthiest, even though there was no ill intention there, I went back into my books and I still
do every so often to watch for any seeming you need, what you need to do is work on co-dependence,
which is true. But I changed almost everything I’ve ever
written to me. What we need to do, ’cause we’re all in this
together. And nurses is won’t be able to do that, but
I’m just giving you an example of how I’ve even gone into the expense of many hundreds
or thousands of dollars of re-editing books just to get a pronoun changed it didn’t have
to, but it’s consistent. It’s a matter of consistency. But also, because I’ve known friends and authors
that have written books with lots of you you you and seeing that I’m like, “Wow that’s
just so unhealthy. Not that we always have to mean it that way. Not that every time you say you it’s negative,
it’s just… I saw it now and again in excess, so I thought
Let’s go with we. But not just because you can be abusive one
way or a used one way it’s ’cause we is actually more true is it feels right, that’s just me. I mean that’s just the way it is. Maybe other people would say you didn’t need
to do that or whatever, it just seemed right. And I know that a lot of teachers, they’ll
write in their books. I and let me to start about me, me, me. And even some people nurses, is very tactile
sometimes sometimes I’ve known people that consistently talk about themselves, but sometimes
they’ll actually shift and talk about their car or their child and you realize every time
we talk to have to mention their child, that can be a passive aggressive form of narcissism. I’m just gonna bring… I got to bring up that job. And it doesn’t matter if you love the child
or not, that’s not the point, it’s why you’re actually using them. Look, I have a child, you know to bring attention
to yourself again. Look, I have a new car look. Did you see my new hair? Did you see a new outfit. Sometimes that’s not unhealthy, but we should
just be aware if we’re doing it that it could be unhealthy. That’s all I’m saying. And just trying to clean up things that we
might do if it comes across in a narcissistic kind of a fashion of narcissistic style of
communication. But, my last thing I’m wanting to share is,
that, think of if we’re going back to Greek mythology think of being in a narcissistic
relationship, being in one, think of it as a metaphor for being… Don’t laugh too hard. A metaphor for being in hell. Okay, what a drag okay. So if I have a relationship with a narcissist
that means Michael saying, it’s like being in hell and you might go… Oh, that’s terrible. You might laugh and go. Yeah totally, it is, like How… But that’s not reminding it. How did you end up in hell, because you usually
don’t end up in hell, for no reason. Oh, Michael’s just turned the table back on
each of us right? So how did I end up with a narcissist? How did he end up in hell? Oh, I guess the crying that locks you away
in hell, it’s metaphors. Are things like low self-worth, excess itself
doubt low self-worth self-judgments. So if I have self-judgment such as low self-Wardell
starting to scratch out I’m a little. But if I have those judgments judgments usually
result in some sort of a child sentence. Let’s say if it’s a legal judgment against
you. So if I have judgment, I’m now gonna end up
on… So that means before I even met the narcissist
and ended up in hell with them. I was already finding myself guilty of low
self-worth guilty of something. Un-desirability. Oh, I cheated on my first husband. And I just feel shame for a perfect… Now you’re just… You’re the wounded animal, you know, that
the predators will come after and that’s what happens. I hope this metaphor makes sense, ’cause it’s
so deep to say, Wow, how I must have thought or done something to get into all instead
it just… Yeah man, nurses are like being in hell you
why are you in hell? Oh, now I turned it to… I’ve gotta look at myself, I’ve got a look
at where I have low self-worth. And the good news is, as you work on that,
you’ll be free, you won’t attract a narcissist, you won’t be as attractive to a nurse is they
will go Look, I’m a shark and there’s a bleeding victim in the water. Umm, your theme song for your wedding won’t
be don’t don’t don’t… Don’t do as your slow dance together and all
that. So as we learn to heal and live a life that’s
more aligned with love and self-worth we’re creating an immunity to narcissism or whatever
else, to all kinds of things that can happen to us in this world. So our, our cue comes from changing our consciousness. Obviously, ’cause everything outside is a
reflection of consciousness. Heaven and hell are just reflections of consciousness. So I’m gonna start moving from low self-worth
to love, and self-worth not narcissistic, self-worth, which is over-inflating grades,
but rather love and self-worth. God actually created me as a nice soul. Not just saying it, start acting like it start
having healthier thoughts, words, and deeds start having healthier boundaries and it will
be unattractive literally unhealthy people start to become repelled and like the people
that got hurt feelings from nares, is… You know sometimes because you’re looking
for a deeper love they’re gonna just be mad and they’re gonna get anything they might
project on if that’s gonna bother you, then don’t bother try to wake up at all spiritually
and worry about everybody else’s feelings and to a fault. And then you had a been elicits. That’s fine, you have to… Everybody’s got that choice, but we don’t
have to… We can choose again and say, You know, we’re
all in this together. Yes, I was mad, angry, hurt, by that border-lying
partner that psychopath partner that bipolar partner or whatever, you call them depressed,
or whatever, you thought somebody was. But why was I in that pit with them, I must
have had something going on that kind of brought me that direction. So the solution after naming all these characteristics
and all these, what to do, the ultimate solution remembering who we are in grandiose its. I don’t remember who I am, so I’m gonna make
up a version who I am. Oh, look at me, I’m a King, I’m a queen, I
deserve everything. You know, you must do this, and you must do
that. And how dare you sitting around with those
constant declarations. No, it’s not that this is… I’m remembering who I am, nothing I need to
do, meaning to impress anybody. Oh, I forgot to brush my hair today, and “Oh
well, you gotta laugh at it a little bit tough. I have to called a different colored socks,
on, it’s not like “Oh I got a “My God what you don’t go into panic attacks. ’cause like a son, what’s said at the end,
nothing really matters. Any one can see nothing really matters, nothing
really matters to me. Human wraps it right? So it’s like that, it’s like none of this
really matters, it’s really small stuff that some people that are so missing themselves
forgetting who they are, they blow out of proportion to create drama to make everybody
then jump into positions that they give them because they know better on how to fix something,
and instead it’s like, No, let’s try… Just let’s call, I’m not gonna hold any ill
will please don’t hold ill-will. It’s hard not to, if somebody’s really harmed
you, with their personality disorders, or their behaviors in some way. I don’t have to hold any ill. Well, I kinda see I was sort of seeing myself
as their victim at one time. They are a recipient of whatever and I get
it now. And we played at the bottom line is, you can
just say, even if you wanna say this at first, with a little bit of attitude ’cause you might
have to start with that before you could come to total piece, but you can just say… I do believe they would mean I do believe
they were kind of screwed and they were kind of rude and took it down if they did all that
gland, make you less than blurred out. And you can say, “and it wasn’t nice of them,
it was selfish. Get that all, but just try to get yourself
to at least say this. But I do know this, if I were completely aware
of who I am, and in my healthiest state of mind I would not have accepted that in my
life, I would have done something about it or done something sooner. If nothing else, you can state that, because
that means you’re at least acknowledging a part you play and that you can make different
choices, that’s a good healthy thing to do. And that, at some point, you’ll be able to
say even more, which is the second half of that which is… And it also means that they must not have
known who they really are for them to have behave the way they did, and that’s pretty
cool ’cause when you do that, you realize, “Oh my God, the statement forgive them, they
know not what they do is not stated by a nice guy to bad people. It is stated to all people, including ourselves,
that when we’re off, we allow things that are off and we act a bit off, whichever role
I played in this incident, it only came from me not knowing who I am. It’s not necessary, so I like… Of course, miracles is saying, the only reason
the person can become narcissistic, is to compensate manufacture a false grandiose to
make up for how little you feel. Now, I’m not telling you one of those lines
about… Oh, just feel sorry for them, you like really…
’cause they beat me up verbally every day. I’m saying No, I didn’t here. No one in here and just go. This is a game, meaning this person they shout
the shame. Wow, and I can see through it, and you can
say, “Oh poor thing, they might have been hurt it, whatever this or another life, but
also, you, you are also in this… So we have to say This has to end. And if they were healthier, I were to healthy. We wouldn’t be doing this. If both of us are healthy clearly we wouldn’t
be doing this, but if one of us is one of us, the other wouldn’t be… Here right now experiencing this. So I’m gonna recommend that they consider
health-ness they’ll take that advice or they wont. Not my business, but I should insist on my
health-ness, I should insist on me going in that direction. And that’s what you need to be aware of. So I hope this is made good sense I pray that
this can alleviate confusion around the topic. I pray that it could make a huge difference
in your life by just saying, I get it now, I play a part and do your part to heal or
that you get an insight as to the characteristic. So you go… Okay, now I know a little more clearly what
I’m dealing with in this person or that person, so it’s just healthy and helpful on one level
or another, to have heard. This is my prayer anyway. And my examples, like I said, about how I
write articles or whatever else I… I’ve even gone back and I don’t need you all
to tell me. Michael, you missed on page 12 of the certain
book, you said. I don’t need that, you know, “thank you, but
it would be a bit too much. But I have gone back to articles and things
and change that when I can and that’s because it’s like a healers way of cleaning things
up first checking myself to make sure there’s none of that there… For me preaching or let me tell you, all personal
stories. My books don’t include, I they don’t include
personal stories, and I’ve written books on healing. I could have said I healed from this, I did
this, I written books on sacred sexuality. Could and I experienced this and I… I don’t once I get out of the preface of the
book when I’m introducing the book, I might say I want to thank so… And so, because this was a big part of my
life that helped me come to this topic in a book. That’s where… All some mention it when I break out of that
part of the book, and I hit the introduction. We’re flying, we’re sowing. I don’t do that, I don’t have personal stories
anymore in my books, that’s never been… I never did write that stuff because I always
felt… This is for the folks there when I share and
when I talk and teach, I’ll make personal references here and there. But I love self-observation to make sure I’m
clear and clean and not doing the very things that I’m talking about as much as possible. And you might wanna do that. Remember, self-observation can keep you a
bit cleaner around whether or not you yourself, have traits of narcissism. Okay?

Comments (63)

  1. Thank you michael, all your teachings really help a lot. Very easy to understand.

  2. Thank you love your talks.I believe my hardships with a bipolar man taught me my greatest truths and put me on my spiritual path.I had to otherwise i would stay in hell.Thanks so much for your time and wisdom.

  3. The only thing that's ever worked for me was No Contact with my narcissistic family. I wish them well but have decided that they're far too toxic to be around. If someone insists on remaining in such a relationship, they may be endangering their health and develop a disease like cancer or multiple sclerosis. It doesn't matter if it's a parent or a sibling–if they have this disorder and are abusive, get out and love them from afar.

  4. My son has these issues. I was told also, and tend to believe it now, that in this lifetime he did not commit to love me. This is a very diabolical situation I have been dealing with. It has changed me. It has been very detrimental to me physically and emotionally. I am moving out of the victim mentality though and working hard to stay in my space of gratitude and boundaries. It’s very saddening though. My other child is so pure of heart and has so much empathy- total opposite. His father had some sort of psychological issue(s). We never married and don’t communicate. The father and son are also both very ANGRY and manipulative.
    The only things I have resorted to are Reiki sessions and my own meditations and prayers. I also try to use obsidian to help, lol.
    I weigh about a hundred pounds and this has had a negative impact on my appetite as well. Very difficult to deal with.
    Any advice you can give is very much appreciated. 🙏

  5. And yes! I practice forgiveness in my meditations constantly because he has no awareness- he is oblivious.

    lots of “I”s in my sentences, yes. But no, I have always come from a place of compassion and service to others… pretty sure that’s why I am always so blown away by this behavior.

    Much love~

  6. Now I’m towards the end of your video-
    THANK YOU! I have bashed my self worth quite a bit throughout this lifetime. I AM in the process of “remembering “ who I really am. Trying everyday, to simply love myself…
    Thanks so much, again!

  7. When you know you're with a narcissist, there will come a time when you have no choice but to go and try to cut all contact… no amount of love and acceptance will make your life with them easier. And when they feel you're now centred and standing your ground… they're already looking to disengage from you and find another source of supply

  8. Lovely. Thankyou 🦋

  9. Narcissists don't see a problem that's why they can't be cured.

  10. Thank you for clarifying this topic in such depth, explaining the mythology.
    Your description of hell and our need for punishment was bang on, so was the role we play in a narcissistic relationship,.
    You really do excel in what you do, thanks for sharing so generously your knowledge and expertise.

  11. so helpful Thank You. It makes complete scene

  12. Would like you to make a vid about controllers! 👍 Thanks!

  13. You're right on target asking us to figure out what we have or don't have that gets us hooked up with ppl who have personality disorders. Low self worth, clinical lack of self love, feeling unworthy to set boundaries and enforce them for our own protection (believing) we don't deserve to have them, or that nobody will ever love us if we do (lack of self value ==> disregard for our safety or even believing we deserve mistreatment and misfortune… This is a partial list of attitudes that we hold that allow, indeed _encourage us to set ourselves up for deep and lasting pain. _Setting boundaries helps us clarify issues and identify attitudes that somehow – someday HAVE to be fixed shows us how wonderful it feels to be OK, despite the loneliness.
    Fine tuning, repair, reestablishing & maintaining boundaries helps us feel deserving of honest and healthy love … and respect. It's a helix: If we maintain boundaries we'll become more appreciative, loving, and understanding of ourselves, and DEMAND that we be treated with love and respect… If we don't do this for ourselves; it won't work in our future or even. In our _present…
    Maybe we're all crazy… Who knows?

  14. Nice.. 🙂 Thanks for your look at it.

  15. Hi Michael, happy holy days… hope you read this, and can perhaps help clear something up for me. I have recently just had things thrown into the air with understanding (what George Simon calls) character disturbance and all the spectrum of the different dysfunctions… Simon speaks about how the last 50 years of pop psychology has really had it backwards in understanding a lot of these kinds of personality malfunctions. In the victorian era (freud etc) it was very repressive obviously, and it was really understood that all these neuroses stem from repression, shame, judgment, unconscious wounding etc. This is still true in some cases. But what he has found is that for the extreme cases of personality dysfunction (heavier narcissists, psychopaths, etc.) its not that these people have unconscious wounding and that their personalities are defence mechanisms… its just literally that they think they ARE God, they ARE the centre of the universe, they are actually CONSCIOUS of their manipulative tactics (rather than unconsciously creating scenarios with a LACK OF awareness), and that their problem isn't the unconscious wounding… their problem is that they are just aggressive and will take advantage of everyone and everything to have their way… and we see some of these imbalanced behaviours encouraged in society, things like entitlement and "just DO IT" kinds of things. And the idea that all kids who are bullies are shame based wounded kids… not always true. Some are just aggressive, they have been given what the wanted all the time, they don't take responsibility, and they become the manipulators…

    So it used to be in psychology "never judge", never attack character, because we need to hold space for people to feel safe to explore their wounding… but this does NOT WORK with the deeper narcissistic types. Their character NEEDS to be confronted in a DIRECT and no-nonsense way. The only thing that really works is… the creation of self awareness (or less egocentric awareness, perhaps) through CHANGING BEHAVIOUR, and to have really hardcore tough love boundaries with them. Its a completely different therapeutic methodology, which is why this problem is so rampant now too in the way that MOST therapists CANNOT deal with this problem because they have the COMPLETELY WRONG MINDSET; these assumptions about neurosis being the cause of all dysfunction (NOT true), carried over from the times of the Victorian age, where it was much more true. (And still true for some especially the more codependent types.)

    Im really trying to rectify the problem from a metaphysical standpoint with this… I can see in myself when I have had dysfunctional patterns… for me it is definitely true that I was neurotic and had defence mechanisms and poor patterns as a consequence of deep wounding, abandonment, isolation etc… in THIS way, I can see the philosophy of "forgetting who you are [divine being]", developing healthy shame i.e. HUMILITY, etc…. Can you help me figure out how this 'forgetting' occurs within these more hardcore dysfunctional characters? The problem isn't their shame… its their LACK OF shame, or LACK OF humility. I used to think that of course they are just so ashamed that they have this compensation ego complex, but now it seems this is not the Truth about these really dark beings. I thought that only self doubt and toxic shame creates these egocentric shadows… can only ideas such as past life karma explain this? Organic portals? Ugh, such a minefield 🙁
    Many thanks, Risa.

  16. please do a video for the narcissist! how can a narcisist heal and change and learn to not feel so insecure!

  17. Bless you Michael. Thank you for sharing your spiritual perspective.

  18. Thanks so much for this, it popped up in my feed at the perfect time. Helped me alot. Subscribed! 🙂 cant wait to go through your other videos to learn more from ya

  19. Thankyou for all your work for humanity – I’m so happy that I tuned in, now I can’t tune out,! Bravo. 😎

  20. All the women in my family would get really offended by weird things I did as a child and I just excepted it and it made me insecure and I would try to talk to them in different ways so they wouldn’t get mad I would try to talk differently to be excepted by the ones I loved to not be a bad child scared to be un loved. Nothing made me happy as a child I always wanted more things because nothing satisfied me. Later in life I feel as if Im not really here

  21. I like the “ we “ . Bravo 👏

  22. Shark 🦈 = Narc
    Heal oneself – beyond a bleeding victim so as not to attract the shark 🦈- narc to you. Great 👍 analogy !! Bravo 👏

  23. My narc used silent treatment.
    In that way i learned i to speak.
    I learned how to go back to myself.
    In that way i found out who i am, what is my purpose and i get the answer to my questions.
    Some teachers say cut off but i do reverse. Because i found out that to run away are not the solution.
    Thats why i try it in the way that bring fair justice for both of us. I listen to my guidance inside me.
    It works very well. And i found out that the hard things to do gets much better result.
    I listen to all the teachers either positive or negative because i learned how to decide.
    The highness in me knows about Everything in me. Then i start to trust the decision that cames up in me. I treasured no fear, win or lose i treasured something amazingly and beautiful inside me. I know that im still i process but its really works.
    Im so happy that i found this instruction of my life. Im thankful to all the teachers that i heard. And ofcourse im thankful to my faith.
    My faith is my Everything.
    So thats why i understand what ever faith people have, that is our strength and our EVERYTHING.

  24. Nemesis and Hera were the true definition of self centered?

  25. Narcissistic men hate women, yes they need to deal with mother issues.
    Very angry souls and disconnected .
    Most narcs end up in jail as their self distractive.

  26. Narcs have a demonic spirit look up Jezebel spirit.

  27. Such refreshing information

  28. Morw men are sociopaths , females are narcs. The entitlement and superiority is overlap the rest it depends.. but that is in Both.

  29. On spot on boundary thing… they do not think you have a right to have them.. at all.. that is overlapping through all type 2. As far as appearing Tense only narcs, sociopaths do not, those appear very put together and have no affect.
    And they will always blame others, will never ever consider consciously looking at themselves. Warning: Sociopaths do not talk about themselves, especially at the beginning , they seem very interested in you ( but to know how to manipulate you), then they morph into all that they know you like and want. You never ever really know them , they are chameleons and honestly thats why i fell for a sociopath after a narc..it felt like a breeze of fresh air … boundaries, are the key to keep them away , they get mad over them try to make you guilty for having them, and eventually disappear from your life, its like a holy water to a satan.

  30. IAs I see more about toxic relationships, it's a little disturbing how many folks are pointing the finger and blaming a failed relationship on a "narcissist" . It may be true I don't know and certainly we all get hurt by others deeply but does that mean they are a narcissistic personality or perhaps just incompatible. It's confusing .

  31. Although the topic is serious i have to say your way of explaining is very funny. I finally see my pattern and why I attract narcissistic people and are working on loving and respecting myself. Thank you for the time you put into the videos. 🙏

  32. Thank you so much, this has been very insightful. You are a blessing to the masses dear friend.

  33. . WOW Development of Spiritual Self-Awareness for our advancement…. and for breaking the loop of insanity… cos weve called him selfish then ive learned we are selfish if we label others as such then ive learned gas-lighting and that says, manipulation of people and their environment into believing the loving people have a problem… then ive learned codependency, where it was detailed how many of us have not received healthy validation and thus we look for it outside of ourselves that in a weird way now i understand can came across pushy and abusive too… interestingly it makes me think if we carry wounds and keep receive wounds from "narcissistic" behavior… is where we opened the wrong gates or have not closed gaps, doors, gates… emotions, thoughts… "receptors"… we should have closed…
    cos we as people of god, faith, trust, respect, love, peace, bliss… we know better… we know more…
    we should not soak in pain, in victimization, in self-pity…..
    cos really god can give more than enough power for us to stand up…
    i really had to come to learn that the most self-loving act is many times to say no…
    and i still have to learn a lot about setting healthy boundaries and enforcing them….
    these people are desperate Michael…. you know…. they live very differently united with that god-self… as well as their ego is beyond boosted on steroids… they are real heroes even in their twistedness… they fight for everything they have…. and in fact it is in every one of us once we start pointing us and them as if being different….
    all the empaths crying about narc abuse… me too… still ppl say the narc traits are rubbing off on the victims…. big time…. not just rubbing of… we get immersed in it… we absorb it… fighting to transmute it when we realize weve lost our voice and all we hear is their pain directed at us…
    but we are the same… weve just externalized our inner conflict as ive learned it from you…
    so the only way to resolve it is, yes, growing in self-awareness… simultaneously… giving just as much love acceptance validation respect peace bliss joy hope to them.. it is the same as anger, thinking u drink poison and theyll die… it is the same… i know… we can not … i mean… i can not walk away thinking anything bad of them… and thinking that would help me in my future….. or anyones…

    i think if we are genuine we approach them with much more light…
    ive listened so many content on it… i wish i started here…

    i think if we hold any resentment then we are not fully genuine…. do not love fully…
    and have no right to hold them hostage in our own schizophrenic immature blame-game…
    cos i think it is just one side of the schizoid condition to see and hear things that arent there

    the bigger and much more dangerous side is rather i think when we choose … not to see and not to hear things that are right in front of us…

    the answer to all this for me is, to step more into our power – and draw closer to god, surrender more of our weaknesses, let his power come through… trust him, his power is made perfect in our weakness – developing better and better awareness and communication and relationship with the spirit of his eternal presence… the more we look to him, reflect him, trust him, the more we will understand and have faith in his guidance.. becoming more and more clear vessels, weaker in the ego, stronger in the spirit/divine/life to carry more of god's peace, joy and wisdom

    trust and choose love more
    replace bad habits and thoughts choose better
    choose better you choose better them too….
    Look to God…
    there must be a vision that pulls us…….

  34. these ppl are victims of their bringing up and environments… they need healthy connection………

  35. 45-46:10 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank You Michael, their assaults have no power over me….</3

  36. 56:00 wow yess exactly self-esteem, wholeness, trust in our deservability…

  37. One positive for 45 is bringing this issue front-and-center…for the healing of our mind, of course. 🙂 Good talk.

  38. I love you brother and thank you! <3

  39. I really dont mind if someone is selfish or even self absorbed thats just a boring person but it is the arrogance and manipulation and putdowns and digs and mean judging and doing mean things and mean advise and what they call constructive criticism and how they will go out of their way to treat others nice to show what a good person they are as they are going out of their way to reject and emotionally abuse you in every way. It is the emotional abuse that is so hurtful. That's when you have to decide how much time you can spend with this person if any lf you are always feeling bad when you are with this person then maybe this is not a good situation. Some people don't let this kind of stuff get to them because they are ok with themselves and refuse to let someone bring them down if that's at all possible.

  40. Great messages. Thank you.

  41. My sis d not mild my yungest brother could tell ya some storeys feel bad for him and yungest SIS C and mom who died at her hands

  42. So much overlap between BPD and NPD but I do think BPD (my opinion) self abuse more often, an injured Narcissist can appear to be a BPD. 🙄🙄🙄 That blowing things out of proportion because things are not about them, totally pisses off my parentified inner child. I have to heal that. It's so annoying and stupid to me.

  43. I'm not sure if my parents were Narcissist but the emotional manipulation there, the control freak, seeing me as an extension of them, kind of teaching me to doubt my reality often but it's hard to pin a diagnosis. Just think more along the lines of damaged people.

  44. You barely exist so why are you having emotions, or I haven't given you permission to have emotions! ✔✔✔ Holy crap, check and mate.

  45. That's too much damn work for one person don't you think??? Jeez!

  46. I just call them Narcopath's.

  47. Self Love … when neutralized or resolved, Narcissism can heal in a rare number of cases. Ultimately, every individual must learn to partner with their Inner Essence.

  48. Where do I find a support group? Thank you so much very helpful

  49. Bawhahahahah…. How did i end up in hell????? So true…. Sweet Jesus help me 🙁

  50. Best guidance on the dynamics involved in the dance of a narcissist and a co- dependent I've seen.

  51. Thank you Michael for all your teaching and you helped me in the most difficult time of my life and I thank you for that and now your are helping me with how to cope with Co-decency 🙏🙏🙏

  52. Forgiveness and LOVE are truly superpowers.!! when the ego is attacking you you have the right to stand in your CHRIST given power and speak truth and make the demons flee, we have been given the authority by CHRIST, the only time the ego won’t flee is when your are not in your power which again is love and forgiveness.💙

  53. Thank you – this teaching has blessed my understanding – I know this will be in my file of 'go-to's' so remind me who I am and how to be with the Narcissist in my life. So many thanks

  54. Great 👍 video & info
    Thank you 😊

  55. "Who do you think you are?" is what my narc ex asked when I started standing up for myself after 2 years under his thumb, so I told him "I'm Elizabeth that's who!" turns out Elizabeth is a form of the Hebrew name Elisheva meaning "My God is an oath" or "My God is abundance", yet there I was, dealing with the devil himself who broke me to the point of destitution.

  56. This crazy hippy dude actually makes some sense 😁

  57. Narcissist can’t love impossible he can admire and destroy the person after. I give my 11yrs l learned my husband is narcissist.
    No cure for it unfortunately.!!

  58. So many things resonated with me in many many way. You are appreciated

  59. What about somebody that is so insecure that they create this false sense of confidence? They are aware that they are insecure but they never will admit it.. they don’t ever admit when they’re wrong, never apologize, and do things to purposefully hurt or agitate those that they know love them. They have trouble dealing with emotional situations especially when it comes to communicating how they feel. They care more about their social image rather than the state of their home. For example if their partner is crying because of them their reaction is “stop crying people are going to think it’s because of me”. Would this be a narcissist? Their actions and intentions are not self-love fueled but more so self-hate..

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