Dealing with Financial Abuse? Where to Find and Hide Money to Leave the Narcissist

Dealing with Financial Abuse? Where to Find and Hide Money to Leave the Narcissist

Comments (38)

  1. Hey SPANily! Here is a playlist for overcoming financial abuse in other ways (and with more info on how narcissists use money to control us):

    And here's where to pick up the resources we mention in the video:

  2. I managed to save some money…stupidly I kept it in the house…he discovered my stash after I said I was leaving…the only way I got out of that house safely was by giving him the cut he demanded…and saying that “I just needed a short break and then I’ll be back”…. I lived to remember that day 😅

  3. Oh God I wish I would have seen this 2 years ago!

  4. Every woman should have a secret bank account and the statements now can go to a secret email address only for that account. Back in the day you had to send the statement to your mothers address.

  5. i wish i had an income so i could leave, and so i could pay for 1 on 1 coaching with you. you've already helped a lot with the free public coaching on youtube, but i really could benefit from your experienced mind directly helping me.

  6. So she was scheming behind his back?

  7. omg thank u this is so needed !
    if u don’t have a therapist or coach it’s very overwhelming


  8. OMG where was this video like 2 years ago? This was amazing, especially hearing Debbie's story about how she saved up the funds and the suggestions and resources and ideas she provided were golden. this video is a god send.

    I'm currently in a situation where yes, I'm out and have no contact with my narc father. however he is my payee. long story short, I'm trying to figure out a way to gain control of my funds. if anybody has any suggestions, I'd appreciate it. thank you Angie for this fantastic video and major props to Debbie for sharing her story and talking to you Angie and helping other survivors like myself.

  9. Awesome and needed topic!!!!

  10. Love this!!!! Wonderful!!!!

  11. Wonderful video with great tips on staying safe and saving money for leaving an abusive relationship – thanks so much!! Also, if you’re in Australia you can use the internet for free at your local library to look up websites on saving money and charities for people who are financially struggling. ❤️👍

  12. if you are not working you can go get food stamps . tell them your situation .
    it’s a way to get control over your food

  13. It reminds me of that movie with Julia Roberts. She saved up money on the low to runaway from her psychotic husband. I forgot the name of the movie.

  14. Advice I found really helpful from this video: stick to a financial budget, yard sales, use thrift stores, Salvation Army to find clothes, food or furniture at reduced prices, don’t let the narc see you download apps for saving money onto your mobile phone. Don’t let your narc have access to your phone or email address.

    I also wanted to add that It’s illegal for anyone to know your phone, banking and email passwords, so you have the right to tell your lawyer, bank, social security or police if your narc stole your passwords or hacked into your account, or if your narc threatened to verbally or physically abuse you to get your email password, phone or banking passwords.

    I also appreciated this video’s advice that Cash apps’ details (username, financial details) are saved online and linked to a bank account, so you can delete the app and still pay bills or save money for yourself and your children.

    I liked this video’s advice – don’t leave your money lying around in the narc’s house. Stay safe everyone. ❤️💕

    I really appreciate this video’s advice that Habitat for Humanity gets brand new stuff that is good quality. Thanks very much for this advice, as I’ve worked with survivors of narc abuse.❤️💕

    It’s good to know old cell phones can be sold and recycled. Thanks for your tip on going on website to design websites and make money sounds great.

    Thanks very much for mentioning that the Amazon and Shopify websites have advice on selling things for money. ❤️👍

  15. I got discarded with no warning. I was literally taken out of my home with 2 sheriffs no money, food, clothes or a place to live.

  16. I have no credit cards besides a visa debit card. My score wasn't bad considering I have no credit….. I've been subscribed to transunion plus for a few years just to see my score, however I'm having a hard time getting approved for anything besides crazy cards that only allow you to purchase junk on their websites. Is there a way to establish credit with a REAL credit card, even if I have to put money in the account to cover it? I thought there was a way to do that, but am not finding any luck. 🙁 Sure would be a help to have some form of credit since many renters check. Thanks!

  17. Another tip I got from another video: At your grocery store, buy a gift card every time you do your weekly grocery shopping. It is not as apparent and you’ll have this store credit to spend once you’re out.

  18. Angie i put things in the attic as he never went there under the insulation

  19. Great financial ideas. Also people can check out is another great site for free items

  20. Excellent Excellent video and information! Thanks so much to both of you!

  21. My narc never told me what he made. I find being in control of a mutual marriage, that is a control mechanism. If this lady always brought things in her name as mine did, i thought that was part of narrcistic behavior??

  22. I agree it is imperative to make plans. I know it is scary! The thought of getting caught protecting yourself is very scary. Open up an account open up a PO Box. Put your valuables in safety deposit box. If you do not protect yourself, no one else will. They will leave you standing in the middle of the street standing with nothing if they could. Make sure new bank knows not to send mail to your home address. One step at a time. Leave some clothes at a friends or family. Do what you have to do. Think ahead.

  23. Just keep your money for yourself. Anyone can do that. And keep it a secret.

    Or turn it into gold and silver and hide it. They must never know.


  24. ALL great tips. One thing I cannot suggest more, is that it is better to be (even a little) prepared for when/if…… than for your partner to up & decide to DISCARD your first….. unexpectedly, OR….. to have them figure out your plans to leave & then Double-D…. aka.. Discard to destroy! 26 yrs (since HS) & after being put through the cycle twice, I finally figured out what was going on & started planning. It took me nearly 6 yrs to plan a safe escape. All, while… being sick/disabled… on eggshells… grey-rock'ing…. raising a teenager….. being more & more isolated, smeared…. lied to, manipulated, gaslit, cheated on, ETC. Do not let it get to the point, ladies (or gentleman) where, they figure out your plans & set out to destroy you. Either a) just to hurt you, silence you & win OR… to b)punish. He found my stash, cleared our accounts, took the carS, furniture…. came home one day & he was GONE. Better yet, he ran & literally filed that day for divorce KNOWING I'd now have no way to either get to… or even pay to appear. Meaning, somehow.. (i still don't know how) he got it put through in mere MONTHS (when we didn't go in together? Neat trick, I was told there's a 2 yr separation waiting period, so..?) with NO child support ordered… ZERO alimony ordered… NO pension split… NO health insurance or college fund for our son… ALL things I was rightly entitled to, but… yeah, he knew exactly what he was doing. He ran to my family members/friends saying I had gone crazy, that I was about to let our child starve & get the lights turned off (well, yeah… it will NOW, because he took everything). We, suddenly… had no one & nothing. No way to get TO a store, TO Salvation Army, Food banks, etc. I got one of those cheap/crap brick phones from Straight Talk or whatever & the cheapest $30/mo pre paid plan. Had to walk (w/ 6 ruptured vertebrae) to a tiny store 1/2 mile away, regardless of weather. Slept in an empty apt w/ my son, trying to figure out how we are even going to eat. My ex, since we weren't answering his calls, nothing.. went TOTAL NC decided to try & screw w/ my disability. Didn't work but just when I needed my income most…. spent nearly 2 months w/ it paused/under investigation. Soooo, no income. Once it got started back up again, stayed on a neighbors couch cuz I could no longer afford the rent on where I had lived over 10 yrs (never once even paying late, btw) That, turned out to be a couch, but HELL for both me & our son. Drama filled, drinkers, a teenager who was always in trouble, dogs they neglected… I tried to save every penny of my ridiculously TINY income & tho it took 4 mos…. a long time family friend finally got me to trust him & he talked me into moving by him. Hours away (nice & far from my ex who has been stalking, hoovering, harassing, abusing by proxy, smearing.. still) a small place had come up for rent 7 houses from him. He had like 4 cars, said he would let me use one or take me where I needed to go, for now.. He or I could teach my son to drive.. so he could finish HS (had to pull him out, no way for him to get there OR $ to register, etc) & get a part time job. Said he had a TON of furniture I could use 'until'… Finally put my trust in….. took the leap…………. & haven't heard from him since! =o W…..T…..F….. 3 months now we've been here & in a worse place than we were before. Now, hours away from nearly anything. A long(er) walk to a teeny tiny pricey local grocery… middle of nowhere. Broke, with nothing….. barely able to pay the rent & utilities, let alone the basics. Had no Christmas….. just idk…. depressing. Plan, plan, plan….. & have a back up plan! Be sure you have transportation & $$$… at the very least. OR those you TRUST to help out. A support system, friends family w/ compassion, understanding…. anything….. would have made all the difference. ((HUGS)) Angie & those over on her FB group are the ONLY thing that has gotten me through some really REALLY shitty days this past year! Cant thank you all enough for the time & energy you put into all these videos, replies, groups!!! It DOES change lives & gives hope! xo Here's to 2019 being better.. MUUUUUCH better!

  25. Great focus!!!
    More videos like this, financial abuse and the pink getto effects many of us.

  26. Yaaaaas! People need this video.
    Stay strong folks ✊🏼

  27. Ask around and see if any of your friends need someone to pick up their kids from school, watch for a bit of time, and then take to their place or to an event, visa-versa depending on the schedule, and they can pay you a few bucks a week to do this. And try to make it the same ages as your kids, so it just looks like the kids are hanging out with their friends. I did this for about a year, it gave me just a bit of money, but it helped. Also, in the Philly area, (Bucks County) there is an awesome company called Bucks County Opportunity Council. They help with a lot of these things and help people to learn how to get out of, and STAY out of Poverty. They have classes where they have insensitive to have you come. (gift cards, cash, gifts, toys)They even pay for childcare, for some of these classes. When I first left, I couldnt take my kids. In the beginning, friends were willing to take me and my kids in, during the days I had them. But that didn't always happen, and I still had to pay for somewhere to stay with them, on those days. So in order to save money to have a place to stay with my kids, I lived in my car, by myself, on the opposite days. IT wasn't easy, or fun! But I did it. And I got lots of tips on how to do that, here on Youtube. Just type in "living in my car/van/truck". But then, thank God, I was able to save enough to secure a 1 bedroom place, for me and my 3 kids. Most of the furniture was given to me, when I put out an email about my situation, once i got the place. I also found out which days the "bulk trash" went out in nicer areas. On those days, a friend and I, who had a larger car, would drive around those neighborhoods in the evening, and pick up so many nice items! I got great high quality side tables for my sofa, a really nice book shelf, lamps, TV's I can go on. So, basically, don't be scared to trash pick. Especially in those nice areas. Just a word of warning though. I know it was mentioned a few times but, it is really important to be sure you are not using your personal name, email, text phone numbers. My ex-narc was a Tech/computer expert. And got wind of my plans before I was ready to leave. He went missing with my kids, called Children and youth with fake reports about me, drained my bank account, and with all of the other rumors he had started about me, he was able to convince some of my biggest supports at that time, that I was the problem. In the end, they of course realized what he was doing. But this really did give him a nice advantage, that I haven't been able to catch up on, for almost 10 yrs. So please, be very careful! If you can, get one of those cheep phones from walmart that the number cant go back to you, and you only use it for these purposes! Then get one. But then, NEVER let it ever leave your sight! God Bless!

  28. I just had a talk with a lady who got out of her abuse after financially working toward it for 14 months. And this was right after she finished Cancer treatment! She had some great ideas too! She said to 1. When you go and do your normal grocery shopping while still with the abuser, buy a few things here and there, that you know you will need. Like, food, TPaper, pads, and other things you normally won't get from a food pantry. So don't forget things that make you feel good too! I am sure you will still want, and even need them.. Like hair supplies, and makeup. Pick up gift cards when you can, and don't forget your pets! If they are as important to you as most people, they are like your family. And you will need supplies and food for them. So create a box, somewhere innocuous. And label it something he/she will never go into. And start your stash. But don't only stash things you purchase. Start slowly putting away old pictures and memorabilia that you want, and think he/she may not let you take. If they are half yours, you are entitled to half! This is one of the things I regret not fighting more for. I constantly ask/ed for pictures. He gave me what HE felt I should have. Even though I took the majority of the pictures, and he just keeps them stashed in a box in the basement. And trust me, looking at the pictures I have of our 3 kids, you wouldn't even be able to tell I was their mom, and their main caregiver, for all of those years.

  29. Omg sams TP is top notch

  30. Thank you, Debbie and Angie! My car got really tired during my 2 years with an exploitive narc boyfriend. I am safely back at my own home, and I am going to do a budget! Watch this again. Quit overspending on who-knows-what and save to fix or buy a new car!

  31. Im taking money out of my bank account and hiding it in my favorite book. He'll never find it!😂

  32. God bless you Debbie for sharing your story and thank you so much Angie for your dedication to this channel! Thank God for people who give back to the community by sharing their stories and tips.

  33. When my former narc boss had me suspended from work every couple of weeks for a year, and I only had two months in between suspensions.

    I did my main food shop at the dollar store. Plus my not eating meat or dairy also helped make food shoping a lot cheaper.

    I buy lots of pasta/dry foods, and can goods for cheap thanks to the dollar store.

    And the cookbook Pretty Darn Quick for Vegan and Vegetarian cooking helped a ton. Since I did not need to buy any fancy ingredients like tofu or fake meats.

  34. No friends, no family shelters are impossible to reserve aka me easy victim for narc spouse and i have a child so childcare is impossible bcuz job i have is a night job primarily aka 2p -9p and night time childcare in this state is expensive, unqualified and or not being monitored smdh 😣😯😢

  35. Some employers have options to have a portion of your paycheck deposited into a separate account. I used to have 10% go to a savings and the rest into the joint account. A year later you’ll be amazed at what’s in there. There is an app you can become a dog walker, or even sell your hair.

  36. Just as I’ve been planning my “running away” my budget…💋

  37. Wow!! This is amazing!! ❤❤❤

  38. How to tell a narcissist mother to stop calling your boss/ secretary? Starting to become harassment… Please help!!!

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