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Dealing With a Sexless Marriage

Dealing With a Sexless Marriage


Welcome to Let’s Get Real. The show that
tells the truth about Love, Sex and Relationships. This program is for mature adults only. Watch at your own risk as the truth can
have life-changing consequences. This show does not give advice. The information
provided is accurate to the best of our knowledge. The opinion stated are those
of the persons speaking. And the truth, well, the only truth that matters is
your own. For more information visit www.gettingreal.tv . Viewer discretion is advised. Now here’s your hosts, David and Darlene
Steele from Relationship Coaching Institute. Welcome to Let’s Get Real! Today’s episode is about, dealing with a sexless marriage. Joseph from Montana writes, I’ve been married for twenty years and my wife
and I haven’t made love in over eight years. She says we’re not connected. What does that mean? One time we went hiking together and she
said she felt slightly more connected to me that day, but not enough for sex. We don’t even kiss anymore except a
quick peck on occasion. I miss my wife and can’t believe our
sex life is over. It breaks my heart. Joseph, it breaks our heart too. That eight years is a long time to go in a sexless marriage. I can see how, that’s difficult. You’re a very patient man maybe a little
bit too patient so we’d like to talk to you about that and also about connection. What the different kinds of connection
are. And why is it that that a hike really didn’t do it for your wife. So, first Joseph, we’d like to share with you our two year rule. And this is for anybody watching this
video, anybody who has a problem and is feeling stuck. If you’re stuck in this problem for two years, it’s time to get help. It’s time to do something different. It’s time to stop pretending that it’s
going to take care of itself or that you can fix it all by yourself. If you are stuck for two years or at least
two years then please, do get help. Chances are this is more
than you can handle on your own. So Joseph your wife is giving you a very
clear message, that she needs connection, in order to feel in the mood for sex
with you, and she hasn’t felt connected with you for eight years. It’d be nice to know what happened for her? What changed? I’ve been married for twenty years and then all of a sudden the twelve years into the marriage, you know she’s not feeling connected anymore.
Why is it that I have a feeling that it wasn’t a you know one day, it stopped. Right, if something changed for her or
something change in your relationship and it would be really nice to know what that is, so I could give you some clues. But, assuming that this is correct, that if her connection needs were met then, the sex would happen. What does she mean by connection? We get that you’re confused about that. A lot of people are confused about that. So, you’re a woman darling, why don’t you speak of this? Really Joseph, it is kind of confusing because people
do get connected after a couple hour hike. You can get connected to somebody you accidentally, just randomly met on that hike. You know you’re sharing a same experience. At that moment in time, those two people, any two people can
feel a connection in a moment. We are connected right now. But that’s very much different than that deep connection that people want in a relationship and what really
needs to happen especially for women to you know, really feel attracted in a
sexual way. So what do women need or what does your wife need? We know that there are some different types of connection. At the very least there’s Emotional, Physical and Spiritual. Emotional connection is in my opinion what you need to feel loved. Your wife might want to feel loved by you and love with you in order to feel connected enough to
have sex with you. Another type of connection is Physical. Chances are that’s not what’s working
here for your wife but sometimes women do like you know more non-sexual touch and affection. That is non-sexual in order to feel close
to you and they need to feel like every
single time you touch them it’s not that you want something. That you have an agenda for sex, and then Spiritual connection, it’s about feeling connected even when you’re not
physically present. It’s about feeling connected in your life and your life purpose and sort of that you’re both on this planet for a reason
and that you might even be soulmates or there’s a higher purpose or
reason for you being here and you can often feel spiritually connected
for example when you have a shared mission. Like when you have kids together, and you know that these are your kids, this is your family and you are spiritually connected all
the time and the kids connect you and your mission and purpose of having that family together connects you. Or if you work together. If you just share
lifestyle together. You enjoyed the same kind of
movies together. So there’s lots of things that
spiritually can connect you. So it would be nice to know what kind of
connection your wife really wants, really needs, is feeling like its missing, so that then you can have a conversation
and do something about it. I’m gonna guess it’s all three. The other consideration here is that after twenty years and eight years with no sex, there has been a habit established. You have now a pattern of interacting in your marriage. This pattern is a habit, and it’s really hard to change habits. There’s a certain amount of inertia that goes along with that. So to change that habit requires a
momentous amount of energy and it’s entrenched and you guys are
stuck, and it is quite possible to change a habit and
overcome inertia on your own. But realize that’s probably one of the best
reasons for getting some outside support because the intervention from the outside can help both of you clear the logjam and get over the hump
or whatever metaphor you want to use, So that you can start breaking that habit and
changing that habit and establish some new habits that will
work better for you in your relationship. We want to offer you some strategies to consider. The first one is just SHIFTING YOUR ATTITUDE. So, and this might seem a little bit like we’re putting the burden on you but, instead of focusing on not
having sex and the fact that you’re not having sex, can you turn it around and kind of focus on what you do really love and
appreciate about your wife? If you want her to feel loved and connected, it’s going to be from you focusing on how much you love her and appreciate her, not in what you’re not getting in the
relationship and how it is not working for you. So oftentimes a relationship can be
totally turned around, by stop focusing on the problems and what’s
not working and focus on the love and the appreciation and the connection and what does work for you. And then, we highly recommend and this is true for any relationship especially yours but, multiple times a day is express your love and appreciation in small ways. This can be with a shoulder rub. This can be with getting her a cup of coffee, rubbing her feet, telling her that you love her, just
looking at her lovingly, you know there’s so many things, just getting the paper for her. There’s so many, taking out
the garbage without being asked. You know just so many ways, multiple times a day even if you’re busy,
even if you have hours apart from working or whatever. There’s so many ways multiple times a
day that you can express your love and appreciation in small ways. And also we highly recommend what we
call The Platinum Rule. So The platinum Rule says, Do unto others as they want to be done too. This applies here because your wife has needs and if her needs are met she’s gonna feel connected. You’re not quite sure what they are, so we need
to find out what they are and meet those needs in ways that work
for her. So what does she need and work with her on getting those needs met. When you make that your mission and as a guy I know that we have a job to do and we take it seriously. Okay, so make this your mission to figure
out her needs are, talk to her about them. Experiment and try different things. Really work at it, and then when your wife feels safe and she feels that you really love and
care about her, that you’re working hard to meet her needs, then she will feel loved. Then she will feel connected, and then you can work on the sex part. So we also recommend that you use the
Sixty Forty Rule, and that says that sixty percent of the time, sixty percent of the time I’m going to work on making you happy. Only Sixty? And Forty percent of the time that I’m gonna make sure my needs are met. And I do the same thing. So sixty percent of my energy is going to be about making
you happy, and forty percent of my energy will go into what my needs are and taking care of them making sure that they’re met in this relationship. When both partners are doing that, when both partners prioritize the other
ones happiness just a little bit more. You don’t want to ignore your own needs So, that’s why we call it the Sixty Forty Rule. When both partners are prioritizing
the other partners happiness, I can tell you from personal experience
it feels really good, and it works really well. So that’s something that you can do and
you can practice in your relationship, even talk with her about it. That really only works, or it really works well IF both partners are willing to do that because you definitely don’t want to be in a
long-term relationship with you giving and giving and giving and
not receiving something back. But the forty percent of that of your energy that you’ll put into getting
your own needs met can be about talking with your wife about what your needs are and working with her
to get them met. Then sixty percent of your energy will be getting her needs. So, we highly recommend that you focus on Intimacy before Sex. Intimacy means closeness and connection and
conversation and physical closeness you know all the
things that you want. All the things that your wife wants and needs, and intimacy includes sex but it is more than sex. Much more than sex and we tend to need intimacy in order to
enjoy sex in the long term. So when you think about it, if you have
sex without intimacy, yeah you can get your animalistic needs met but over time, it won’t feel fulfilling. Intimacy really is the key to a
fulfilling relationship and in a fulfilling sexual relationship. So we highly recommend that you learn a bit about intimacy and you work in increasing intimacy with your wife and we have a great program for that. We call radical intimacy. We highly recommend you check that out
and take a take a look at it and use those strategies to develop the closeness and be able to tell the truth to each
other and create an intimate, close emotional relationship that will then result in intimate
close physical relationship. And so things that you might want to try now is to introduce a physical affection but not foreplay. Introduce some physical affection but not something that’s going to feel like you’re trying to get her in bed because you know clearly she’s not
ready for that. So what kinds of things could
you try? I mean there is so much. You could just hold her hand. Maybe hold her hand while walking down the street. Non-sexual, Put your arm around her. Nonsexual kind of hug or neck rubs or anything like that. Something so that your physical contact with her doesn’t feel like you’re just trying to
get her in bed. Because right now it doesn’t sound like
that’s gonna feel good for her. Women love this stuff but they
hate it if they think your doing it with an agenda to try to have
sex with her. There’s so many things you can do to introduce physical affection in your relationship,
and you want it to be all the time. You want it to be constant. If it’s just you know every once in a
blue moon then that’s, you’re not going to be very close
physically. But when you are close physically and you have your arm around her and your
holding hands and you’re physically close, that creates intimacy as well. And you do little physical affectionate things
like you know straightening her hair. Pick the lint off her. As she allows you inside her physical space, then actually that’ll help create better
connection between you two. Don’t forget hugs. You know everybody needs a hug and the more you hug, the healthier you are, the happier you are. That certainly
counts in a marriage. I’d really make sure though that, this physical kind of affection is welcomed by her. If you are trying to hold her hand or give her a neck rub or something like that and she’s kind of backing off. Or, if not feeling good to her then it’s gonna
actually I think do harm and not be helpful. Right, and use your words, and say “is this okay?” Talk about it, and let her know why are you doing this. I mean she might feel confused or suspicious. Let her know that you saw a video
that recommended that one way to increase closeness in your relationship
and connection, which is what she wants, is to increase physical affection. And again Joseph, please. It’s been eight years. your way passed our two-year rule. So get help. Do not try to do this on your own. There’s a tremendous amount of inertia in this relationship right now. These
patterns are habits now. It’s going to be really hard to change on your own so outside intervention will help you. It’s like get a team on your
side, don’t do this by yourself. So if you have an idea, a suggestion or a comment for
Joseph, please enter it in the comment box below and lets help him connect once again to his wife. And please do remember that telling the truth has
consequences. It’s the only way to have a really
fulfilling relationship. But not all relationships can handle the truth. So if this is your situation, please do get the support you need from a qualified therapist, counselor, or coach. No one is successful alone. And just a little bit of support can go a long way in helping you live happily ever after. Thanks for watching and bye for now! Yes, we’re connected right now. You’ve been watching Let’s Gets Real. The
show that tells the truth about Love, Sex and Relationship. For more information, more episodes and to join the free
Getting Real Club, visit www.gettingreal.tv May you live the life you love with the love of your life.

Comments (100)

  1. After listening very carefully to the above video, the gentleman about whom they are speaking whom has had a sexless marriage for 8 years.  Well, either you like to be hurt that way in a relationship, or if not, you need to see a divorce attorney, quickly, and stop wasting your life.  Time is the one thing you cannot have more of in this life, and to have wasted 8 years in being unhappy is 6 years too long, based on the 2 year rule mentioned in this video !

  2. i saw that old bitch on an ameture porn jank, dude was turning her out she let 10 dude nut on her face

  3. 4:44 Does punching count?

  4. My husband cheated on me. I lived a lie for years unknowingly. The thought of having sex with him makes me want to PUKE. A specially after he's been with others. No thanks….

  5. Sex for males is more than about intimacy.. studies have shown it is also healthy for his reproductive system. So if you're not having sex and you want to increase his chance of getting prostate cancer and ending up impotent, well then you're on the right track. Ladies, this is why men cheat.

  6. I am eight months pregnant. My SO and I have not had sexual relations in two months. It is breaking my heart. Maybe sex shouldn't be so important to me, but it is the only thing that makes me feel useful or validated, and other than food, my only stress easer. I have been eating a lot more junk food now, when I used to try to abstain from it. Sigh. Maybe after I have the baby his interest will resume…. I am terrified of it becoming an ingrained habit.

  7. OMG!!! WHAT TERRIBLE ADVICE!!! I BELIEVE THIS IS REFLECTED IN ALL THE SARCASTIC COMMENTS BELOW!
    I CAN IMAGINE THIS COUPLE ARE SITTING THERE THINKING WHY DO WE STILL HAVE LESS THAN 1000 SUB'S!!
    TELLING THE GUY TO WORK ON HIS ATTITUDE!!! WOW!
    PLEASE! STOP PATRONIZING THE THE GUY BY TELLING HIM HE NEEDS TO DO MORE FOR HER TO FEEL LOVED, SAFE AND SECURE!
    IF SOME ONE IS NOT FEELING SAFE AND SECURE WITH THE PERSON THEY MARRIED 12 YEARS AGO I DON'T THINK ANYTHING WILL MAKE THAT PERSON FEEL SAFE AND LOVED!
    I HAVE A SNEAKING SUSPICION THAT THE HIKE THAT THE COUPLE WENT ON WAS THE WIFE'S SUGGESTION! AND HIS WAS TO MAKE AN EFFORT TO MAKE HER FEEL LOVED AND APPRECIATED! BUT SHE HAD TO SHOW HER POWER AND CONTROL BUT SAYING AFTER THAT SHE STILL FEELS THAT HE IS NOT WORTHY OF SEXUAL INTIMACY!!! DAMN!!! THIS WOMAN IS ON A SERIOUS POWER TRIP AND THE FACT THAT THE ABOVE COUPLE FAIL TO IDENTIFY THIS SHOWS WHY THEY ARE NOT ADEQUATE TO BE GIVING MARRIAGE AND RELATIONSHIP ADVICE!!!

    WHY IS IT THAT OFTEN MEN SAY IN OUR CULTURE THAT "IT IS OUR MISSION TO FIND HER (PERCEIVED) 'NEEDS' AND TO TALK TO HER ABOUT THEM"!?!?!?!?!?!? WHY HAVE I NEVER HEARD WOMEN TALK LIKE THIS TO MAKE IT THEIR "MISSION" TO MAKE THEIR PARTNERS HAPPY AND SATISFIED!!! (9:18)

    INCREASE NON-SEXUAL PHYSICAL AFFECTION!!! WHAT RUBBISH!!! AFTER 12 YEARS OF MARRIAGE YOU WANT HIM TO ALL OF A SUDDEN INCREASE HUGS AND HAND HOLDING!!! WOMEN ARE NOT STUPID! THEY KNOW YOU ARE DOING THIS BECAUSE YOU FEEL SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO THEM!! DRY HUMPING HER WILL NOT REMEDY HIS SEXUAL APPETITE OR MAKE HER FEEL SPECIAL OR WANTED BECAUSE BY THE SOUND OF THE QUESTION THE WIFE IS NOT AN INTIMATE PERSON AND IN FACT I WOULD GO AS FAR AS SAYING THAT THE WIFE IN QUESTION IS RATHER DIFFICULT AND STUBBORN TO PUT IT POLITELY!(14:10)

    IT WAS NOT MY ORIGINAL INTENTION TO WRITE SUCH A LONG COMMENT/CRITICISM HOW EVER THE MORE OF THIS VIDEO I CONTINUED TO WATCH THE MORE IT MADE MY BLOOD BOIL AND THE MORE I GET PUT OF THE IDEA OF GETTING MARRIED!!

  8. Re-posted for public clarity:

    I really do appreciate your understanding of the male/female dynamic, and of course, the social contract of marriage must seem like a blanket announcement of consent for all time. I would venture that if I woman were sick, vomiting or convulsing, this would not be an appropriate time for such consent to have sway. Consent then can be seen as contingent on health. But, let's do take up your insight of stonewalling and holding back as form of sexual control…..

    While the traditional way of looking at things has been that the wife is owned by the husband, we can further analyze that relationship in its historic manifestation. She is seen as property. This works well for men, who may have worked women to death as we saw in the days of the Puritans who often had wives who died young, and increasingly older men who were able to marry again, usually younger women. Again this works well for the guys. But, I want to take up your sensitivity to dominance. Men, real men, control through respect, a point you bring up, and thus they are dominated by their women who do not respect them, I find this a fairly factual way to look at it, and where I would take the discussion is back to the marriage vows, which are the legal documents of the marriage.

    What has he signed on to do and what has she signed up for? These are the legally binding rules they have created in their marriage contract. If they change the rules from the standard, that is their right. A contract is a contract. Thus, contracts can be seen as points of negotiation, which then brings into process the need for ongoing renewals or commitments. People renew their vows, update them, and re-negotiate the policies in place in the contract. And, in truth, this happens every single day. We recommit in every phase of our lives every single day. So, that a woman may find herself feeling in need of further contract negotiations, by her withholding sex, is not out of the question. Is it the most effective form of communication, I think not. Likewise, a man who feels unable to meet his duty as a husband might see obligatory sex as not being a part of his contract. He withholds. Sexlessness is not all that clear. Is it grounds for divorce? Is that what is meant by irreconcilable differences? Is this alienation of affection?

    By our opening up all the doors, what we find is that some people would say, as you have, once you have promised sex, you must allow it…others would say that without consent at each meeting, the sex would be considered rape. But your point, if the man is weak and not forcing her to have sex, he is not dominant, and therefore she is doming from the bottom to force him into, goad him into, forcing her; as logical as that might seem, perhaps the contract might be observed. Perhaps she needs someone she can respect and will submit to. She must take responsibility herself for her own contract. Consensual non-consent is still consent. If she wants to be taken, then she must align herself with a primal who will do the job. That is a shared responsibility. We might equally say that a woman who is too dominate, an alpha, needs to pick a mate who can dominate her, and so she needs that. Maybe that man needs a much more submissive female. And he owns that. All things being equal, men are not equal in dominance, and women are not equal in submissiveness. Back to the contract. Know what you are getting into. Take responsibility of where you are. if you want other than what you have, do not blame others when you yourself need different. IMHO. Dominance and submission are their own kind of chemistry. It is a science, and an art.

  9. "pick some lint off her" wow this guy has got game, lol. I kid, she's a cutie I'm sure they have great sex 🙂

  10. Isn't this normal?

  11. C'mon,folks! Who WORKS at passion?? When passion is gone,it's GONE!
    The only question to ask here is: "Am I better off with or without him or her?"

  12. it is hard to find advice on how to help a husband want more sex especially when he says with sincerity and that he does not know what is wrong

  13. While 'Romantic' relationships baffle and repulse me, even I find it ridiculous as to why couples divorce just because they don't have intimate relations. Intimate relations are just for the release of Dopamine, which people stupidly call 'Love'. People must be dangerously addicted to intimate relations if they are making this big a deal out of it.

  14. Never gonna get married or have kids. Seems fucking horrible.

  15. I love everything my fiance do for me. we love each other. we both work! we both have children from other relationships/marriage I'm 51 he's 48 I'm at menopausal/hysterectomy. He's been married before. I've never been married. and I've been used for sex from age 1 to 36 I'm asexual he's heterosexual. what happened to marriage striving companionship/partnership along with UNDERSTANDING! BROKEN PEOPLE NEEDS THE SAME Stuff UNBROKEN PEOPLE gets/have/has NONE OF US ARE PERFECT!

  16. who wants to wait 2 yrs for sex that's insane …..

  17. 2 year rule? XD XD XD
    No sex? no attention/affection, don’t waste time making yourself her slave and pandering her every need, treat your marriage like any other business transaction something for something ells, think with your head your heart will lead you astray.

  18. נחיכצייתמנע ץל

  19. 8 years hell naw I'd been cheated on her

  20. Fellas: Cant you see the BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG picture? Heres a red pill.. Or a blue pill I dunno. "There is NO advantage for a man to be married…" Stay single and get all the pooon yta neeed. Ya might as well stayed single. Now youre a slave. Marriage = Slavery. Fellas: You cant relax. You cant scrtatch and bealch and fart and smoke weed and Play Sony 360 Box or drink beer without some kind of sassNPooP mouth. If your single you can be what you wanna be. Just find somebody to Hokey Pokey with once a week and be HAAAAAAAAAAAPPY. She has her place. You have yours. Dont get married if you dont know what youre doing. PLEASE!

  21. hell we have only been married 18 months he was shy at first but now i am starting to thing he is too trained by his prior wife yes we are 53 each but damn !!!??

  22. Easy. Get the kids a baby sitter or let them sleep over Grandma's house. Then get drunk and have sex. Problem solved.

  23. I have been with boyfriend for a year and a half, he has never touched my vagina!, however he always wants me to go down on him. The really hurtful part is that I found out the day that he was with a woman before me and in his own written words "wanted to eat her beautiful pussy again".  I have been thinking that maybe he was insecure about pleasing me, well needless to say I was wrong about that.. He says he wants to marry me and he loves me, I don't see it, if he cant make love to me or care if I feel good then there is no point.. I just wish I knew why he is like this with me.. I want to ask him but he is a hard person to talk to, gets upset easily and I am so tired of arguing or fighting.. Any ideas on what could be the problem?

  24. once the fuckin stops thats when the lovin stops.

  25. Come on over here. I'll pump you up!

  26. I just fuck my husband when he's asleep and talk to females for my emotional needs.

  27. Seriously. If they could invent a drug that would make women desire sex more this wouldn't be so much of a problem. Why does this not exist yet?

  28. almost 2 and a half years for me and my wife. I am about to leave her.

  29. I'll tell you why women lose that desire from their husbands: It's because the husbands aren't ATTRACED to their wives anymore. What else could it be? So when men aren't attracted they start acting strange, indifferent and just plain boring towards the wife.

  30. this is al parte of sodomite homosexual agenda.

  31. every woman I've ever known incl my mother are emotionally retarded they live in lala land and think life is a fairy tale and expect men to be their knight in shining armour they are all immature when it comes to relationships modern day men are over relationships I'd rather jerk off or pay a hooker no strings and no emotional bull shit

  32. Want to know the real cause of sexless marriage? One word: Settling. Yes, we need to be real about this and stop pretending it isn't happening. There are plenty of folks willing to date and marry someone they're NOT sexually attracted to, and that's why male/female relations are in such a mess. Settling is a major factor behind many ills, such as high divorce rates, sexless marriages, unstable relationships, cheating, game playing, and neurotic/demanding behavior. If we want to find a happy and HEALTHY relationship, we have to know how to weed out the settlers.

  33. Never EVER GET MARRIED!
    Fuck that!

  34. Good advice guys.

  35. …sometimes I'm just not interested anymore… for long periods of time. Been a couple of years now… guess it's a problem.

  36. I literally gave up and personally don't care about it no more, so therefore I withhold all intimacy and affection in the relationship we can just be roommates as far as I'm concerned, I'm just now being for the first time in my life really comfortable with it without no resentment towards her, I'm going to be focus on me and me only period.

  37. If you have to kiss her ass to get some, it isn't worth the effort. There is simply no way that she is interested in it.

  38. Women who are Married Christians are frigid. No sex in 6+ years but she claims she is a Christian woman that follows Jesus. She has become a fat donut eating frump. I'm at my wits end trying to be a loving husband. It's just insanity.

  39. This is her excuse: "I'm too fat to have sex"

    So change that. …

    Response: it's too difficult.

    Me 😧

  40. 6 years marriage.no sex I am happy.husband work hard always tired . I wish I never had sex in my entire life. If husband not interested on sex only focus on work and future let them do. Husband have only 1 inch d*** no sex feeling nothing. Better for away from sex. I sleep with my small baby husband sleep seperate room. We like eachother.i am shocked when I heard news men’s wants sex wants a week or everyday. I thought men’s have sex once a year.

  41. She wants free rent… easy

  42. Why is it rhe mans fault?! BULLSHIT!!!

  43. Joseph it's time to leave that bitch and take everything shame her make her feel like a piece of shit marriage is a social contract she didn't live up to her end of the deal plain and simple take the car house kids leave her with nothing make her start over what she's doing is abuse

  44. stop listening to this spiritual connection bulshit and start acting like a man cheat on her or leave her those are the only two legal options

  45. The guy should have sent that bitch down the road

  46. 2 years? You get a divorce. Someone is getting it somewhere else.

  47. I'm in a sexless marriage so what I do is cheat whenever possible.ive slept with 14 girls and been married for 5 years..i do the lions share of responsibilities at home,sucks that I'm not exactly living the righteous ways of a good father to a child I love more than than anything☹ but mommy is horrible at making daddy happy.divorce is a terrible solution but it's better than being dead sooner than later.

  48. I don't like this video.

  49. Ok 29 female now in sexless marriage for last 3 years and tried everything to convince my husband to understand with what im going through. Don't know how long i have to go

  50. SHE MEANS YOU DONT TURN HER ON.

  51. It makes more sense for each person in the relationship to make THEMSELVES happy and therefore both of them will be better for each other in the relationship. Why should your spouse be responsible for your happiness when you are very capable of it yourself?

  52. I don't care if he sleeps with someone else. I have no interest in sex with him or anybody else. Sex bores me to death

  53. She sounds like she was probably more "connected" to his wallet than his penis. Typical woman.

  54. Just get a girlfriend or boyfriend on the side…funny how sex doesn't mean shit until its from someone else…

  55. I hope you don't marry for sex because your sex drive will diminish over the years. I know it would be boring to have a sexless marriage but if you can talk about anything with your partner and still continue communicating with each other as you get older, I think you can work with any dilemmas you're experiencing with your marriage.

  56. Of all of the comments on here NOT 1 person on here paid attention to the one word stated in this video. . . ."Pattern". Thats the BIGGEST thing in ANY relationship or marriage itself. Change your "PATTERN". Afterall, U do know how to change your password when U have trouble logging into your several accounts, right? Commit to doing the same thing in your marriage or your boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. Change your "Pattern".

  57. i masturbate in my sexless marriage and I'm happy with that.

  58. I'm the women who wants sex 20 times a day. my husband doesn't want it because he suffers from depression and hes opposite of me. hes not like normal guys im horny all the time

  59. If she doesn't put out, get out.

  60. My husband is to old for sex n i'm trying to stay with him because we got married n he is very good man..But have to stay sexless.n i'm still young so what must i do??

  61. Keeping unstable creatures in your house is not a joke women r natural self how can u make someone happy is impossible u got to be happy with your self relationship my ass

  62. With respect……… If I may……. A majority of mens testosteroned  brains are wired for lust, Loving, loyalty and excitement….that's why shamefully the percentage of males have affairs……they want their cake and also eat it.  Women however, again with respect….. do a dam good job bringing up the children alone and at home isolated…….. Just a thought…….would it be more shrewder for women to adopt a far more similar lustfull and exciting approach in getting what they want love and sex wise in return………

  63. This is generic advice and is bad.

  64. Bad breath is starting point to put someone off

  65. Why he has to waste more years with this woman who has no loved for him. He already wasted 8 years. These feminists only talking about women needs and nobody is talking about the abuse of maritial relationship by putting her husband in this situation

  66. What a ducking joke!!

  67. She doesn't want to talk about it.

  68. Connection mean you’re not bring home the bacon 🥓 sir ! Don’t waste your time , there are plenty of women that need and crave passionate love !

  69. Less than once a week is a sexless marriage, IMHO.

  70. gettingreakaboutlove, why is such a thing as a woman refusing to fulfill a vow & basic component of the marriage, namely sexual intimacy, always the man's fault in the minds of you type of folk? You've just painted your whole "advice" as pretty much useless!
    You ought to consider 1 Corinthians 7 along with a passage in Hebrews which says, "If it be possible, as much as lieth within you, live at peace with all men [i.e. 'human beings,' not just 'males']." You are assuming that the woman in this instance you are addressing is a reasonable & non-malicious person. The closest you came to reality was when your wife said that one definitely doesn't want to be in a relationship in which they are constantly giving & trying to fix the relationship.
    The Almighty Himself who created our bodies & instituted marriage intended & yet intends for it to be sexually fulfilling & for sexual intimacy itself to be the bonding agent. But, of course, as should be expected of Satan who opposes everything good, he encourages humans to have as much sex as they want to when not married & with as many sexual partners as they want to & then, when they get married, to either be on one hand celibate or on the other hand still promiscuous & some even agreeing with each other to have an "open marriage," meaning the spouse can have sex with whoever he or she wants & if the other person of the marriage wants to do the same, then permission granted. And there is such a thing as retroactive adultery, a thing that is possible to occur in persons who have had sexual partners before marriage & who are actually still yearning for & fantasizing about one or more of the sexual partners they had before marriage & perhaps even really prefer other than who he or she actually married.
    These things are madness & intended by Satan to cause havoc, heartache, & destruction! Yet, incredibly, many comply with his plans.
    So, yeah, don't assume that it is always the man's fault, which insults & further victimizes the victim man who is not really at fault.
    And what if your "advice" doesn't work for this fellow "Joseph," I think you said his name is? What if the woman he is married to refuses to yield to his further efforts that he could've been trying before? What if she reluctantly agrees to even go to counselling but just decides that she is not going yield & basically obey what the Lord Almighty Himself expects to be performed in a marriage? What's your "advice" for this guy then?
    And, by the way, you do know that there are men who have been accused of rape or attempted rape just because they approached their wives for sexual intercourse? Furthermore, you are aware that there are some women (& women are more notorious for this than men) who use refusal to have sexual intimacy as a means of manipulating & even inflicting injury to their husbands, no? If you're going to assume, you would do well to incorporate these possibilities into your assumption.
    If you all are as fulfilled in your marriage as you both seem to exhibit, good for you! That's the way it should be! But, unfortunately, this is not the case for everyone, even for the ones who at times declare, "We are celebrating our anniversary today of our [multiple decades long] marriage!", & there are indeed marriages that are experiencing this endtime prophecy's fulfillment : "And a man's [i.e. 'a person of either gender'] enemies shall be those of his [again, in the 'non-gender-specific sense,' i.e. 'referring to either gender'] own household." This latter scenario, of course, is even true of the marriage relationship wherein one is saved like by being saved after marriage but the spouse isn't desirous of becoming a Christian, too, & therefore there is conflict. Or perhaps both were born again, but one is intent on backsliding & so there will be conflict. But, yeah, all these scenarios are of the real world.
    Anyway, all the best. You likely mean well, but consider the facts I presented to you to better hone your approach.

  71. A person that can withhold affection from their spouse for long periods of time is malignantly self centered. I doubt little touches are going to override her selfishness. Until she wants to work on the problem It’s probably not going to change.

  72. went through the same thing. was honest with her and said I was going to cheat if she was not going to change. she did not.  I moved on. best move I ever made.

  73. Why is it that women before marriage will do shit to a man that you won't do to a farm animal, but the week after she clamps her legs shut and says I'm done

  74. Women are the ones who usually stop having sex. Why the illustration of the frustrated womanzd?

  75. fake ass women all they need is money and back blown out

  76. I'm in a sexless marriage. So I started banging the step daughter who lives with us and is 20 years old.

  77. I'm done "dealing" with a sexless marriage. Not a good time for a divorce right now but if this keeps up for the next several months I'm absolutely done. Enough is enough.

  78. 53 and no kids and never been married and SO GLAD.  I know so many men that are married and miserable.  The wives are frigid and look like shit because they have no self respect for their appearance and the men, if you have young kids, will face financial ruin if they leave.  Guys, get a sidechick.  It will be put a smile on your face that your fat frigid wife won`t understand.  As a friend of mine told his teenage son…your penis is a liability, not an asset.  Be very careful what you do with it.

  79. Nearly all relationships end up in one of these conditions;
    1. separation/divorce due to unmet expectations, over 70% female initiation.
    2. Really long term relationships/marriages (long term = 20 years plus), end up in a platonic state.
    So the conclusion is this; “THE ONLY WINNING MOVE IS NOT TO PLAY.”

  80. Its more likely that the lack of "connection" is merely an excuse on her part so that she doesn't have to put out.

  81. Social media killed my marriage 3 years ago. Wife bought a smart phone and lost any intrest she may have had in sex. When you add constant negative comments and name calling, going out to the bar 2 or 3 nites a week, mixed with constant drama and sticking your nose in other peoples bussiness, there is not much time for sex. Show me a woman that hates the effects of social media as much as i do, who walks with her head up and is even remotely friendly, and you will have my undivided attention. I'm looking for the woman that can be a team player, not one that is nothing more than a bitchin ball and chain thats stuck in the past. I can never undo my yesterdays, but i can improve my tomorrows. I cannot do anything about anybody else's past. That is up to them. I do miss the sex life that i had before the i do.

  82. Theres no dealing with a sex less marraige. You leave and get out. I was there for 22 years. Left 10 years ago. Best thing i ever did. Have never looked back. Still single and having a great time.

  83. 8 years, I can't do 8 days.. 🙁

  84. Turn off the supply of resources. May be when she is not connected to your money she may revisit her feelings.

  85. Kudos for the Video! Apologies for chiming in, I would love your thoughts. Have you heard the talk about – Millawdon Varied Nights Trick (do a google search)? It is a great exclusive guide for learning intimate questions to make your relationship stronger minus the normal expense. Ive heard some incredible things about it and my friend finally got cool results with it.

  86. Most womens "G" spot lays between her ear lobes
    Men could open up and maybe the woman would too??

  87. I rather die than beg for it lol . its so petty to have to beg for sex. I get it maybe once a month . so far its been about 5 weeks and Im like meh whatever . i made a move the other night and she wasnt having it. so then she turned around and wanted it and im like nope im good.My turn to be spiteful LMAO

  88. Sexless bondage protected by a marriage license. Part of the reason men get married is so they don't have to chase a woman for sex anymore. The only reason it is sexless is that one person has to be really selfish to put their partner through it. I can tell you if a woman starts an affair — they are on sexual fire again making it a point to please her lover — so it's her.

  89. I'm 47, I've never been married. If I was in a relationship where the sex stopped, I would just leave.

  90. Holy cow?! Connect by watching movies and a walk in the park? That's how you connect to collegues, not to your partner. My advise: start with sex. If that does not work, all other things are a waste of time. If the woman wants a spiritual connection without sex, she's at the wrong address. Try a lesbian relation…

  91. I’m currently having this same issue I’ve been married for 12 years I’ve lost attraction for my husband since I had my son 5 years ago also put on weight I don’t feel sexy anymore really been feeling stressed and depressed so I just don’t have the desire for sex mentally I’m always tired and when he touches my I get instantly annoyed 😑

  92. This video is bullshit. A spouse, not meeting their spouse's sexual needs at all, for years…much less not doing so with love & enthusiasm…is SELFISH ! CRAZY. IT'S waaaay beyond the husband having to be loving & woeing.
    The 2 hosts here, DON'T GET THAT MANY WIVES DON'T GIVE A CRAP, ABOUT their husband's needs. & that marriage counselling has a 75% failure rate. * The wife in this story, said she didn't feel connected enough for sex. She didn't say she wanted more connection. A good spouse WANTS to ENJOY SEX TOGETHER. Otherwise, you're just roommates.

  93. So basically it's the mans fault. Ridiculous!

  94. Never heard a truer word

  95. Sexless marriage? Pack and go. Save your life as well as your partners'.

  96. That 60 /40 rule would be nice if I could get her to do it. Its more like 95 / 5 in my house. She does house chores and works part time but thats about it. I work 2 jobs, help with house chores as well, and still have to do ALL communication and attempts at any affection.

    After 10 years of this I have basically given up. Ive made all the changes while she hasn't changed at all.

  97. What's so funny to her?

  98. I’m heartbroken , and I want to stop bagging for it. I don’t think my wife loves me anymore, and I can’t keep loving her anymore. She didn’t give me a fuck. If we don’t have kids, I’ll leave tomorrow

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