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Dealing With A Difficult Sibling

Dealing With A Difficult Sibling


– Hello hello hello my friends. Kaitlyn here. And, do you have any siblings? Is it a hunky-dory happy sibling bond? Or do you sometimes
struggle with wanting to, you know, murder your siblings? Let’s talk about dealing
with difficult siblings. (upbeat electronic music) So this video comes from
a subscriber question and Anonymous had this to say: How would you deal with an
entitled, anger-prone sibling? Long story short is that I
feel hurt by his behavior but I’m tired of being the one to try and teach him to be more gentle. I’ve tried to share so
much of myself with him but what I get back is spiteful
retorts and perhaps worse, disregard for my perspective and feelings. So this question felt
particularly pertinent because I also have a pretty
difficult relationship with my brother. It’s not something that I talk about a lot or have really given advice on before, in part because it’s still something that I’m figuring out how to deal with. There’s this one really
old video on my channel where I talk about the time
that he tried to murder me in my sleep, with a giant steak knife. Or it might’ve been a,
like fire-poking rod, just some sort of weapon he
shouldn’t have had. (laughs) So yeah, you can watch that
if you want to a better idea of what my relationship
with my brother was like when we were kids. But I also don’t talk
about it because you know, my parents, my family, watch my videos and it’s kind of a touchy subject. So, just a warning now, family, (laughs) maybe don’t watch this video. And then I also don’t want my brother to watch and then be offended by
something I were to say. Oh my gosh. The lighting in this
video is gonna be nuts. Sorry guys. I guess there’s like
clouds or something, geez. But what I’ve found is that a lot of times when siblings don’t get along, some of what makes it seem
more difficult is this feeling that you are so different from one another and that you can’t understand
each other’s perspective, and that one or both of
you isn’t even trying to understand the other’s perspective. The key realization here
is that my brother and I are not all that different. We’re actually scarily similar and the reason we have
trouble getting along is because we’re dealing
very similar issues we have in very different ways. Like, we’re both perfectionists and have varying levels of OCD. And while I’m the type of perfectionist that will beat myself up until I can make whatever
I’m doing perfect, he’s more of a failure
oriented perfectionist, where if he feels like he’s going to fail, then why even try? Do see how that could be a problem? Like, we’re going to try to solve problems and deal with differing stressors that come from being in a family together in very different ways
and usually not have a lot of patience for one another or our differing viewpoints. Why don’t you get it? What’s wrong with you? Why are you like this? Those are the kinds of refrains we have in arguments with one another. So I’ll be super honest that I don’t have a lot of an answer in
terms of how best to deal with a sibling you
struggle to get along with, especially when you feel
like you’re doing everything in your power to be kind or understanding or meet them halfway somewhere. One thing I’ve had to accept
is that you are in charge of the people that you invest
your time and energy in. And though sometimes it
seems like with family, we’re required to invest time with them, we’re actually not. Like obviously if you’re younger and living with your sibling
that is a bit more difficult because you’re not entirely in charge of who do and don’t interact
with in your household. But just as a thought going forward, you can back away
from your relationship with your sibling as much
as needed or possible. Like, if they are angry
or cruel or manipulative, you know, a toxic person, you don’t have to engage with them any more than is necessary. That’s kind of what I’ve done, especially with moving
away from my hometown so that I’m not really part of this constant drama that
surrounds my brother a lot of the time anymore, and that’s been really good for me. Though I do feel sad because I’d like to have a
closer relationship with him. Like, especially as
our parents grow older, I feel like having a close
bond with your sibling is really important. But at least for the time being, it’s better for my mental
health to kinda keep a distance. So yeah, that’s kind of the best advice I have at the moment. Like, obviously, try to be patient with them. Don’t let them goad you into anger or to matching their cruelty back at them, because that just gives
them fodder for the future and allows them to play this victim card back at both you and your parents. It’s just not good and a lot of times you
have to learn the hard way that that’s what happening. If nothing else, I’m really sorry that you’re having to deal with this and that you don’t have the
kind of happy sibling love that a lot media portrays. I know it can make you
feel like you’re broken or your family is broken, but you now, I think a lot of people actually deal with difficult families,
so you’re not alone. Jumping off of that,
for the question today, I want to know how you have dealt with your siblings in the past. Like, is everything great? Have there been difficult times? Have you had to cut
people out of your life in order to stay sane? I just wonder if by sharing the different kind of family
experiences we’ve had, we can help Anonymous feel
a little bit less alone. Thanks again for the subscriber question. If you have your own question or video topic that you’d like to submit, then just leave me a comment down below or fill out this super
easy form on my website. And as always, remember
that you can check me out on these other social media sites and if you haven’t already,
don’t forget to subscribe and hit that notification bell so you know the moment
there’s a new video. And I’ll see you guys, oh,
ow, holy cow that hurt. That was a bad decision. And I’ll see you guys next Thursday. Bye. (laughs) (upbeat electronic music)

Comments (3)

  1. I feel like I was the “difficult” sibling growing up. As a child, I had a lot of anxiety issues that often lead to emotional meltdowns, which caused my parents to fight (because they did not know how to help me) and my brother to go hide in his room. Our relationship, now that we are older, is great though! I know that I am very blessed.

  2. My sister and me fought like cat and dog when we were younger (she's 5 years older than me) but when I turned 11 years old, everything changed. We suddenly became very close and stayed that way. However, in 2008, just after we'd lost Mum, my sister emigrated to Florida (I'm in the UK).

    I was lost. I suddenly found myself with no family (Dad died 3 years before Mum). It took me a long time to start to get my head around what had happened. I was very messed up for a long time.

    A couple of years ago she came back to visit me for a fortnight and much was done to make things better. We'd been in touch via email since she emigrated but it's obviously not the same when someone you love is effectively reduced to lines of text on a screen.

    Last year I went over to Florida to see her and had an amazing time. We're making a point of seeing each other at least every couple of years and she's planning to come back to the UK either this year or next. We're both a lot happier now we've got this to look forward to.

    I've inadvertantly made my sister sound like the villain of the piece who just upped and offed but like most things in life, it wasn't as simple as that. A relationship and long planning to emigrate (since long before Mum even became ill) were involved.

    We're in touch daily via email but now it's different. Now, my sister isn't just text on a screen, she's that same person I always knew and loved and although we're 4,500-ish miles apart for now, I feel closer to her than I have for years.

  3. This is helpful. I agree completely for ones own sake limiting ones relationship with a difficult family member is best

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