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Dating after 50: Understanding and Dealing with Dating Rejection. Are Men and Women Different?

Dating after 50: Understanding and Dealing with Dating Rejection. Are Men and Women Different?


you know if I had a man say that to me
I’d be like oh my god you’re real this means I can talk to you about my
emotions Bing Bing Bing Bing Bing that’s a huge thing that women want to know
right there so you’re already off to a good start thanks so much for tuning in again to
our second act with Paige and Silke for your second act of life hi again Silke
hello Paige Paige today we want to return our talk to relationships and one
topic that always comes up is dating rejection especially when you’re out in
this dating scene after 50 and you know we’ve done a lot of focus on women you
know women tend to voice that more readily at least I think than men do but
you just brought up to me that just this morning you dealt with one of your
clients on this let’s talk about that let’s talk about really look at how men
are affected by rejection maybe how they show it differently so let’s just put a
caveat here so we don’t get nasty comments that I’m coming off of my
experience with men and their work with me so what I have seen with the men that
I work with with dating rejection is they go to a place of anger because it’s
easier for a man’s brain to go to a place of anger because I go back to you
know as boys this population was never taught there’s other emotions besides
anger so what really lies underneath the anger you know when there’s this dating
rejection and you know so we kind of break it down to find out what it’s
about and it’s about embarrassment it’s about shame it’s about not being enough
it’s about being alone so when you break it all down
men and women are feeling a lot of the same things when they’re getting
rejected and they’re just showing it differently
so when you’re trying to go on a date and you’re carrying this this like you
know luggage of anger that bleeds out and a person can sense and feel it but
here’s something interesting and I had one of my men do this and I said look
you got to be authentic and real who cares if she doesn’t like your realness
because you want to be with somebody who you can be real with start out with look
this has been hard for me I feel a little embarrassed that
haven’t been in a relationship I’m dealing with emotions around that but I
want to just be honest with you that if you’re sensing something from me I’m a
little nervous about this and these are the reasons why how refreshing to have
somebody say that this is what I’m going through that’s a great icebreaker
because guess what the woman across the table from you is like holy crap I’m
going through the same thing so if you’re open and honest and vulnerable
and real and authentic more times than not that works because that’s what’s
behind the rejections does that make sense silt’e oh it makes it much great
sense and it’s funny that you use the word icebreaker because I was just
thinking that what a great icebreaker that would be I mean you don’t want to
come off as pathetic you know like oh well you know it I mean that says I know
that’s not what you’re saying because it is real and and you know being honest oh
gosh you know it’s so hard to date after 50 this whole rejection thing and I come
in with like you know being really nervous about it and being embarrassed
so if you’re sensing something from me I’m just kind of getting my feet wet you
know if I had a man say that’s me I’d be like oh my god you’re real
this means I can talk to you about my emotions Bing Bing Bing Bing Bing that’s
a huge thing that women want to know right there so you’re already off to a
good start but it’s it’s men being comfortable with something that they
were never taught with in our generation and that’s like the rub oh you know what
do I do you know how do I say it and it’s okay and I always say to them it’s
all right if you look messy when you’re doing it this is not about being perfect
life it’s about messiness so no I I do I really that I like that I’ve never
thought about just coming right out and saying that I mean I mean as you know
I’d online date it and it is I I have fun I’m glad I’m not doing it anymore but yeah the rejection is all but you
always worry about getting rejected I think you know why do you really worry
about it you know how can you take that stress off of you or at least minimize
it a little bit to where it just doesn’t you know just doesn’t flatten you out
well good question Silke so when we’re fear when we have this feel
oh gosh came and speak we have this fear of being rejected you know yes it can be
about did something happen in your past marriage a relationship that gave you
the message that you weren’t enough in X amount of ways and then if you dig even
deeper than that you know where throughout your life have things shown
up as a kid 20s 30s 40s wherever where you felt rejected that you just pushed
it aside into your little like garbage pail and and you know it got bigger and
bigger bigger and you never dealt with where did this really come from so you
know I like to deal with the root because if you deal with the root that
means you can go into dating and go hey this is who I am if it doesn’t work for
you it’s not so much about I’m being
rejected it’s about we’re not on the same page we came into each other’s life
to help each other for certain reasons highlight certain things but we weren’t
meant to be together and okay that’s fine so it’s it’s looking back as far as
where does rejection come from and kind of reframing it so it doesn’t become a
limiting belief and it doesn’t become this thing that takes you over where
you’re like screw it I’m not going a date because men are like this or women
are like this because the only person that you’re pissing off and the only
person that’s that you’re hurting is yourself yeah that’s true and and also
when it comes specially when it comes to dating and starting to date again it’s
you know at what point in the process are you quote being rejected
you know if it’s because you sent an online email and it didn’t get answered
you don’t even know if that was received you know and yeah and until you actually
meet face-to-face you know I tell people when we talk about this you’re not
really being rejected because nobody knows you it’s not you that’s being
rejected is it god knows what it is you know might be somebody who didn’t pay
their membership and can only you know there they’re listed and all these
little games these sites play but these but they don’t respond because they have I
mean there’s so many things yeah so I try to tell people that don’t just rule
all that out you know and then I won’t go ahead
that’s those are great points and that goes back to what’s really causing the
rejection because what you just said is is completely right on point
and then you know with the millennial groups how they talk about the ghosting
it’s going on in our generation too so everyone is dealing with ghosting and if
someone just kind of drops off let them drop off because guess what we’re not 20
anymore and you don’t have 20 years to want to bring somebody into your life so
someone ghosts look at it as great that’s another thing that I don’t have
to spend my energy and time with someone who can’t be present who can’t be
authentic who can’t be real with me so just a little note about ghosting with
that and how to deal with that yeah well and it’s and we understand that is
easier said than done however it that is what what ultimately needs to happen you
know for you to move on in and not take it so personally and believe me I’m
probably one of the the ones that does take stuff like that personally so I get
it we all do yeah the the other thing I
guess is you know once once you do start dating then then it’s not really so much
rejection as it is whether or not it’s working out you know so I guess in your
in your opinion Paige when we talk about rejection is that be you know at what
point are you rejected and at what point is it just you know you’re not meant to be
together is there a difference well yeah and it all it’s all individual because
like I said you’re carrying baggage from where does the rejection in your life
come from that you’re still bringing with you you have to be able to clarify
and break down okay the person that I’m dating and we don’t make it or it
doesn’t work out is it rejection from that person or am i bringing in my past
and it’s really about that and I’m just putting it on you that you rejected me
and I’m this and I met so you really have to know yourself and go within and
deal with your stuff and know okay I’m bringing this baggage in and this is
about that this isn’t about you and I that you know what we were together for
what we needed to be together for I learned from
you you learned from me maybe we had some good times maybe we didn’t but I’m
going to move on and this is where the spiritual journey comes in from soul to
soul so you have to really look at what are you bringing in from the past that
you’re blurring the lines in the present so you can figure out which is which
because one can trigger another big time well we’re coming to the end again so
let’s let’s wrap it up I mean I I loved your point you know that just be
authentic that we all men or women you know come to this first date whatever do
this with trepidation and why not admit to it Paige your last words just admit to
it just be honest and authentic if that other person can’t take your honesty and
your authenticity do you really want to be with someone like that if you can’t
be your full self at this age and this time in my life think about it and who
knows may just be that the Icebreaker you need well with that we’ll see you
next time on our second act with Paige and Silke for your second act of life
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Comments (6)

  1. Men have many dating options over 50. Women have far fewer. The last thing men need to appear is weak. Weakness has never appealed to women. Not at 20 and not at 50

  2. Authenticity be real. I think that shows true confidence. Thanks Ladies! Great stuff!

  3. It's easy to feel rejected on dating apps when you send tons of messages and get few replies. But whether it's on-line or in person, you can avoid feeling rejected by not being outcome oriented. I send a message when I want to. I don't get upset by a lack of a response. I go out when I want to. I don't get upset if the person I invited didn't add to my night.

    As for opening up, being vulnerable, whatever, women like strength and self-confidence. Confidence can be expressed in vulnerability or self-deprecating humor. But beyond some level, be it a man or a woman, it feels negative, pathetic, and manipulative. Like adding to a message "It was hard for me to write this and I bet you won't respond, probably because I'm (whatever)."

  4. If I woman turns me down then it is her loss I know me but I don't know her

  5. You ladies are so smart. Silke, you are right. You can't take the rejection seriously. A lot of men (and women) aren't self aware enough to even know what they need in a relationship. There could be a million reasons why someone rejects you and most of them are NOT YOUR FAULT. I wish more people would be authentic when dating. And figure out what they need, not what they want in a perfect world. I believe a lot of men who've never been married aren't being realistic about their needs. They might be looking for a woman who doesn't even exist.

  6. I am new here and I know this is a terrible question, do men really want women over 50?? I always feel like their eyes are truly on the younger women. Sorry for the question. 😖

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