[Howard]Well, good morning and thank all of
you for getting up for what for some of you is an ungodly hour week and coming to an eight
o’clock workshop. I think by the end of it you’ll find it was worth getting up early
and coming on in. What I’m gonna talk about today is not important
to you in your daily lives. You live in a different setting, in a different world. But
when you get into the business world you’re going to find yourself in situations where
you don’t know these things it’s going to hurt you in your job, it’s going to hurt you
in your advancement to your job. I just gave you a quiz. And the reason why I gave you
the quiz is because I know that you don’t know what you don’t know. I don’t expect that
you would be able to answer half of the questions on that quiz, and I’m not be giving you all
the answers. At the end of the workshop we’re gonna go over the answers in this quiz. But
the real purpose of giving it to you is: these are the kinds of things that over time you
should learn. You should learn the proper way to greet people. You should learn who
goes first when you are going down an escalator. You should learn who goes first when the maÓtre
d’ is taking you to your dinner table. Those are the kinds of things that are important,
they are little things but they’re important. So, before you leave, pick up this handout
here which is called “Proper Table Settings”. It’s something that you can refer to before
you go to a business luncheon or a business dinner; because you are not gonna retain everything
that we talk about today. What is Etiquette? Anybody got an answer for that?
[Student] Proper table manners. [Howard] There you go, that’s one. What does
the dictionary call it? “The conduct or procedure required by good breeding or prescribed by
authority to be observed in social or official life”.
Now that’s just a bunch of words. I’m not sure that that means a whole lot to any of
us, but this should: the practical definition is that etiquette has to do with good manners.
It’s not so much our own good manners but making other people feel comfortable by the
way we behave, feel comfortable by the way we behave, and that’s important. It’s important
particularly in the career field when you’re looking for a job or when you’re in the job
and you’re looking for advancement because if your boss or the person who you’re interviewing
with doesn’t feel comfortable with your behavior they’re not going to hire you or you’re not
going to get that promotion if they don’t think that you can sit down with a client
without embarrassing your boss or embarrassing your employer, one: you are either not gonna
get hired if you’re on an interview, or two: you not gonna get that promotion, you’re not
going to be included in the business luncheons with the rest of the people. It’s going to
be an obstacle to your career. So, what we want to do is go over some of the basics.
First rule in business: don’t embarrass your employer or your boss by your behavior.
Why is it important? It’s important for getting that job, it’s important for career advancement.
Your diploma, which you worked so hard here to get for four years or five years or six
years, that’s going to get you an interview once you graduate, but it isn’t going to get
you the job. Believe me, that gets you I the door to meet somebody, but isn’t gonna get
you the job. And as I said before when you’re in mid-career, a lack of knowledge in etiquette
can hold you back in your career. I think one of the things that young people need do
is they need to project forward, and not think about their lives as they are today or as
they are going to be when the first get on the job but think about the possibilities
of where you’re gonna go over time, who you might meet. Right? And who’s going to employ
you when and where that might take you both geographically as well as career-wise. I will
tell you that when I was your age I had no idea where life would take me, no idea at
all and it’s taken me places where knowing etiquette was absolutely essential. And, like
you, I had to learn a lot of it as I went. I had to do research; I had to learn it because
I didn’t have a lot of the basic skills. It’s important because of invitations: if you want
to be included in social events, you want to be included in business functions you better
know this stuff. And it’s important for entertaining, both business and social. It’s important that
you know how to be a good guest and it’s important that you know how to be a good host. It’s
important if you’re going to entertain at your house you’ll need to know, and particularly
if you are going to invite somebody over from your company, or a business associate, maybe
your boss and your boss’ spouse. You’re gonna need to know how to set a table, right? You’re
going to need to know basic manners. When is it important? I believe it’s important
all the time. In your daily life here it’s not important to you because of just you’re
in college, but it wouldn’t hurt for you to start practicing some of this things. It’s
important on the job, it’s important when you’re networking in a professional environment,
it’s important in social situations, and it’s important in your personal relationships,
and as you get older you will find that manners is important in your personal relationships,
with your family, with your spouse, with your children, with your significant other – whoever
happens to be. If you don’t have basic manners that relationship isn’t gonna last.
Some etiquette considerations: Your image, your social skills, your office etiquette,
your dining etiquette, your sensitivity to norm and the awareness of the differences,
because regionally there are differences, nationally there are differences, an internationally,
in this international world that we live in there are cultural differences. In Europe,
there’s the European way to hold your knife and fork and eat, then there’s the American
way to hold a knife and fork and eat, and which hand you use to put the food in your
mouth – there are cultural differences. You don’t have to worry about that today, and
you’re not gonna have to worry about that in the near future, but just be aware that
there are cultural differences where you go, and particularly if you’re traveling to Asia,
or Latin America, or South Asia there are gonna be significant differences and before
you travel there you should read what those differences are going to be.
What we are going to cover today is image, basic image issues, social skills, basic office
etiquette, and dining etiquette and we’re probably spending most of the time on dinning
etiquette. What is image? Image’s dress, it’s how you dress professionally; image is behavior,
and image is the attitude that you bring to the work environment. Attitude, not unimportant.
Attitude is something that people pick up on. How do you look? What is an appropriate
dress? Well, it depends on the situation. I’ve got four pictures up here, let me ask
you this: of these four pictures, which one do the people look the most professional or
the dressiest? [Student] Top left.
[Howard] Why? Why do they look dressier than the people in the top right?
[Student] Color, it’s a black suit. [Howard] One other thing.
[Student]The contrast. [Howard] Yes, that’s not what I was thinking
on, but that’s absolutely true. [Student] They are models.
[Howard] yeah, they look professional, don’t they? Well, it’s because their clothes are
tailored. These clothes are tailored to fit these two people perfectly as opposed to the
upper right where they’re not cut so tailored. I mean they’re not unattractive, they’re not
professional but they’re clothes are less tailored looking and they’re more muted colors.
In dress, business versus business casual: we need to understand the rules there. Some
people say business dressy, business formal, but if you get an invitation and it says:
business attire, it’s talking about a suit. It’s talking about a suit and tie for the
men, and the equivalent for the women. A general rule is: dress for the occasion. Don’t show
up at an outdoor party, on a patio or around a pool on a business suit when everybody else
is going to be wearing a business casual, one kind or another. So, dress for the occasion!
Make sure your clothes are tailored for you. Don’t show up looking like you have your big
brother’s clothes on or your little sister’s clothes on. Make sure that your clothes look
like you bought them for you. If you’ve gained a lot of weight, or lost a lot of weight,
have your clothes tailored. Make sure your clothes are maintained in a professional environment.
By that I mean if they’re not missing buttons or snaps, they’re not torn, they are not wrinkled,
and they look like you care about how you close look.
Accessories, what are accessories? Watch is an accessory. What else?
[Student] Jewelry, necklaces, earrings, cufflinksÖ [Howard] Yeah. Watch the accessories! Be in
good taste. If you’re going for an interview don’t overdo, be modest. A watch, a ring,
and earrings, that’s fine. Maybe a necklace, maybe a small broche but don’t go in dripping
in jewelry, don’t go in dripping in gold. Don’t go in with your piercings in your nose,
your tongue. For an interview take those out, when you get on the job see how other people
are dressed, see what kind of accessories they wear, and conform. Conform to what the
norm is. And guys, I gotta ask you this: do you know where your waist is? That’s right
around your belly button; it’s above your hips. When I see guys, particularly older
guys here at college walking around with their pants down around their butts, what goes through
my mind is “that guy is immature, that guy’s still in high school mentally”. That’ll hurt
you! That will hurt! If that’s where you wear your pants, grow up! Because you’ll be going
out there interviewing and you’ll be going out there into the business world and, trust
me, in the business world they don’t wear their pants around their butt, with the underwear
showing. Grooming, you guys all know what grooming
is? When I say “you guys” I’m talking about the ladies too.
[Student] Shave. [Howard] Well, if you’re gonna wear facial
hair, make sure it’s well trimmed, that you look like you keep it up, if you’re gonna
have a mustache. Shave! That’s right. Make sure your nails are clean, your hair is done,
like you run a comb or a brush through it, you’ve had a haircut. That’s grooming. And
cleanliness, above all. Yeah? [Student]What about in the case of a long-haired
man, as far as tying it back or anything like that is concerned?
[Howard] I’ll answer that in two ways. One, it really depends on the environment that
you’re going into. If you’re gonna and interview for a job in an investment bank, for an accounting
firm, you probably ought to think about going in with short hair. if you’re going to interview
for a job at a small privately held company that is in the manufacturing business, you
might want to do a little investigation before you go in there, but it’s probably less important.
Long hair is an accepted part of society, on a man, and in the right environment. The
investment banking world is not one of them, unless you establish yourself as a top notch,
firecracker investment banker. Somebody that’s pulling in big, big bucks for the company,
believe me you can dress any way you want. Trust me. If you’re making the company, through
your contacts, through your smarts, through your deal making ability, if you’re working
from Goldman Sachs and you’re making them one hundred million dollars a year in fees
and you’re making twenty million dollars a year in bonuses, they don’t care what you
look like. Just keep on producing. Body language: this is an important part of
the etiquette. People don’t think about that when they think of etiquette, but it is an
important part. Posture, when you’re trying to make an impression on somebody, what should
your posture be? Straight and tall, even if you are not a tall person, standing up straight.
How about walk? What do you think of when you see somebody that just kind of.. going
across the crosswalk, when they’re walking down the sidewalk, and they are walking like
this.. [Student] They are not so confident. They
don’t care. [Howard] Yeah. They are not confident, they
don’t have any place to go, they are not in a hurry, they don’t have a purpose and that’s
the word I’m looking for. When you walk, make sure when you enter a room, that you are standing
straight and tall and you walk like you have a purpose for being there. You’re not just
meandering around. Walk with purpose! And your attitude should be that you’re confident,
but you’re approachable. Always have a friendly look on your face, always have a posture that
makes you approachable so people will come up and talk to you, or they won’t back up
when you go talk to them. [Student] wouldn’t that be humility? Because
when I think of approachable I think of humility [Howard] Well, I don’t think of humility,
I think more of a friendly smile, an open stance. This is not approachable: I got my
arms crossed over my chest, I got my head tilted, I’m not smiling, I’m looking like
“I dare ya”, right? Or I don’t wanna talk to anybody. But if you’re standing there like
this, your arms are in a friendly position, that’s approachable. If you’re smiling you
look friendly, that’s approachable. How’s your behavior? Is it mature and professional?
When you get in an environment where you don’t know the people, or you’re networking, or
you’re going for an interview, is your behavior mature? Is it professional? Is it friendly
and open? Do you observe common courtesies? Give me an example of a common courtesy.
[Student] Holding the door for someone! [Howard] Okay, holding the door for someone,
yeah. What else? [Student] When you are passing by someone
and they drop something, pick it up for them. [Howard] Okay. How about saying “please” and
“thank you”, and “you’re welcome”? Those are works that in many places, to a large degree
in our society aren’t used very much. How about “hello, my name isÖ”? It’s common courtesy.
What do I mean by know your place? Anybody? [Student] Understand your role around authority
and subordinates. [Howard]Understanding your role around authority
and subordinates. If you’re the new person on the team, don’t go in and try to monopolize
the conversation. Don’t be overbearing. Listen. And in your speech, this is what I call using
“adult talk”. Be aware of your sentence structure in your use of words to make sure you use
the correct word, both written and when you are talking. For instance, look it up the
word “ensure”. One spelled e-n- s-u-r-e, one spelled i-n-s-u-r-,e one of the most frequent
mistakes I see on paper is the incorrect use of those words. You ensure that something
doesn’t happen- that’s ñen, -in is what happens after something happens, for instance you
get paid money if there’s an accident, that’s insurance. Annunciation and volume, speak
clearly to make sure that whomever you’re talking to in a networking event can understand
you. Enunciate your words, that means generally speaking a little more slowly, annunciate.
And watch your volume that’s part of getting somebody to understand you, but also if you’re
too loud you become overbearing, and that’s hard for some people to moderate that because
they are naturally loud, they have, naturally, a big voice but be careful that when you’re
in a networking environment that you moderate that big voice so that you’re not over talking
other people. In the business world, if you’re gonna talk about something, you know your
stuff. Don’t try to BS people. And speak like an adult in your language, get rid of the
you knows and the likes. “You know, like, I went to a movie, and like, it was a great
movie, and you know Ö” Get rid of that stuff, speak like an adult. How’s your attitude?
All of you have good attitude, you got up early and you are here!
Self-esteem: it’s an important part of how you come across to people. But beware of coming
across as being arrogant. It’s good to have high self-esteem, but beware of coming across
as being arrogant because it turns people off. Confidence: if you’re a naturally shy
person or nervous person, train yourself to overcome that. When you go into a room and
you’re networking with people, or you go sit in front of the boss’s desk, overcome your
shyness; train yourself that is something that you can train. Come across as positive
and motivated, come across as having passion for what you’re doing and that usually is
in the form of enthusiasm. Be open to change and make sure you come across as being a team
player. Social Skills: Proper introductions and the
handshake is important, conversational skills or small talk, and common courtesies. Let’s
talk about how you make a good first impression on somebody, because remember the old saying,
“You only get one chance to make a first impression”! How you look is important, and we already
talked about image and being dressed appropriately and being groomed. The one thing I didn’t
talk about there was make up for you ladies. Make sure you don’t overdo the makeup in a
professional setting. How you act is important: professional, again that word approachable,
sincere, and with a positive attitude. And what you do is important: proper handshake
and believe it or not it’s important and we’ll spend some time on that. Be aware of someone’s
personal space needs. If you walk up to somebody and they start backing up, it means you just
invaded their personal space. Give them a little more space, and to most people it’s
about a foot and a half; a half to three feet, but some people need a little more personal
space around them. Eye contact: whenever you’re meeting somebody,
talking to them, maintain eye contact. If you’re gonna shake hands with them, look them
in the eye when you shake hands. Use a person’s name frequently in the conversation. It will
do two things: one, it makes them think that you really care about who they are, and two,
it helps you to remember who this person is, and associate the name with the face for later
use. And listen! But don’t just listen with your ears, listen with your eyes. Be observant!
When somebody is talking to you watch their facial expressions as they talk. Do they really
mean what they’re saying or are they thinking of something else?
Proper handshake: Has anybody ever been instructed on proper handshake? What were you taught?
[Student] Firm, not too hard. [Howard] Yeah, anything else? Take a guess,
what else goes into a proper handshake? We will go over the rules.
[Student] The amount of time that you shake the hand
[Howard] Okay, that’s one of them, the amount of time. What else? “How long” or the amount
of time, but that’s also measured in another way.
[Student] whether you are shaking a female’s or a male’s hand?
[Howard] Yes, it is. The general rule is a firm handshake, like she said. But what’s
firm to “that old lady back there” might seem pretty timid to the big guy back there, and
vice versa so.. yes? [Student] I guess it depends culturally, whether
or not you bow or something like that.. [Howard] Yeah, that gets into the different
cultural aspects of what etiquette is, but you’re absolutely right, in some places you
don’t shake hands, and in some places if you stick out your hand they’ll look at you like
“we don’t do that here”! Well, eye contact is obviously an important part of it. You
walk up to somebody, you shake hand, you look them in the eye. Firm, but painless! You guys
don’t get in this contest of who can crush whose hand. Firm, but don’t try to.. If you
squeeze too hard you can hurt somebody. It lasts about three seconds, between two and
five pumps. Don’t just stand there and go like this the whole time you’re talking. It
starts and stops crisply, you shake somebody’s hand then it’s done and it doesn’t continue
through the entire introduction. Always made with the right hand, unless you’re incapacitated
or the other person’s incapacitated then it’s perfectly OK to either shake with your left
hand or to use your left and shake their right hand. It’s perfectly fine, if you’ve broken
your hand or something, or they have some kind of injury for impairment it’s perfectly
fine. Be aware that some people are uncomfortable shaking hands and they will want it to end
just as quickly as possible, they’ll let you know that. You walk up to shake their hand
and they’ll pull it away just after right after you touch it. They are uncomfortable
whether it’s for germs or whatnot they are just not comfortable with the process. And
there’re other things, if you go into sales there are other things you should know about
a handshake. I didn’t study it very much but I was told about it. I’ve never been in sales,
except in the investment banking sense, to be selling a deal or something. But where
the personal sticks they’re hand out can tell a lot about their personality. If I remember
the rules right – I’m not sure I do, but you can look it up. If it’s a low handshake it
says that they’re probably kind of a timid person; if it’s a high handshake I forget
really what that means, but if it’s a straight out of the waist kind of handshake they probably
have a more aggressive type of personality. Anyway, look that up I forget what that is
and what those rules are, but there are there rules that salespeople use to moderate their
pitch, when they’re talking to people. There are a lot of body language rules and I don’t
want to try to go into it because I am not an expert at it. one of them, if you are in
sales is, and part of this can be used in interviewing too is that you mimic the person’s
posture that’s sitting across from you: if they’re leaning back in their chair with their
legs crossed, lean back in your chair and cross your legs. If they are sitting forward
with their hands on the table, sit forward with your hands on the table. If they go like
this, well do something similar. It, for some reason, makes the sale process more successful.
[Student] The idea behind that is people like people who are like them.
[Howard] Are you asking that or saying that? [Student] I’m just saying it.
[Howard] I think that that’s probably pretty accurate. When you shake hands? Give me an
example. [Student] In the initial introduction.
[Howard] When you first meet somebody. Yes. [Student] When you are saying “thank you”
and “goodbye”. [Student2] Say you are at an awards and when
the person comes up to receive it. [Howard] Absolutely, if you are the presenter,
absolutely. That’s the first thing you’ll do. If you are walking up to receive an award,
it’s the first thing you do. So, what does that mean in terms of if you’re going to receive
an award? Which hand should be ready to receive that award?
[Student] The left hand [Howard] The left! Sure! So, obviously, if
someone walks up and offers their hand to you, you shake their hand. First time meeting
someone, you shake their hand. When you’re greeting guests are coming to your event or
to your house, you shake their hand. I mean, that can be part of a chest bump if you’re
at your house or something like that, but you shake their hand. In the real world out
there that’s how you do it, with your friends you probably do something else. When you’re
greeting your host or hostess offer your hand. When you’re renewing an old acquaintance,
offer your hand then give him a hug. When you’re saying good bye.
Here are a few tips: which hand do you hold a drink in?
[Student] Left hand? [Howard] Yeah, left. That’s so you’d always
be ready to shake hands. Where do you wear your nametag?
[Student] Above your heart? [Howard] Above your heart? Here? Everybody
agree with that? You say no? Why? [Student] I say on the right side, so it’s
visible when you shake hands. [Howard] That’s exactly right! You wear them
on your right lapel, on the right side of your chest. What happens to your body when
you shake hands? Generally, you step into it, you move your right shoulder forward,
and your nametag is clearly visible to whomever you’re talking to. If it’s on the left side,
you’re actually turning your name tag away from the person. You want that person to know
your name and remember your name. That’s where your nametag goes. Whether you got a lapel
or you don’t, figure out a way. What do you do if your hands are cold or clammy? Or if
you shake someone’s hand and their hands are cold or clammy? You know what cold and clammy
is, right? It’s kind of like you are nervous and you have the sweats and your hands are
sweaty, what do you do? [Student] Wipe it down beforeÖ
[Howard] Ignore it. As you’re approaching somebody and you know your hand is kind of
cold and clammy you can kind of go like that and then you’d still gonna be cold and probably
gonna be a little clammy, but ignore it, both ways, the other party’s too. Just don’t say
anything about it. [Student] and in the case that you clearly
just coughed or sneezed in your hand and walked up to them, do you just say “I just sneezed,
I’m sorry about that”. [Howard] Well, if you know you’re gonna cough
or sneeze, instead of putting your hand up there turn away and go like this, or If you’ve
got a handkerchief or tissue or something use that. But not, if you’re gonna be in a
social environment and you sneeze, don’t reach out to grab somebody else’s hand, that’s definitely
not cool. What do you do if you’re seated? Do you shake hands while you’re seated?
[Student] No, you stand up! [Howard] Stand up, absolutely. If you’re a
woman and you’re seated and somebody walking your way, stand up. It goes for men too. And
if you’re approaching someone who seated, give them the opportunity to stand up. Everybody
got the handshake downtown? We should do an exercise! Here, very good. “Hello”, very good!
Everybody, shake hands with the person near you. Very good! It goes without saying that
if you are shaking hands and it’s an initially introduction and you’re shaking hands with
somebody ñ even though you have a nametag on – you do introduce yourself. Typically,
if it’s a business setting, then you use both names, and not just your first name.
[Student] What do you do if the other person doesn’t let go? It happened to me, they kept
talking and talking and I tried to let go and he squeezed my hand harder.
[Howard] He was doing something to you.. I’m not gonna lie. I mean if it goes on too long
you might give him a shove or something, I don’t know. You try tactfully to move your
hand and then eventually if it’s really uncomfortable you’d ask him to let go of your hand. Just
say please. Yeah? [Student] What about handing business cards?
Let say you just meet the person and a business card is given to you, when is it appropriate
to put it away, immediately or? [Howard] Well, it depends. I never look at
a business card immediately because I can’t read it if I don’t have my glasses on. When
I’m greeting people I’m not wearing my reading glasses, so I just say “thank you” and I’ll
put it in my pocket. And if he hands it to you in shaking cards obviously it’s like an
award or something, he’s handed it to you with the left hand, you take it with a left
hand. If you can read it, there’s nothing wrong with taking, looking at it, seeing where
the office is located, if there’s any kind of logo on it, something like that, that’s
fine. But typically what happens to a business card when somebody takes them home?
[Student] Probably trash it [Howard] in most cases today it either goes
directly into the contact information and then in the trash, or it ends up in a drawer
with a thousand other business cards and it never get seen again.
Small talk: very important skill whenever you are networking, or are interviewing, in
business functions, social situations, small talk is really important. It doesn’t come
easily for a lot of people, but take comfort in knowing that practice makes it easier.
The more you are in social situations the easier it is to talk about the everyday things.
There are appropriate and inappropriate topics, and there are things to avoid altogether.
Appropriate topics in a small talk, again try to master the art of doing this, talk
about your family, your home life, where you came from, your job or career interests, hobbies,
pets, sports, public figures, current events, personal interests, vacations, movies, music,
inconsequential things but things that are interesting to other people. Things to avoid
or inappropriate topics: money, salaries and bonuses, etc., don’t talk about alcohol, don’t
ask somebody how much they cost: “Oh, that’s a nice Gucci purse, how much did you pay for
that?”, “well it’s really a fake”, okay that’s embarrassing. Don’t talk about other employees,
or if you’re interviewing for a job don’t ask about other candidates. Or don’t tell
the interviewer “you really don’t want to hire that person”. Confidential client information
that will bring it up in a business situation. Don’t talk about sex, religion, or politics
the latter to you’re probably gonna get in an argument with somebody. Don’t ask overly
personal questions and don’t talk about personal issues, like health and weight. Things to
avoid all together – and these are good rules to live with, not just small talk: foul language,
I don’t understand when I hear that gratuitous swearing around campus, I don’t get it. Using
foul language as an adjective to describe a fence, or a bike or something, I mean what’s
that about? You’re gonna offend people. Jokes in bad taste, those are generally ethnic or
sexual or something like that, ethnic slurs, negative comments about anything, people don’t
like negativism and you’re trying to come off as positive and professional. Don’t ever
have more than two alcoholic drinks in a business situation. Avoid eating while standing up,
although you’ll find in many situations at a networking event the tables will be high
tables, there won’t be stools or chairs, so if you’re going to eat it’s unavoidable to
stand up, but everybody else will be standing up too. If you’re in the cafeteria ñ while
we are on that subject ñ and you got you tray and you’re heading back to your table,
do you ever eat off of the food while you’re walking? Very bad manners. Don’t arrive late,
don’t leave early and avoid public displays of affection. And I mean more than just a
quick hug with somebody that you know. Yeah? [Student] Back to eating while standing for
a moment, for example I work downtown, and of course you know there are street food.
I was told that you’re not supposed to eat while walking on the street or something like
that. That’s inappropriate too? It’s a public setting.
[Howard] It’sÖ you know, use your judgment. Depends on really what you’re eating, I guess,
more than anything else. I mean in our society nobody’s gonna say anything to you, but if
you’re in a networking event, that’s what I’m talking about walking around eating like
that. [Student] That makes me thing about networking
events, especially if we’re standing, there’s probably like finger foods. It’s probably
normal to have some finger food, at that point it’s normal..
[Howard] In a lot of events like that you’ll have a place to sit down. If there are tables
out with chairs take your plate and go sit down with somebody.
[Student] Because we just went to an event this last week and, they had the conference
room, they had everything catered, but then everyone stand up and every one was having
a glass of wine or eating but there was no place to sit.
[Howard] With no place to sit, so you have no choice. And, again, be aware of the environment.
You wouldn’t want to say “hey, this is bad manners, I demand a chair!”. I mean everybody’s
standing up, that’s how they arranged the room, that’s how it is with the food. If they
didn’t want you to eat standing up they wouldn’t serve the food.
Office etiquette: be responsible, because there should never be any doubts about giving
you an assignment. Be accountable. Nothing does your career more good then admitting
that you’ve made a mistake. Be the one in the office to say “Yeah, I made that mistake,
and I learned from it, and I won’t do it again”. It builds trust! Follow through with your
commitments, this is a common courtesy and in the office environmentÖ
[Howard] a common courtesy amongst any kind of relationships ëcause you’ve got to be
thought of is reliable and dependable. These are important for your career, really important.
Be punctual because if you’re consistently late you get the reputation of being a flake
and nobody likes to be like someone who’s consistently late to a meeting or consistently
late to an appointment. And we’re not going to go over telephone or e-mail etiquette but
learn what it is and observe it. Really, seriously e-mail can make or break your career. People
ask me what was the biggest mistake you’ve ever made in your career and I had a pretty
successful career. My answer is I guarantee you it had something to do with hitting the
send button. Because in anger or for whatever reason I typed out an e-mail that I regretted
sending and it came back to hurt me. We don’t have time for a lot of questions on that before
we get to the table etiquette stuff but anybody got a question or a comment about any of what
we just covered and I know it was a lot. When we figure out how to post a video online that
complies with ADA requirements, we will post this online assumingówe’re experimenting.
We just got our camera. We just got our tripod. We just got our mic and our sound equipment.
We’ve got our transcription software so that we can try to make it ADA compliant and we
want to post all of what we do, all of our workshops online. And so if we can figure
out the ADA compliant and if the video comes out ok but we can’t make it ADA compliant,
maybe we’ll post it to, you know, my web site or something like that so people can access
it. [Howard] Dining Etiquette. Be a good guest.
Be a good host. Okay? Look at that. Hmm? If she showed up at a dinner could you figure
that out? Would you know what to use and when to use it? I’ve got some materials here that
I’ll leave with you. You know, cocktail fork, soup spoon, you know, salad knife, fish knife,
dinner knife, dinner fork, fish fork, salad fork, butter plate, butter knife, dessert
fork, dessert spoon, water glass, white wine glass, red wine glass, sherry glass. You know
which glass is which. When you sit down at the table, okay, a table for ten, you’re over
at the convention center and a hotel, do you know which bread plate is yours and which
bread plate is the one that belongs to the person next to you? So, no, you probably don’t.
So we’re going to try to figure that stuff out. You are not likely to ever in your professional
life sit down at a table like this, but you never know. You never know. I have on two
occasions dined in the private dining room in the House of Lords in London with the Queen’s
cousin, unexpectedly. I never dreamed I would find myself there. You know there is a formality
there. I’ll tell you what though, the bartender there makes the best Bloody Mary’s you have
ever had. They are just fabulous. I don’t know what their recipe is but wow. The other
funny thing about that is that when you go into that dining room, a lot of the lords
there are hereditary lords and they’re old you know, and the funny thing is a lot of
them are sitting there in the bar area of the private dining room and they’re throwing
down Bloody Mary’s right and left and half of them get smashed. And then they go downstairs
to the chamber in parliament and they sit there. And you’ve seen it on TV, somebody’s
the Prime Minister speaking and all that and they’re in the back bench and they’re going
“aheheheh” and their stamping their feet and all that. Half of them are just drunk and
they’re having a good time. You may encounter a place setting like this. It’s not quite
as complicated as in that diagram. Why is it not quite as complicated? Well it only
has one knife. It doesn’t have a fish knife. It doesn’t have a salad knife. Does have a
salad fork. And it does have an appetizer fork here. That would be for like eating oysters
or something like that. But it does have a water glass, a white wine glass, a red wine
glass, and a sherry glass. So you may encounter that. And notice the soup bowl ñokay, you’re
going to have soupóis sitting in the middle of the plate as opposed to this where there
is no soup bowl, but obviously there going to have soup because they provided you with
a soup spoon. This does have a fish knife, does have a fish fork, and you can see they’re
a little bit different. Different shape of the blade. Different handle than the other
knife, the dinner knife. In this case they only have a water glass, a red wine glass
which is a bowl, and a white wine glass. You definitely are going to encounter a place
setting like this. Maybe not with four glasses, but would not be uncommon to have dinner forks,
salad fork, dinner knife, salad knife, butter dish or butter plate, and a butter knife and
a dessert spoon. What do we use? Rule of thumb: start with the outside utensils and work in
because if there’s a soup spoon there, they’re going to serve soup before they serve the
next course. There’s not a soup spoon but they’re two knives and they’re to forks. They’re
going to serve salad before they serve the main course. So start at the outside and work
in. The other thing you can do is you can watch your host. Hopefully your host, if they’ve
set the table this way, hopefully your host knows the proper way to eat. Silverware at
the top of the plate. That’s only used for dessert and coffee. You can use the spoon
for coffee if they don’t serve the coffee with a spoon. Never use that for your main
course, your appetizer, your salad. The rule of B&D, that’s the rule of bread and drinks.
Your bread plate is on your left. Your drinks are on your right. And if you sit down next
to somebody who doesn’t know that, don’t be afraid to tell them that “no that’s your glass”
or “no, that’s my glass” or “that’s my bread plate”. Be the one that understands this,
not the one that makes mistake. What do you do if the silverware is dirty? Anybody know?
When you pick up your fork and it’s got food that didn’t come off in the dish washer. Do
you use it anyway? I hope not. You ask the server discreetly or subtly just to bring
you another one. Just call the server over and say, you know, can you bring me another
one? He’ll take it from you and they’ll come back. Very easy. What do you do if you drop
the silverware on the floor? Do you slide your chair back, bend over and pick it up?
Would that be the right thing to do? Do you kick it under the table so nobody sees it?
Yeah? [Student] I was told you leave it because
it’s the waiter’s job to get it. [Howard] Yeah that’s exactly right. Again,
if they didn’t notice, you call the server over and if you drop your soup spoon just
before they serve the soup, you obviously need another soup spoon. So you call the server
over and say, “Hey, I dropped my spoon. Could you get me another one?” What do you do with
silverware once it’s been used? It doesn’t mean you’re finished, but once you’ve used
it do you ever set it back down on the table? No. It never gets set back down on the table.
You rest it on the plate. Don’t put it bank on the tablecloth. Napkins. What is the first
thing you do when you sit down at the table? [Student] Set the napkin on your lap?
[Howard] You take that napkin. You unfold it. You put it in your lap. That is the very
first thing you do. There’s no food on the table at all. That is the first thing you
do. If your wine and water glass is full, that’s the first thing you do. You don’t take
a drink. That is the first thing you do. Put the napkin in a matóin your lap immediately
or as soon as the host does it. What do you do with the napkin if you have to get up mid-meal?
Take a guess. What do you do? [Student] Set it on the chair?
[Howard] Set it on the chair? That’s correct. You just fold it and set in on the chair and
that lets the waiter know you’re coming back. When do you put the napkin back on the table?
[Student] When you’re finished. [Howard] Correct. Only when you’re finished.
When the meal is finished and you’re leaving the table. So even though you finished the
meal, even though the plates have been cleared, if you’re still sitting there talking, the
napkin stays in your lap. When you get up to leave, you put it back on the table. Where
do you put it when you put it back on the table?
[Student] On the plate? [Howard] You don’t scrunch it up in a ball
and toss it into the middle of the table. You don’t stick it on the plate where the
gravy is. No, you fold it up. Just lightly fold it up and set it to the right of your
place setting. How about ordering? There’s an etiquette to ordering. Drink orders are
usually taken first. Now you may have a set meal in which case you don’t have to order
anything, but they’ll still ask you what you’d like to drink. Drink orders are usually placed
first. What do you order? More appropriately, what don’t you order?
[Student] Hard liquor? [Student] Definitely not alcohol, but definitely
get water first. Or coffee or tea. [Howard] Water should be on the table already.
If it’s a sit-down, you know in most restaurants where they’re conserving water, they’ll ask
you if you want water and you’ll have to ask for water. But in a meal like this water will
be on the table. You definitely do not order alcohol. Now, if your host orders alcohol
that’s something else. Again it’s really up to you. When is it ok to pick up the menu
and order? Common sense if you’re following the lead of the horseóthe host. Ok one of
you may follow the lead of the horse sometime too, but if you follow the lead of the host
when ordering the drink what do you think you do about menu and ordering your meal?
Follow the lead of the host. Yeah. When the host picks up the menu it’s a signal for you
to go ahead. What if you have questions regarding items on the menu? Even if it’s a set meal.
If they’re serving, you know you get your choice of chicken or beef. If you have a question,
which a lot of people will, particularly if they have food allergies, what do you do?
[Student] You wait until the server comes to your table?
[Howard] Um, you can wait or you can call the server over and say, “Hey, you know, I’m
allergic to garlic. Does the mash potatoes have garlic in them?” Anybody here allergic
to garlic? It’s not uncommon. I’ll tell you it is a horrible allergy to have. Absolutely
horrible. There is garlic in almost everything. Pasta sauce, pizzas, you know, any kind of
sauce that you put on your food. You look at the labels. There is garlic in almost everything.
It is a horrible, horribleóI don’t have it but I’m close to somebody who does. Yeah,
you ask the server. Can you order anything you want? You know, you’re the guest at a
business lunch. You know you pick up the menu. Can you order anything you want?
[Student] No you have to take into consideration the other person that’s paying. If they’re
paying. [Howard] Well, if you’re the guest you’re
not paying for sure. [Student] That was pretty much the goal of
what he said following the host’s lead. You don’t outspend the host.
[Howard] Right. As a guest you don’t order the most expensive thing or even expensive
things on the menu unless the host indicates that you should. You know if you’re sitting
there and the host says, “They got the best steak and lobster in the city here. You all
really gotta try it.” Go ahead and try it. You know, if you like it. Go ahead. Here’s
another clue. Order food that’s easy to eat. Don’t order food that you eat with your hands.
You know, it’s great to order that club sandwich, but you’re gonna make a mess. Avoid wild foods,
spicy foods, finger foods, or foods that are potentially messy. The rule of thumb: if you
can eat it with a fork, knife, or spoon, ok. If you can’t, then you probably shouldn’t
order it. And follow the host’s lead when you’re ordering dessert. If the host orders
dessert and you feel like it, great. If he doesn’t or she doesn’t, then don’t order dessert.
Do you think it’s appropriate to take the leftovers home? You know, you still got that
part of that lobster sitting there or half of the fried rice. No not if it’s a client
kinda thing. If you’re having a business meetingóif you’re having a meeting with a colleague or
something like that sure don’t leave it there on the table. Take it home. You know, you’re
probably splitting the bill or you’re gonna submit an expense claim or something, but
if it’s a client relationship, no. Even if you’re paying you don’t take it home. Leave
it there. Eating guidelines. Quickly. Can you start eating before it gets cold? Etiquette
says no. You don’t start eating until the host starts eating or the hostess starts eating
or if it’s a couple’s thing. Generally it’s the woman who’s the hostess or the wife of
the boss or something like that. Now, cooks in the culinary industry will tell you that
if it’s hot food you should start right away. Well that’s because they cooked it and that’s
when it tastes best, when it’s hot. But etiquette says no you should wait. How does the server
know when you’re done eating? It’s by how you place your eating utensils. You rest them
on the plate at a 10 o clock 4 o clock angle, okay. So you’re done eating. You put your
knife and your fork or your spoon, you put it at a 10 and a 4 o clock angle across the
plate together. The waiter now knows that you are done. If you’ve only paused when you’re
eating, you take your knife and fork and you put them across the plate like this. You don’t
lean them up against the plate. You put the across the plate kind of like the 10 and 2
position. That tells the waiter that you’ve only taken a pause and to not take your plate
away. Now that assumes that the server has been properly trained. Is there a correct
way to pass food to someone across the table? [Student] To your left.
[Howard] Nope. [Student] To your right.
[Howard] Yeah. Food should be passed to the person requesting it. Others should not take
food while it’s being passed. So if the person across the table asks you for the bread basket,
you pass it to them. Don’t take one out of it and then pass it to them.
[Student] I was taught that even if the person’s across from you, you still have to pass it
to the person beside you. [Howard] You do. You don’t reach across the
table. You pass it around. [Student] You always pass it to your right?
[Howard] Yeah food should always be passed counter clockwise to the right. And you know
what happens at a table when people don’t get that. You got the salad dressing at this
end, the bread at this end, and someone passes the salad dressing to the left and you pass
the bread to the right, and somebody is in the middle there trying to go you know like
this. Does that apply to salt and pepper shakers? Yes. But they should always be passed together
and they should always be held by the middle of the shaker and never the top. You don’t
wanna get your grimy little germs all over the top of the salt and pepper shaker. Is
it ok to eat and talk at the same time? No. Common sense. Chew with you mouth close. Do
not speak when chewing even to answer a question. Go ahead and swallow and try not to ask somebody
a question just before they’re taking a bite. It happens but not to. How do you eat a large
piece of food? What’s a knife for? Right? Cut it up into small pieces. And in this culture
you cut it up on piece at a time and eat that piece. Cut another piece. Eat that piece.
In some cultures, you cut it all up into little pieces and then eat the pieces, one piece
at a time. Are there rules that apply to eating bread and butter? Absolutely, there are rules
for everything. Bread should be broken into bite sized pieces. Do not take the dinner
roll and break it in half and slather butter over the half of it. It should be broken into
bite sized pieces. Take the butter from the butter dish and put it on your butter plate.
Do not take butter from the butter dish and put it directly on the bread. Put it on your
butter plate. Usually there will be a little knife passed with the butter dish and you
use that you put it on your plate. If there’s not you use your butter knife to put it on
the plate. And if you don’t have a butter knife, use your dinner knife and put it on
your plate. Butter and eat the individual pieces one at a time. Again don’t butter them
all and then eat them. And never butter bread directly from the butter dish that’s passed
around. You see people do that. Yes? [Student] Is bread the only one you can eat
with your hands? Or should you useÖ [Howard] Yeah you can eat the bread with your
hands. Yeah. It’s a good point. What about the remaining small pieces of food on the
plate? I mean it was a great meal and there’s still left over rice or something on your
plate. Yeah I see you all shaking your heads. Yeah you let it go. Don’t try to push it onto
your fork with another utensil or your bread or take your fork and mash it down trying
to get it between the tines of the fork and eat it that way. Just let it go. How about
soup? The last of that delicious soup? You leave it in the bowl. You never pick up or
even tilt that bowl. You just leave it there. Some additional tips. Is it okay to chew gum
at the table? [Student] No
[Howard] No. So what do you do with your gum? But it behind your ear. Yeah there you go.
Do you go like that and stick it under the table? Huh? No you get rid of it before you
sit down. Dispose of the gum prior to sitting down. Is there lipstick etiquette at the table?
Yeah there is. You blot your lipstick ladies on tissue or a napkin before eating and not
your dinner napkin. It’ll be like a cocktail napkin or something before eating. Is it okay
to refresh your makeup after eating? [Student] No. You go into the ladies’ room
for that. [Howard] After you’re done. After the meal’s
over. Never apply makeup or comb your hair at the table. What do you do with your purse
or handbag ladies? Or you guys too if you carry a purse in all seriousness cause I’ve
seen guys that do. I did when I was living in Europe long time ago. What do you do with
your bag, your handbag, or your purse? [Student] Leave it there on the chair?
[Howard] You can do that if you’re not afraid of somebody lifting it. You can put it under
the table. You can put it under your chair. You can hang it on the back of the chair.
That kinda gets inconvenient at times if somebody has to get up. But you never ever put it on
the table. Can you order alcohol during lunch? No, but if the host orders wine for the table
then go ahead and have some wine if you feel like it but not very much. What do you do
with your hands and arms when you’re not eating? It’s ok to have your hands on the table. It’s
ok to have your forearms on the table. It’s ok to have them in your lap. Not ok to put
your elbows on the table. Ever. Okay. What do you do if you have to sneeze of cough?
Turn your head and sneeze into your arm or napkin. Not your dinner napkin. A tissue or
something like that. What if you spill something? Happens right? It happens. You know if it’s
water, you know, offer your napkin or use it to try to blot it up. Call the server over
and get them to help. If you spill red wine on the lady next to you be prepared to pay
the cleaning bill. But the point is don’t overreact. Don’t make a big deal of it. Clean
it up. Move on. Are there other things you should not do? Sure. Don’t arrive late. Do
not season the food before tasting. Why is that?
[Student] It might already be perfectly seasoned? [Howard] That’s right. You offend the cook.
You offend the cook. Don’tówhen they put that piece of meat down in front of you don’t
grab the salt and pepper and go like this. It may have plenty of salt and pepper on it.
You don’t know. Do not remove unwanted food from the dinner plate. Leave it on the food.
Don’t take your broccoli and put it on your bread plate. Do not push your plant and chair
away when done. Somebody will remove your plate. Do not use a toothpick in public. And
particularly don’t use one at the dinner table unless you’ve got a piece of lettuce hanging
there in which case go excuse yourself. And don’t smoke and do not use your phone. Turn
your phone off. Keep in mind, okay, this is the end and we’ll quickly go over the quiz
answers. Keep in mind that you represent your employer and your boss. Your appearance, actions,
and attitudes are important. Client relationships can be ruined by unprofessional appearance
or action, a careless word or poor attitude. But on the other hand, client relations can
blossom if you are professional and enthusiastic, helpful, concerned, and impressed with your
behavior. Any questions about that? And I have some information here for you on table
etiquette. Place settings and things like that
[Student] Could you be so kind as to go back to the previous slide?
[Howard] Since you asked so nicely. [Student] Okay. Thank You.
[Howard] Okay there’s one wrong answer on the quiz on here, an incorrect one. The person
at the head of the table faces the door if possible. Yes. As a host at a business dinner,
and I have all the answers to this here too. You can take with you. So if you’re in a hurry
to leave you can grab it and go. As a host at a business dinner, you should place the
highest ranking guest to your left. Correct. If you’re hosting the CEO of a client and
the Senior Vice President of sales, the CEO sits to your left, the Senior Vice presidents
sits next to somebody else. When you must leave the table for a few minutes during the
meal the napkin should be placed beside your plate? No. Napkins upon completion of the
meal should be refolded and placed on plate? No. The best time to toast is usually after
dinner has been served or when the wine glasses have been refilled. Yeah. And you know, think
about that at a going away dinner or at a wedding or something like that. If you’re
hosting a luncheon it is perfectly correct to order house wine in a carafe. Yes it is.
Everybody know what a carafe is? It’s a glass or ceramic container that’s usually got a
rounded base and a neck like that and a handle on it. They take the house wine and they put
it in there and the waiter pours from the carafe. It’s a pitcher. Glass of white wine
should be held by the bowl and not the stem. No holding the wine by the stem. Cutlery should
be used from the outside in. the answer to this is true. It should be. I marked false
for some reason. The meat knife is held differently than the fish knife. That’s true. It is. You’ll
have to look that up for yourself and see how it’s held. When resting the knife place
it across the corner of the plate. Yes. You should always take the first roll from the
basket and then pass the basket to the guests. No. The bread plate is located on the left
hand side. Yes. You should cut bread with the butter knife. No that’s not what the butter
knife is for. The butter knife is for spreading butter. When eating soup, the soup spoon is
tipped slightly and is filled by moving it towards you. That’s correct. That’s the proper
way to eat soup. When someone requests the salt, always pass it to the right. Yes. You
do not have to cut olives or cherry tomatoes in your salad before eating them. That’s correct.
They’re small enough already. To indicate that you have not yet finished eating but
are just resting place the knife and fork like a pair of oars leaning on the edges of
the plate. No. Remember ten and two across the edges? You’re out at a business lunch
with clients when the clients start to order alcoholic drinks; you order one as well to
be politically polite. No. Not to be politically polite. It’s ok to drink alcohol but do it
only if you want it. Dessert may be eaten with both the fork and spoon. However the
spoon only serves as the pusher. That’s wrong. Pie or ice cream can be eaten with a spoon.
Yes it’s correct. It can be correct if you want to eat pie with the spoon. When the course
is finished it is polite to replace your cutlery where they were originally. No. They’re dirty.
It is acceptable to gently move the plate away from you when you are finished. No. The
server will remove it. It is no longer necessary to stand when you are being introduced to
someone. No. Stand up. It is appropriate for a man to wait for a woman to offer her hand
first before shaking it. No. Stick out your hand. Use a person’s official title when introducing
them even if you know them personally. Yes. Use the official title. It is now acceptable
to eliminate mister, missus, miss from the introduction. No. It’s not acceptable. This
is a business introduction. When introducing the customer to the senior executive, the
senior executive’s name is spoken first. You received a dinner invitation that says RSVP.
You only need to reply if you’re going to accept the invitation. That is wrong. You’re
expected to reply whether you’re going or you’re not going. That’s one of my pet peeves.
You send out an invitation that says RSVP and fifty percent of the people don’t reply.
You don’t know whether they’re coming or they’re not coming. That’s what RSVP means. Reply.
It’s French. Reply. A business cocktail party is called from 5 to 7 PM and you arrive at
6, is that inappropriate? Yes it’s inappropriate. Arrive on time. Or within 5 minutes of being
on time. It is correct to arrive at 6 for dinner. To arrive for a six o clock dinner
at 6:20. No that’s rude. At a party it is better to break into a group two people rather
than three. No. Break into three. It’s easier to carry on the small talk and the conversation.
When meeting a guest at a restaurant it is polite to wait for your guest in the front
area. Yes. [Howard] that’s so you can leave gracefully.
Also, there are only two chairs; you don’t wanna have to step over your host in order
to get out the door. Business casually meetings you can pretty much wear whatever you want
as long as the clothes are clean. No. Dress appropriately for the occasion. When wearing
a business suit it does not really matter what color the socks a man wears. Wrong. It
does matter. Number one: if it’s business, you never wear white socks anytime. Two: your
socks should always be the same color or darker than your suit or your slacks. For men, a
dark sport coat and slacks are sometimes not suitable substitutes for a business suit.
That’s true. When somebody says business attire for a man it’s a business suit. Sport coat
and slacks and a tie is probably the dressiest form of business casual. In a business casual
environment, someone who is a manager, leader, or influencer should always try to dress a
little nicer than the others. Yes. You know if you’re the team leader or if you’re the
manager of a unit, you know, everybody shows up in jeans, you probably should show up in
khakis, you know, and hard soled shoes. The kind of shoes you wear and their condition
do not really matter. That is absolutely wrong. When I meet somebody for the first time, I
do a body scan, and one of the things I notice particularly are the shoes. If the shoes are
scuffed up, they haven’t been shined, they have nicks in them, they’re worn on the heel,
or something like that. It tells me something about the person wearing them. It is important
to have your shoes look professional and that means have them shined. Your appearance in
the office is not really important so long as your job performance is good. That’s wrong.
How you act and look in the office can hold you back no matter what your job performance
is like. And it is probably not a good idea for a woman to wear heavy makeup and lots
of jewelry in a professional setting and that’s absolutely true. We’re done. I hope you got
something out of it. I hope you enjoyed it. It’s an important subject. You know. I hope
you remember it. This stuff will help you remember it. You go online, do your evaluation.
The system keeps track of who did it and who didn’t. If you don’t do your evaluation, you
don’t get credit for having attended the workshop. The only way you get credit is you go online,
do the evaluation, and then bring your passport in to be stamped. Kay?